Letter To Myself: Looking Back At Past Success Is The Reason You’re Stagnant

Letter 1: Perfection

Hey, me.

Think back.

Remember when you couldn’t do a pullup?

Remember when you couldn’t do 20 press-ups?

You can do both of the above in your sleep now.

But could you see that future then?

Could you see the type of person you’d have to be to get there?

Did you predict the you that’s writing this very second?

I know you didn’t.

We had no idea.

We had no idea that all the shame and pain would pay out this way.

All that embarrassment when you tried and failed.

It was imperfect and ugly.

But you still remained consistent.

Bearing all of that was fine because you wanted change more than the comfort of ‘appearing’ perfect.

You humbled yourself.

You lowered yourself.

You accepted you weren’t too good to try.

You weren’t too good to take advice.

You weren’t too good to learn.

It starts with humility.

That’s why you still kept trying.

That’s why you still kept walking despite the uncertainty.

It didn’t matter that you were walking blindfolded.

You clutched onto the simple resolve of taking just one more step.

All you did was try to keep walking further than yesterday.

And you did keep walking.

Fine, we took some detours and gave up sometimes.

But in the end, you kept walking.

NO MATTER HOW IMPERFECT THOSE STEPS WERE.

So, answer me this?

Where did we pick up this arrogance from?

Who am I now to stop walking because it doesn’t look perfect?

Who am I to give up the mantle you carried for so long — just because I’m scared of not doing it perfectly?

Who am I to give up?

Who am I to spit on the blood, sweat and tears you shed?

Who am I to spit on every mental victory you won?

Who am I to know how far we walked, and consider throwing in the towel just because it doesn’t look perfect.

I’ll tell you what:

A coward.

Less than the person you were.

The pursuit of perfection is not an assumption of a higher responsibility, once you abandon your journey.

That’s the abandonment of rationality.

It is stupidity.

Arrogance.

Naivety.

It’s weakness.

That is running from responsibility not toward it.

When did you get so satisfied with who you are?

Don’t you see how much further we have to walk?

What are you admiring?

What is there to be satisfied about?

What have you achieved that you can consider stopping?

Tell me!

And if you won’t answer, I’ll tell you:

NOTHING.

Stop looking at how far you’ve come and focus on what’s in front of you.

Because it’s definitely not the finish line.

If you could meet the you who couldn’t do 20 press-ups, I bet he’d be wide and starry-eyed.

He’d be filled with pride and hope.

That it gets better.

That it’s worth it.

But that’s him.

Not you.

Could you return the earnest look of hunger in his eyes?

Of course not you quitter.

Not with this flimsy mindset.

Take up the mantle

Let me teach you what responsibility means:

Taking up responsibility means running towards your fear.

It means diving in the deep end.

It means standing up to your Goliath.

It means finding strength in your imperfection, not your shining armour.

It is humility through self-awareness with the heart to still try for more.

Picture this, you are David.

I know you’re small, David.

I know you’re the least equipped.

I know you only have the little that is available to you.

But look at Goliath square in the eyes.

That is the assumption of responsibility.

Find a way or die trying.

Leave no stone unturned.

No option unexhausted.

Gamble everything.

Put your whole heart into it.

That is what it means to take up the mantle of responsibility.

Where is the room for perfection there?

Nowhere.

Go do the you who dreamt proud.

LM