Life: A Quest Guide
How to find your destiny & navigate the twists and turns along the way
Imagine you’re in a novel; you’ve been told about a prophecy where you slay a dragon, restore peace to the land, and rule as a member of a long-lost bloodline.
These are impossible tasks, but eventually, you accept your fate and carry on toward your goal, in spite of incredible odds. As the reader, we don’t worry if you will accomplish your task, but there are moments in the story where we wonder, just as you do, “How?”
In life, like in fiction, prophecies are fulfilled in unruly ways. There is often a cost or a sacrifice to be made. So yes, you could metaphorically “slay the dragon”, wield the sword, and maybe rule the land, but you find out that to fulfill your prophecy you also need to leave someone behind.
Or maybe you are forced to survive a mental breakdown, and then complete a difficult internal transformation. Of course, this wasn’t disclosed in the legend being passed down.
This life is not always what we signed up for, and not every part of this story has been spectacular. Now, you’re forever changed.
Whether you saw this story through to its end or chose to walk away, you will find yourself asking, “Was this worth it, and am I happy now?” If you can answer yes to those questions, then you know you are on the right path.
Sometimes, all you can do is continue probing within, imagining your life ahead, and taking the next steps.
We live in a world that proffers an endless variety of shiny dreams, alluring distractions, and unnerving misdirections. In everyday life, it seems we are frequently faced with no clear direction or considering such an overwhelming number of possibilities that you cannot decide which way to go.
What human life and storybook characters have in common though, is the ability to focus on our inner motivations and our dreams. We can create adventures, and often forge bonds with people and in situations along the way. Then, we help each other reach common goals while touching and revealing new pieces of the world.
But, what do we do when things don’t go as planned? And, what if the great prophecy fails?
Heroes, Be Damned
In real life, unlike fiction, there isn’t a list of ten common, possible plot lines.
Life is inherently tricky in that way, and you’ll start out on one path just to find yourself in the perfect place to begin another. Unlike in stories, you will fulfill multiple prophecies in one lifetime, and there is no seasoned witch or kindly wizard to help you identify your goals.
Instead, we are each probing deep inside at some vague feeling. That’s the authority, our true north, and it speaks in dreams and motivations.
To make this process more confusing, we don’t have individual destinies. Unfortunately for our egos, which have been well fed on fairytales and articles on the psychology of the hero’s journey, our destinies are tied to those of others around us, the progression of society, and the world we live in.
Also, unlike the heroes in our favorite stories, we are going to fail sometimes. Life will get messy when you step outside of the hero’s formula, and there is rarely access to the sound reassurances found in foreshadowing.
In fictional worlds, most stories include daring rescues and main characters will often have to risk it all to prove themselves. Sometimes she saves their honor, protects them from death, or has a life-altering effect on another character, saving them from one of the most relatable fictional scenarios, their own destructive behavior.
In stories, things get messy but they work out in quirky, serendipitous ways. In life, you can pour heart and soul into someone or something, waiting for that fateful day when it will all work out, only to encounter a cruel twist of fate.
It turns out the path to your destiny is through heartbreak, a difficult loss, or an unexpected change of direction.
They probably won’t sing songs about us or tell our tales, so we need to feel it in our core, it needs to be worth it.
Plan B: The Path of a Beholder
This all could sound very pessimistic, but it’s healthy to remind ourselves that life is different from a charming fiction. It has its golden, magical moments, but it also presents us with some serious challenges, and magic solutions don’t always appear.
There may not be a wise mentor here to guide you with their perfect wisdom, but you aren’t required to be the hero of this story. You can have a fantastic journey and stretch your creativity to its limits, you are also free to start over or walk away.
This is your destiny, and you don’t have to conquer every obstacle. In this tale, you can strike a balance between overcoming obstacles and reaching for new adventures. You can live life in your own unique way and write your own kinds of stories.
Success in life is not found in fulfilling a grand prophecy, it is often best discovered through the side quests. I’m no Merlin, but I can offer you a piece of advice that was hard-won through experience:
Knowing where to let go allows the magic to flow.
It’s important to remember that you can’t change the destiny of another person or a given situation. You can only cast your fate into the winds and see where you end up, there is no certainty.
The best adventures are uncertain, and all failed adventures lead to new quests. Sometimes, all you can do is focus on making it to the next day while you recover from journeys past.
This will be difficult if you are convinced you are the hero in your story, but what if instead, you’re a Beholder? Beholders open doors.
You may not have been granted the linear destiny of a hero, yours is not easy to comprehend, but when you know how to let go, conserve your efforts, and refocus, you will behold the world within you, and connect it to the world outside.
This is how beholders create. New doors, sometimes even entirely new horizons will open. You will trigger the incantation, and if you’re quiet, you can follow the magic.
Maybe not today, but if you sit with your discomfort a little more patiently, eventually a short, harmonic tune will play. The torches will alight in succession down the correct hallway and lead you on your way.
What To Do If the Dragon Slays You
Recently I developed a serious illness and have gone through the process of starting over. I had to give up my old life, and now I’m forging a new path as someone who is forever changed.
My body will never be the same, and my mind was forced through a difficult transformation. This excerpt by Paul Weinfield helped me clear my head and properly focus on the road ahead,
“…as we go through life, we tend to over-identify with being the hero of our stories. This hero isn’t exactly having fun: he’s getting kicked around, humiliated, and disgraced. But if we can let go of identifying with him, we can find our rightful place in the universe, and a love more satisfying than any we’ve ever known.
People constantly throw around the term ‘Hero’s Journey’ without having any idea what it really means. Everyone from CEOs to wellness-influencers thinks the Hero’s Journey means facing your fears, slaying a dragon, and gaining 25k followers on Instagram. But that’s not the real hero’s journey.
In the real hero’s journey, the dragon slays YOU. Much to your surprise, you couldn’t make that marriage work. Much to your surprise, you turned forty with no kids, no house, and no prospects. Much to your surprise, the world didn’t want the gifts you proudly offered it.
If you are foolish, this is where you will abort the journey and start another, and another, abusing your heart over and over for the brief illusion of winning. But if you are wise, you will let yourself be shattered, and return to the village, humbled, but with a newfound sense that you don’t have to identify with the part of you that needs to win, needs to be recognized, needs to know. This is where your transcendent life begins.
So embrace humility in everything. Life isn’t out to get you, nor are your struggles your fault. Every defeat is just an angel, tugging at your sleeve, telling you that you don’t have to keep banging your head against the wall. Leave that striver there, trapped in his lonely ambitions. Just walk away, and life in its vastness will embrace you.”
If you enjoyed this article and want to hear more on this topic, you can listen to my podcast episode: