Liar, Liar, Pants On Fire

The Variety of Lies We Tell

There are at least four categories of lies: The whoppers-big lies; the ones we tell when we are acting cowardly;the ones we tell that we judge are less hurtful than the truth; and then there are the lies we tell ourselves.

I. Big lies are about important matters and are most often pronounced by leaders of governments, and leaders of religions. They include such statements as:

“We destroyed the entire infrastructure of that country so that the people who live there might be free from tyranny and oppression.”

“Climate change is a myth based on unproven science.”

“We respect all religions, but our religion is the only path to salvation.”

“ There were weapons of mass destruction there that we sought to destroy, no civilian centers were targeted.”

“ LGBTQ people are children of God, however, they need to seek forgiveness for being true to God’s design for them.”

“This virus is no worse than the yearly flu.”

“Meritocracy is the American way of life, can I help it that it is mostly white men who are found to have merit.”

II. The lies we tell because we are afraid of the consequences if we tell the truth:

“Yes, your decision was the correct one, none of the women were qualified to handle the responsibility that comes with that position.”

“Sure, the conference was in Las Vegas, but all the focus was on business matters. I stayed away from the parties and casinos.”

“No, he is not my friend, I don’t care what you do to him.”

“ I can’t back you up with HR about that remark of his. So he used the “N” word, but it was not racist, it was only said in jest.”

“ She was not that drunk, she knew what she was getting into.”

III. The lies, the little ones we tell so as to not hurt someone’s feelings. This requires more of a background. These can be morally ambiguous, but judge for yourself. In the family in which I was raised, there were only a few basic rules. They were: obey your parents and teachers, never hit a girl even if she hits you first, do not ever do anything to get yourself in trouble with the police, and do not lie.

But there were some exceptions carved out to the last one, telling lies. That is where I was introduced to this third category. I had five sisters, three of whom and I were teenagers at the same time. So it was not uncommon for one of my sisters to ask me prior to a special date, or a formal dance: “How does my hair look? What do you think of my dress? Is my make-up all right?” Initially, mindful of the cardinal rule above about truthfulness, I would actually tell her what I thought. That occasionally led to crying and angry words. So my mother told me:” Never ever tell one of your sisters the truth if it will hurt her feelings.Think of something positive to say, no matter how creative you have to be, even if it is not quite what you think.”

With that in mind, here all some little lies:

“Your driving is coming along really well.”

“ Your hair is different, but it is a good different.”

“Anybody could have made the same mistake, that stop sign was easy to miss.”

“No, I don’t mind if you put on a heavy metal CD.”

“I was listening to what you were saying.”

“I’ll be happy to have your brother and his wife and their three kids stay with us while their house is being renovated.”

IV. And the final type of lies, the ones we tell ourselves:

“It is just sex with Sally, I still love my wife.”

“I don’t care about him that way, he is just a friend.”

“It’s not just about protecting my business interests, he is not that bad a President.”

“I’m not religious at all, but I’m a very spiritual person.”

“ I didn’t want that promotion anyway, too much pressure comes with that position.”

“Who cares if none of my pieces ever get curated, writing on medium is a rewarding experience all by itself.”