Life lessons — what I would tell my younger self
It is never too late to reflect on what you could be doing right now
Now I have reached half a century, combined with thinking of more things to write, this seems like the perfect opportunity for some reflection.
It has made me think back over the years and how far I have come in the world and that moment of ‘I wish I had known this’ when I was younger came to mind.
So I have put together a collection of thoughts and realities that I wish I had known when I was younger, and some I am still trying hard to grasp as an adult!
If any of these thoughts resonate with you then do feel free to highlight or comment
Don’t be ashamed of your story or of who you are; don’t waste time hiding the real you while trying to fit in. Accept your quirks and flaws since these are what make you special.
It’s fine to confess you’re struggling; it’s not a show of weakness. It’s okay to cry, to ask for help, to have bad days — you’re only human.
Failure is not a bad thing because it teaches us so much. I was a high achiever at school, and I don’t recall ever failing an exam. However, the longer I didn’t fail, the more nervous I became of failing, to the point where it hindered me from trying new things because I was afraid I wouldn’t be any good.
It’s fine not to be good at everything; it’s fine to do something because you enjoy it rather than because you’re brilliant at it.
Perfection is unattainable; no one is perfect. Striking for perfection just leads to frustration and feelings of inadequacy.
Anxiety and depression are very real medical disorders, and your feelings are not unique to you, others often feel the same way.
My adolescent years were terrifying since I had no understanding what my sentiments signified; I thought I was abnormal and alone in how I felt. I wish I could give him a hug and tell him it’s not his fault.
Self-compassion is crucial. You deserve to be loved and cared for. ‘Treat yourself as you would treat a good friend’. We’re all human, so forgive yourself and move on. I’m still fighting with this one, but I’m learning to show myself the same kindness that I show others.
It is acceptable to say no at times, and it is critical to establish boundaries.
Stop comparing yourself to others; you are unique, and you should enjoy it. Nobody has everything figured out.
Spending time praising yourself on your accomplishments is not self-indulgent; pause and appreciate the moment before moving on to your next work or goal.
Instead of condemning yourself for what you can’t accomplish or who you aren’t, concentrate on what you can do and who you are.
Accepting your current situation does not imply giving up; rather, acceptance is freeing and necessary for your well-being.
Take yourself less seriously — it’s okay (and healthy) to laugh at yourself from time to time. I’ve always been serious and took myself too seriously (although this has got easier as I have got older). Because I am unable to laugh at myself, I am more vulnerable to being hurt by others.
There are practical methods for dealing with anxiety. I wish I could go back in time and show my younger self some anxiety-reduction techniques like mindfulness. It took me years to develop these abilities, but for so long I struggled alone.
Grief is an essential aspect of the healing process. I wish I could remind my younger self how crucial it is, no matter how hard, to talk about and remember loved ones. It’s a natural part of the grief process, and memories are priceless; celebrating their life allows us to recover. We frequently overlook the significance of addressing sadness, and when we do not allow ourselves this time to mourn, anger and guilt can take control.
Your emotions are and will always be valid.
Happiness has nothing to do with physical attractiveness. Weight has no bearing on happiness; a number on the scales does not determine your self-worth. Even the most beautiful looking people dislike some aspect of their physical appearance.
Success is judged by health, happiness, love, balance, family, and friends, not by monetary wealth and belongings.
Things can change in an instant, for better or worse. If you are going through a difficult period, remember that it will not last forever, and if things are going well, make the most of every moment and rather of fearing change, embrace it.
Being popular isn’t everything; having a few close and devoted friends is more vital.
There are strategies to deal with negative feelings without further beating yourself up. Throughout my life, I have experienced anger, resentment, frustration, grief, self-pity, remorse, and desperation. I wish I had known about self-compassion, forgiving, letting go of self-blame, and taking time to stop, reflect, rest, and rejuvenate when I was younger.
You are not invincible; take care of your body and mind. Over the years, I’ve mistreated both my body and mind far too much. When I was younger, I felt invincible, and my behaviours reflected this.
Take a step back, stop, contemplate, rest, and relax; nothing is as horrible as it appears.
Rest, relaxation, and introspection are essential for your mental and physical well-being. I’ve always lived my life at 100mph, not allowing myself to relax, primarily out of fear of allowing my dark thoughts to surface, but also because I mistakenly believed that resting was being lazy.
It is critical to be yourself since it is the only way to be truly happy. Pretending to be someone else implies that you are ashamed of your true self. You don’t have to continually try to impress others.
It’s okay to be a nerd (one of my favourites!)
Learning is cool, books are cool (although I’m probably being uncool and showing my age by saying cool), and you don’t have to hide your love of these things to fit in.
Everyone you encounter has something to teach you, and everyone has a unique story to tell. Absorb and process their words, apply them to your way of life. If this adds to your life, fabulous, if not you have lost nothing.
Choose your battles wisely; you don’t have to be right all of the time; sometimes it’s preferable to let it go and go on. Save your energy for more vital matters.
When someone compliments you, believe it, smile, and thank them — you are deserving.
You can’t control everything, and attempting to control what you can’t manage just leads to frustration and anger.
Make time to do what makes you happy (are you seeing a theme developing here?) Happiness is crucial, and you deserve it right now.
It is acceptable to spend time doing fun/silly things. Everything you do in life does not have to have a reason, purpose, or objective. You don’t have to be ‘getting things done’ all the time.
It’s okay to admit your flaws, to let down your guard and seek for help; you don’t have to be strong all of the time.
You cannot help everyone, and not everyone wants your help. If I see someone in pain, I want to help them. But the truth is that I can’t help everyone, and that not everyone wants to be ’saved’, some individuals are unworthy of my love and energy.
Don’t let anyone convince you otherwise: mental health is just as vital as physical health.
Suffering from a mental illness does not automatically make you a horrible person; it is also not a sign of weakness or anything to be embarrassed of.
Try to put the past behind you; no matter how much you regret it, you can’t change it.
You can’t always please everyone. There will always be someone who opposes or disagrees with what you say or are doing. But that’s fine; you don’t need their approval or affirmation; simply be yourself. It’s okay if someone doesn’t like you — it doesn’t reflect on your character or self-worth, and it doesn’t make you a bad person. Do what brings you joy.
Writing this list has opened my eyes to a number of things, including how I perceive myself and the immense amount of pressure I’ve put on myself over the years:
Where did I get the idea that I needed to be tough and strong all of the time? When did I first believe that I needed to take on the world to prove my bravery? When did I stop asking for help because I thought it showed weakness? When did I decide that everything I did in life had to have a purpose and a goal, and that doing anything just for enjoyment was frivolous and wasteful? When did society tell me that my self-worth was inextricably linked to my weight and physical appearance?
I’m hoping that by writing these encouraging thoughts down, I can give myself some slack and give myself time to heal and enjoy the second half of my life to the fullest.
Hi, my name is Scotty. Having been a senior leader in both HR and IT professions for nearly 30 years I enjoy writing about management styles, leadership techniques and values, along with anything else in the world that piques my interest. To see my stories pop up on your feed, I would love for you to follow me and if you enjoy reading my articles and would like to have stories sent directly to you, please subscribe to my newsletter.