Life Lessons Learned From Being Shy
My journey from being a bullied teen to a life of confidence and fulfillment
For the longest part of my life, I was shy. If you are bashful, you are in good company. Many famous people like Kendall Jenner and Ed Sheeran were introverts in high school.
I was reserved growing up, had few friends, and spoke barely to anyone as a teenager. I took to reading and doing many solo pursuits. I wasn’t lonely because I had many siblings who were close to my age, and spent time with them.
The good news is that while I hung out with my sisters going to the movie theatre on the weekends, I passed off the weekend underage drinking parties (I heard about at school) and the boyfriend adventures some of my peers experienced. I hung around with one girl during my junior year of high school and she later told me of her weekend adventures, meeting the opposite sex and learning a bit too much risky business for my liking.
I didn’t experience peer pressure from anyone in my school, who might have offered me a chance to try some weed or try other misadventures. I would love to say my shyness was a personal choice, but it wasn’t. I was painfully shy. I couldn’t talk to anyone without blushing.
My inability to be adept at social situations was not genetic.
My Dad was an extrovert, and if he entered the room, everyone would notice. Myself? I didn’t want to be noticed, nor did I want anything to do with the opposite sex when I was growing up. In high school, this lack of confidence became a problem, and I could not speak up when a bully confronted me in the hallway. I was also the one who never raised my hand in the classroom if the teacher asked for volunteers.
Even though I was normal in appearance, I turned red easily and couldn’t carry on a conversation with anyone. I felt everyone was looking at me — I was wrong, of course.
My shyness took me to some dark choices, and I, unfortunately, selected some extroverted partners who ended up being manipulative, and bullying. I wrongly assumed that I would be transformed into an assertive and powerful person because of the person I was dating. Around this time, I worked for some low-paying jobs where I encountered some abusers at work, who were my supervisor and her manager. Incredibly, these abusers could pick out employees who were not able to speak up for themselves. (If you can see yourself here, it may be time to get out and get help to rid yourself of your abusive relationship).
My inner language about myself was not good at the time. Experts suggest that if you want to lose your shyness, you have to change your inner dialogue about yourself. Be less critical about yourself.
Things changed rapidly for the better, the more I became in touch with who I really was, and I also reached out to a Higher Power -God. I quit my job abruptly and miraculously, my ex-bullying partner flew out of my life. I heard from a former coworker that Karma got my ex-boss – a loudmouth who got fired for theft!
As my shyness melted away, I developed the confidence to make better choices and decided to reach for a higher-paying job. I eventually succeeded to work for a major telecom company, where I stayed there for many years. During my time there, I became adept at winning almost all the contests offered by the company.
At work, I put in a formal complaint against a supervisor, who I felt had targeted me. It felt good to feel self-assured. Keep in mind, I worked in a union company, so I had protection and the backing of my shop steward. If you have a complaint against someone at work, you may have to consider your options and consult a lawyer for advice.
The more confident I got, it was as though I radiated a glowing personality that was attractive to other people. This reinvigorating personality did work wonders for my social and work life.
During my journey to get out of my shyness, I became a joiner. I joined clubs during university, and even acted in some theatre performances. Before Covid-19, I paid for a 12-week comedy class to get out of my comfort zone and learn how to tell jokes in front of an audience.
Being shy is not all bad. In fact, we have several friends who are not adept at making conversations with strangers and are better on a one-on-one basis. My husband’s friend has a good job and is married. But if shyness is hindering you in more ways than one- as it did for me – it may be time for you to do some inner changes.
For me, I wanted to break out of my shell for personal reasons and because having an assertive and confident life is so much more rewarding.
If you are shy and want to change, try doing things outside your comfort zone, like joining a theatre class, or Toastmasters. I enjoyed my time in the theatre and loved doing the exercises.
Don’t despair if you are shy, the best is yet to come for you. You just have to believe in yourself! If you don’t believe me, hear it from the wonderful Whitney Houston herself in this video:
That’s all today. I just want to give a shout out to Nedelcu Alina
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