Life Has Taught Me These 15 Timeless Lessons About Women

(They’re not as complicated as you think).

While books and podcasts and neurological study can provide us with valuable insight regarding the differences and similarities between the male and female brains, people are simply not science experiments who can be distilled down to A-B testing, nor blanket generalizations.

Life, though, can provide important lessons that shape our interactions and our relationships along the way.

Here are fifteen pieces of knowledge I have accumulated along my journey, I hope they bring you the same enlightenment they’ve brought to me.

1: Women are better at non-verbal communication than men.

As men, we would much rather that a woman come out and tell us what she wants and how she feels. No matter how well we can read her, there will naturally still be things that we miss and kick ourselves about later. But men and women naturally communicate differently. According to “The Female Brain” (must-read book), women are biologically predisposed to have a heightened ability to read facial expressions and body language.

That doesn’t mean we can’t put in the effort to learn the nuances, though. The more openly we communicate, the less room there is for confusion or mixed signals.

2: Infidelity is not just about sex.

There are a lot of men out there who will walk the tightrope of cheating under the perception that if they don’t actually sleep with someone or make intentional physical contact, “it doesn’t really count.”

They call it “Micro-cheating,” and, well…it’s bullshit.

Cheating starts the second you begin to delete text messages or save “Susie” in your phone as “Steve.” Emotional cheating is sometimes even worse than physical, and women know this.

3: Even if she’s established and makes more money than you — she still wants you to “be the man.”

In the age of equality, many men assume that women no longer want chivalry or romance. That they no longer want to be taken to dinner or have doors opened for them because “they can do it themselves.”

Just because a woman may be in charge from 9–5 on Monday through Friday, doesn’t mean she wants the same responsibilities in a relationship. At the end of the day, many women still appreciate a man who is the man,and will make plans for them on date night. A man who still romances her. A man who is chivalrous and respectful. A man who understands that a woman can be independent and should still be treated as a lady.

4: She is drawn to your open communication.

When Rachel and I started talking almost four years ago (we just celebrated our 1 year wedding anniversary), we spoke constantly. We texted all day, video chatted at night, and checked in via phone when something important was happening.

It was an expression of interest through dedicated time communicating with someone. We broached every topic, held nothing back, committed to complete honesty…and it made all the difference in the world.

5: If she’s asking you a specific question, she probably already knows the answer.

Some men see this as her ‘trapping’ him into…*gasp*…telling the truth. What she’s likely actually doing is giving you a chance to be honest and tell the truth. There is a big difference between those two perceptions.

6: She will find out if you lie to her, eventually.

Lying to a woman is like using a credit card. It might seem like a good idea at the time, but you’re still going to have to pay for it eventually.

7: Intimacy is built through emotional connection.

Men and women experience intimacy differently, and (generally speaking) women build attraction in proportion to their emotional connection with you, whereas men are much more visual.

As men, if we put in the time and effort to communicate and connect on a deeper level, the physical fulfillment and satisfaction in a relationship will be much more enjoyable than simply treating it as a physical act.

8: If she talks to you about her problems, she’s probably not looking for a solution.

This is a difficult one for us men because our natural tendency is to try to connect the dots and find a solution to a problem. We are “fixers.” This is not what a woman wants if she begins to vent to you (unless she specifically asks).

What she really wants is for you to listen, make an effort to understand, and provide her with the support she needs to find the solution on her own.

9: Remember the small things.

It may seem trivial to remember someone’s favorite candy, the date she got her puppy, or the way she likes her coffee, but at the end of the day those are the small nuances about a person that make them unique. Putting in the effort to remember these small things shows that you value her as an individual.

Plus, showing her that she can trust you with the small things makes her more likely to trust you with the big things.

10: (Most) men have disappointed her.

If you’re getting to know someone and she seems skeptical about your intentions, try not to take it personally. The reality is that most of our relationships (both as men and women) have disappointed us at some point along the way.

Hence, why someone is currently single.

This is not the time to become frustrated and storm off. If you genuinely care for this person and want to show her you’re serious — you will put in the time and effort (two recurring themes) to do it.

11: If she has children, it’s more about them than her.

I learned this through experience when I met Rachel, and now that “her” two kids are “our” two kids and we are all “The Sama Family,” I can attest that it is more true than ever.

12: She appreciates time spent more than money spent.

Any man can spend money on her, take her to a fancy restaurant, or buy her a new purse as an apology. What NOT every man is willing to do, is learn about her interest, desires, wants, needs, likes and dislikes, and spend real valuable time just being by her side.

13: You should probably wear cologne.

The human brain remembers scent more than any other sensory experience. Smelling good is never a bad idea.

14: Feeling safe is paramount.

I believe that one of the best compliments a woman can give to a man is that she feels safe with him. Protected. Secure. That she can sleep soundly next to you at night.

A woman understands that it doesn’t matter how attractive, funny, or appealing you are — if she doesn’t feel emotionally comfortable, nothing else matters.

15: She just wants to be loved and accepted.

Honestly, we have allowed our default perception to become that women are some incredibly complicated foreign creatures that nobody in the world has ever been able to decode. I believe that as unique human beings, we are all complicated in our own ways, regardless of gender.

But in the long run, women just want to be cared for, listened to, respected, and sometimes…just loved.

The same as anyone else.

My private clients find themselves living more confident, purposeful lives and cultivating healthier relationships with those around them. Click here to book a free call to see if we’re a fit to work together.

James Michael Sama is an internationally recognized speaker, author, and personal development coach.

Finding success in creating hundreds of viral articles and videos on building limitless confidence and healthier relationships, James has accumulated over 39 million visitors to his website and a collective social media following of over 400,000.

James speaks at live events and in the media across the U.S. and has become a go-to expert with outlets such as CNN, Bravo, The New York Post, The Huffington Post, The Daily Beast, CNBC, The Boston Globe, CBS, and more.