Life Through the Eyes of a Widower

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Abstract

r burdened with long thoughts of her final days in the hospital. Nor will I ever forget her and the 48 years we were together.Being done mourning her loss means I can now manage various triggers that caused me to stop in my tracks, think deeply about the past, and shed a quiet, manly tear.Various songs, certain meals, family holidays were things that subtly slapped me in the face, grabbing my attention while conveying a message of how much she would have enjoyed being there.But we know that’s not possible. And I know recreating the past in my mind is wasted energy.That day I declared I am no longer in denial. I am a widower; my wife left earth four years ago. I have joined the ranks of millions of others who have lost spouses. It’s time to move on.I’m not unfamiliar with death. It has been part of me for over six decades. I’ve lost family members, relatives and friends. But the one person that I spent most of my life with was my wife. And that’s why her death had a more profound impact on me than others.While sipping scotch that afternoon, I shifted my focus to the fut

Options

ure. I asked myself the question, what does it mean to move on? People always say it’s time to get on with your life. When I ask what they mean, I can’t get an answer.I have friends; I get out occasionally. I have a daughter and grandkids living with me for a bit. I’m not lonely. I’m busy but enjoy my solitude. I have special days where I focus on just myself. I also do what I can to help various people and organizations.My options of “moving on” are to consider dating, travel a bit, continue working, writing more, or finding another job. I only have to laugh because I am either already involved or can think of reasons not to do those things.Instead of looking at individual activities with checkmarks, I want to accomplish two things per day. In the evenings, I ask myself these questions:<ul><li>Have I done something to help someone?</li><li>Have I laughed that day?</li></ul>I know I’ve had an intense and meaningful day if I answer both of those questions with a yes. If the answer is no, I try harder the next day.Life is a precious gift to be appreciated and shared.</article></body>

An experience in moving on .

I sat quietly at the bar one Friday afternoon, sipping a single malt scotch. It’s three in the afternoon. Business is slow; the bar is eerily quiet. I use the time to reflect on my week. I also take a few minutes to reflect on many aspects of my life.

I have a positive outlook. I feel good, and my mind is in the right place.

That particular day I was thinking about my wife and decided I’ve reached a point where I am done mourning her loss. Grief has played out, and I can no longer bow down to it. It’s time to move on and transfer my energy to good health, optimism and maintaining the ability to help others.

Don’t get me wrong, I was never overly troubled, depressed, or burdened with long thoughts of her final days in the hospital. Nor will I ever forget her and the 48 years we were together.

Being done mourning her loss means I can now manage various triggers that caused me to stop in my tracks, think deeply about the past, and shed a quiet, manly tear.

Various songs, certain meals, family holidays were things that subtly slapped me in the face, grabbing my attention while conveying a message of how much she would have enjoyed being there.

But we know that’s not possible. And I know recreating the past in my mind is wasted energy.

That day I declared I am no longer in denial. I am a widower; my wife left earth four years ago. I have joined the ranks of millions of others who have lost spouses. It’s time to move on.

I’m not unfamiliar with death. It has been part of me for over six decades. I’ve lost family members, relatives and friends. But the one person that I spent most of my life with was my wife. And that’s why her death had a more profound impact on me than others.

While sipping scotch that afternoon, I shifted my focus to the future. I asked myself the question, what does it mean to move on? People always say it’s time to get on with your life. When I ask what they mean, I can’t get an answer.

I have friends; I get out occasionally. I have a daughter and grandkids living with me for a bit. I’m not lonely. I’m busy but enjoy my solitude. I have special days where I focus on just myself. I also do what I can to help various people and organizations.

My options of “moving on” are to consider dating, travel a bit, continue working, writing more, or finding another job. I only have to laugh because I am either already involved or can think of reasons not to do those things.

Instead of looking at individual activities with checkmarks, I want to accomplish two things per day. In the evenings, I ask myself these questions:

Have I done something to help someone?

Have I laughed that day?

I know I’ve had an intense and meaningful day if I answer both of those questions with a yes. If the answer is no, I try harder the next day.

Life is a precious gift to be appreciated and shared.