Say What You Mean, and Mean What You Say
The art of communication
“Much unhappiness has come into the world because of bewilderment and things left unsaid.” ― Fyodor Dostoevsky
Communication.
Why does it often seem like that is a dirty word to many people? They will say it, but very few actually act on it. Many of us shy away from real, honest communication.
There can be a lot of reasons behind that instinct.
We want people to like us and are afraid they won’t if we speak our truth. We don’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings, or we don’t want to “rock the boat.” We may have been taught as children to “be nice,” along with the implication that being nice means never speaking against what other people are doing.
Whatever the cause may be, we owe it to ourselves and the people around us to speak up. To be open. To communicate.
Merriam-Webster’s definition of communicate is “to convey knowledge of or information about.”
How can people possibly know what we need, how we feel, if we don’t communicate those things to them?
As long as both people involved in a situation honestly want to solve the problem they are having, communication is the answer — or at least the beginning of it.
Running from the difficult conversations is never going to be to our benefit.
We often are unaware that we have offended someone, that we may have hurt their feelings with a misspoken or misunderstood word. So, when we are facing an issue, we should be sure we don’t go into it assuming we didn’t do anything wrong. We need to accept that we are all imperfect and make mistakes.
Did you mess up? Did you hurt someone’s feelings, whether intentionally or unintentionally? Apologize. Talk it out. Face it head-on. Ask questions if you don’t understand where another person is coming from, if you don’t see how what you did could have hurt them. An apology, even if you don’t feel like you owe one, can go a long way toward building peace and repairing relationships. It sends the message that you’re willing to work on the issue.
We all make bad choices sometimes, but that doesn’t make us bad people.
But when you have wronged someone, it is so important to take responsibility. Own your mistake. Take a deep breath and say those two little words that seem to get lodged in so many people’s throats: “I’m sorry.”
If someone has hurt you, and it’s not something you can let go or forget about (there are small slights that don’t require speaking out about), go to them, in the spirit of working things out, not just to accuse them. Speak up. Communicate.
And if that person extends an apology to you and seems to really mean it, don’t let pride stop you from accepting it.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying you should take the blame all the time. Nor am I saying you should make a habit of letting yourself be wronged. What I am saying is that people very rarely hurt each other deliberately. Choosing not to hold a person’s mistakes against them is a strength, not a weakness. We should not automatically assume that someone meant to hurt us. If we don’t hide from the issue, and we let them know how we feel about the situation, most people will apologize and work hard to fix it.
People will let you down. It is a fact. Life is hectic and stressful, and they often won’t even know they have disappointed or hurt you. But we should never forget there’s a flipside to that coin. You have let people down too. And you hope that when you muster up the courage to utter those two words, they will meet you with open arms.
It’s okay. I’m sorry. Let’s all work together to keep our relationships open and safe for everyone involved.
Communication can go a long way.
Key Message: People can’t know what we need if we don’t tell them. Take the time to express yourself properly, and your relationships will improve.
