Living For Me — An Unbalanced Marriage
Are you one of the mothers who stopped living to raise children and a husband who didn’t grow up?
Relaxing by the sea awaiting a sunset of promises, a voice lured my attention towards them. I turned facing two females sitting nearby talking.
“You are leaving him, aren’t you Annette?”
Dressed in dark colors for a beautiful tropical cool day, where birds were feasting on fish in a calm sea. The sun shone happily as it descended sadly across the sky. It was a day that most people didn’t want to end. I swear the sun didn’t want to leave. I turned my ears up, hoping to learn something.
Learning mode is never off for me.
Annette sighed deeply, staring at the birds flying around across a beautiful blue sky. Their eyes aimed at the sea hoping for a silly fish to come too close to the surface, so they could feast.
She explained, “I must save myself.”
“How did you get to that point?” Her friend asks.
“For almost forty years I allowed and lived in an unbalanced marriage,” regrets stitched into her words.
“You know of any balanced marriages?”
“I could have balanced it,” she continued in regret.
“Why? He could have balanced it too. It was his actions that created the imbalance,” her friend adds, her expression linked to her marriage and divorce as she unconsciously massages her ring finger.
“It’s the female who must do the balancing,” Annette notified.
“Even if her side is balanced?”
“That’s what society expected of us. We must always be the ones fighting to save the marriage,” Annette states.
“So why are you leaving after 39 years?”
Smiling as if she had been waiting for this question, Annette eased back making herself comfortable, she said, “For more than thirty years, I put my life on hold, so husband and children can get what they want and need to make them happy. All my needs and wants were put in a bag and locked away in my closet.”
“Damn girl, I warned you about starting to live when the kids were teenagers. Because you will soon have an empty nest,” her friend reminds.
“How could I?” she asked. “Running a household, raising a husband who wasn’t growing up. Children who hate rules and want to grow up too quickly, doctor appointments, four puberties, conflicts, food prep, shopping, etc., I hate sunsets. “
Unconsciously, our eyes shifted to the sun, which was slowly going down.
“Why?” Her friend asked.
“It’s a promise to be back tomorrow, to continue my pain.”
“But George didn’t work on the weekends,” her friend recalls.
“He was never home, you forgot?”
“Damn! Yeah, you are all the children saw, because he came home late every night, and enjoyed himself on the weekends,” she recalls.
“I am ready to live!” Annette said.
“He is retired, so what’s the problem?”
“I am not retired. He has many health issues because he lived recklessly while I raised children and was busy making everyone happy,” she explained.
“I don’t understand.”
“For more than thirty years I stopped living so others can. I don’t think it’s fair for me to spend whatever time I have left taking care of someone who lived recklessly and enjoyed their life. I can’t keep putting living on hold again. I haven’t lived yet Tess. You were there with me. You helped me many times. I have a right to a life. A right to live,” she cried, her head up in the air.
“That’s why I divorced,” her friend said hugging her as she cried. “Society will punish you because many don’t understand that many long-term marriages are unbalanced.”
“Society isn’t feeling my pain!” she hissed, easing away from her embrace.
“They don’t care. Women are supposed to take care of everything. Including being there for their man, whether he is there for them or not!”
“Our marriage has always been unbalanced.”
“Why didn’t you leave like I did?” Tess asked.
“You didn’t have children Tess. Plus, I thought he would grow up?”
Many females believe that if they allow their husbands to be themselves they will get the best from them. That responsibility, many of these men allow to get out of control, forgetting that they have a responsibility not only to themselves but to a marriage and children.
“He didn’t, so one morning you woke up and decided to let it all go?”
“And the same morning he woke and realized it was time to grow up and decided to balance it” Annette adds.
“But then it’s too late?” her friend said.
Nodding, she said, “We both have been stagnant positioned in the opposite direction for years. It’s time to save me. I lacked the strength to keep holding up the fence.”
“Can you work it out?”
“I don’t want to Tess,” she said avoiding eye contact. “It’s time I start living for me!”
“How do you explain walking away from a thirty-nine-year marriage?” Tess kept pushing.
“I entered this marriage as an adult. He entered as a child. I got tired of waiting for him to grow up,” Annette elaborated.
“But he finally did,” Tess said.
“Life won’t wait for anyone to grow up. Why should I?”
I heard many females complaining about how they put living on hold to raise children and husbands who never grew up. Now when the children leave, they are ready to live and don’t think they should put their lives on hold again to take care of spouses who lived recklessly picking up various health issues while partying and enjoying their lives.
What do you think?
Are you one of the mothers who stopped living to raise children and a husband who didn’t grow up?
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