LGBTQ+Teen
Three takeaways from Their Village
In 2021, my family and I took our yearly Fourth of July trip to a friend’s lake house. My spouse was doing 70 MPH down the expressway, our 17-year-old son was in the back watching YouTube videos, and I was scrolling Instagram when I came across pictures of Genie, my son’s female bestie since kindergarten.
Browsing through pictures on Genie’s page, I started to heart a photo when I read, “My girlfriend is literally a model and I’m loving it”
Huh, I thought, “Genie has a boyfriend?” Curiously, I clicked on the person’s photo who commented, paused, turned my body slowly towards the back seat facing my son, and said, “Poppie, Genie’s a lesbian and dating someone who calls themselves a sex therapist?”
I thought my spouse would crash the car while my clueless son’s eyes bulged, and his body froze like he was playing possum.
The next hour in the car was all things Genie. As I read several posts from the other person’s page about putting their 17-year-old fingers and tongue in Genie’s no-no zone, my spouse kept saying, “But I thought she liked boys?”
At this point, my son looked as if throwing himself out of the car would be less torture than this conversation.
My reaction was much different than my partner’s. “Let’s address the girl-on-girl thing later. These hyper-sexualized posts by this trashy girl need to be taken down?”
Genie was and is like a niece to me. I had nursed her wounds; we baked together, and she took vacations with our family; hell, she was family. I didn’t care if the post was from Carl or Carol. Those posts did not align with how her female village raised her. I monitored Genie’s page for her mother and knew that after this short vacation, she and I would have a much different conversation than usual.
So, how do you parent or interact with an LGBQT+ teen?
First, buy a big raw onion and chop it into fine pieces. Once the burning sensation and tears become unbearable, grab some milk from the fridge and dump it over your open eyes. Finally, after the milk starts to form a thin layer on your face, hold a small birthday candle, light it, go to a mirror, and repeat, “Dumb ass, my teen’s sexual preference doesn’t dictate how I parent and who my child is, “until the candle wax drips all over.
PSA- Don’t really do this because it is absurd, unsafe, and not a TikTok challenge.
But so is the question.
Below are THREE things to remember.
- Don’t be a narcissist. It’s not about you.
Stop asking yourself, how did this happen to me? What did I do wrong? Did I do too many drugs in my twenties? What will my friends think?
Your child’s sexuality isn’t your punishment or cross to bear. It has nothing to do with you. Your child didn’t ask to be born, preferring to date a person of the same sex. And their choice doesn’t affect you. As a parent, a protector, you need to do just that: protect your child. They could face adversity and be rejected by others. They don’t need that from you.
Genie’s mom is an African American woman who was about to run for office in politics. About a month after all this came to light, we were having one of our pow-wows about Genie’s out-of-state sex therapist partner, who she met online during the Covid lockdown.
Genie’s mom was trying to wrap her head around all of this because it came out of nowhere for her. Her exact words were, “That’s my child, and I’m not going to push her away. It’s not about me.”
2. Love your child. Let me repeat it: Love your child.
When I asked Genie about her coming out, she was more concerned about being shunned by relatives than her mom’s reaction. Less than a month after Genie told her mom, they visited Genie’s grandfather. Within the first fifteen minutes of being there, Genie’s mom told him Genie had a girlfriend and that it was all good with her; hence, it would be all good with him, too! And it was good with the entire family.
Regardless, that’s still your child. When your child starts dating, in general, it’s going to be a bit weird. The thought of my son making out with his partner makes me gag a bit. And I intentionally said partner because it doesn’t matter.
3. Ask questions and show typical parental concern for your child’s life.
Your child still goes to school, could be in sports, and is growing mentally. The gender of the person your child is kissing isn’t your concern. Your child isn’t doing porn or blow. You would have to be worried about STIs regardless of their sexual preference.
Don’t let the internet parent your child on this issue or any issue.
One day when I was asking Genie about her partner, I said, “Oh, now we get to have another sex talk, only this time I’m showing you online pics of infected vaginas instead of penises.” She laughed, but it was one of our usual sincere moments. Her safety and mental health were still my main concern. The only issue that was off the table was pregnancy.
Knowing from her partner’s online post that she did drugs, drank, and had been suicidal in the past, I wanted to do check-ins with Genie. Her mother and I wanted to ensure she still wanted to attend college and stay on pace with her goals.
We have all gotten lost in puppy love.
Did Genie’s mom love her partner? I will say no, but she still supported and loved her daughter.
LGBTQ+ kids aren’t committing suicide just because they are gay. It’s deeper than that. Just like with heterosexual teens, LGBTQ+ kids with parental and family support fare better. A study conducted in May 2023 showed that LGBTQ+ youth who felt affirmed by people closest to them in their family could maintain positive mental health and well-being.
Everything starts at home. That’s not to say that your LGBTQ+ teen won’t sadly commit suicide even if you are supportive, but straight kids with supportive parents commit suicide also.
There are so many layers to being a teen right now. Is it fair to take your emotional support away because of their choice? Hopefully, it’s easier to unconditionally love your child, who is more than their sexuality.
For those who still don’t get it, would you rather have a conversation with your child in person or at their grave?