Life After Divorce Living In Peace!
Dealing With The Betrayal And Life After Divorce!
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What you will learn from this article.
Why divorce happens in many cases.
Why is the guy often the ogre in the tale?
Having kids complicates things with divorce.
Divorce has its own peaceful benefits.
Note to the reader.
Why divorce happens in many cases.
In my opinion for exactly the same reasons society as we knew it seems to be falling apart. Greed, lust, and betrayal. These come in many forms, lust resulting in adultery, lust for money, lust for more, and more, and more! How much is enough? And the same goes for the other two.
Don’t tell me to “work on a relationship” especially when love is not the problem. You either have honour or you don’t! I’m not going to spend a fortune on therapists and all the rest, after being betrayed. I’m not the kind of guy that is going to “fight for you”.
You either know in your heart you are with me, or you don’t, it’s really quite simple. And if you don’t, then have a nice day. Adultery and betrayal are the only reasons that I would separate from someone. Be it a relationship or friendship.
I do not tolerate that, and there are no second chances. Betray me once, that’s on you, betray me twice (and betrayers normally do). Then that’s on me, that was a choice I made being stupid enough to trust the same person again. Therefore, I don’t.
Getting told how much you mean and how much you’re loved, by the same person who betrays you. Only means that those words never had any meaning to start with. But that’s just me. Maybe I’m just too “old school”, growing up in a time when honour had meaning.
Why Is The Guy Often The Ogre In The Tale?
Often the guy is the ogre in the fairytale regardless, or perhaps just from what I have experienced and witnessed during my time on this rock (Earth). Having to deal with that, along with the betrayal changes you.
What have you done you ****. Em, actually I didn’t do anything, besides getting divorced after “I was betrayed”. I am not saying that all men are always the victims. But I’m also not saying that all men are always the problem. Rather far from it in fact.
“Oh, he’s divorced, he must be an ass then”, really, tell me you’re joking! Again, perhaps just my personal experience, but I had to live through this all the same. Dealing with both the betrayal and being made the ogre. “She’s” falling apart, so it has to be the guy. Nothing is said about adultery.
“Why don’t you patch things up?”, oh, “Go step on a landmine or something!” I’m not a patcher-upper. I’m an electrician, moonlighting as an online writer and digital marketer. I don’t “patch things up”, I replace them.
My late mother might be partially to blame for this lack of tolerance for lust and betrayal. She always said, “A relationship is like an expensive vase. If you break it, then you can stick it together with the best glue available, the cracks will always show!” Meaning, it will never be the same again!
Our mother (my brother and I) was a very wise woman. And along with our grandmother, whose motto was “If you cannot say something good about someone, then be quiet!”.
Never have I ever, and never will I either betray someone like that. It is beneath my standards. Trust me, several “opportunities” presented “themselves” while I was married. And no one would’ve known about it. But THAT is the problem, I will know!
For me, it’s about the truth, about honour, and about your word meaning something. I made a (wedding) promise, and to me that means something. It matters not if you’re “with someone”, if you’re engaged, or if you’re married.
If it doesn’t mean anything to you then (being together), I doubt a piece of paper and jewellery will change that. Therefore, if I’m betrayed in that way, it’s really simple. Or betrayal in any form for that matter. You will never see me again!
Once the dust settles, and you’re moving on you will never be the same person again, it changes you (or most anyway). I think it’s getting over the betrayal that is the hardest part, that stuff changes you. Personally, I have grown rather cautious when it comes to trust. Trust is earned.
Having kids complicates things with divorce.
I have seen this in divorce cases involving friends, I think when there are kids. Then they are the ones suffering the most, “torn between two worlds”. In my case though, there were no kids involved. We were barely married for a year!
But I saw the signs long before. A betrayer always looks for opportunities to shift the blame. Coming home at one and two AM in the morning sometimes. You don’t get the “you look exhausted” and a hug. No, “Where have you been!?”.
Well, I’m in a dirty overhaul. Covered in dust and spider webs, where do you think I have been? In a bar, in a strip club, or in someone’s bed? Get real! No, actually I was seeing someone, but I had to escape through the dirty roof when her husband arrived…lol! And it’s a really OLD house!
That is the first sign that the person is looking for reasons to shift the blame. When they display their own insecurities, I’m rather observant that way. It is often also an indication that “something’s going on”. You’re often working late; you’re working away from home. Think!
Yes, I was working late, often. Yes, I was working away from home, outside the country. As I said, many opportunities presented themselves, and no one would ever have known, except me! And no, I was not being an ass. I don’t cheat, and I don’t abuse women. End of discussion.
Divorce has its own peaceful benefits.
The downside of this kind of experience is trust issues. As mentioned earlier, I’m rather cautious these days when it comes to trust. Especially with relationships and friendships alike. Online trust? Oh well, that’s an entirely different ball game!
After getting divorced, I had no use or desire for a relationship. So, I became a workaholic. Especially after the “bug” of “writing”, and “making money online” got hold of me. I have been a “captive” ever since. A rather dedicated “captive” too!
After so much doubt, finally, I am at peace. Living alone (but taking care of my father), and a lot of time for myself. Now you might wonder who the person is with me in my Medium profile picture. Well, that is my best friend, Bianca, who is also kind of like the “daughter” I never had.
I am yet to see any relationship outlasting a friendship. Which is what means most to me these days, friendship. Yes, I have several female friends, but luckily, they all “batt for the competition”. As gay as they come, and no prospects in sight. Just how I like it.
I have so much peaceful quiet time for writing, I revel in it. The “danger” with that. It’s that people who have been “single” for too long are hard to convince. You will have to come up with a pretty good reason why you are needed in their lives.
A reason that will justify sacrificing their current peace, tranquillity, and time. Because people who have been alone for too long are not lonely, they become very powerful by enjoying their own company. So, although an experience like this can tear you apart.
It can also make you very powerful, once you learn to enjoy your own company (with your cats). And once you start falling in love with writing, be cautious of the latter. It can be addictive, but comfortably addictive. There are no “double vision” addictive effects.
No, wait, I’m lying. Actually, there is. If you’ve been behind your PC writing for long enough, like 16 to 20 hours “long enough”. Then you might experience some “double vision” as a result of sleep deprivation. It happens, what can I say?
Note to the reader.
As I’m sharing a personal experience, I might come forward as “kicking down the door”. But I’m a straightforward person and am often more surprised at the truth coming out of my mouth than everybody else in the room. I have been told I’m a little “rough around the edges” when it comes to spitting out the truth. I would rather hurt someone or lose them by telling the truth than betray them with lies. I’m the one just ripping off the band-aid and getting it over with! I don’t like “plastic” people, I prefer the “genuine and original versions”. That’s just me, in a nutshell. Other than that, I’m usually the “class clown”.
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