Letter To My Father In Hospital

My daddy -

I do not want to compare you to the radiant ray of sun in a warm balmy winter, or the fragrance of flowers. Neither will I compare you to ephemeral abstract entities of Earth. For even the Earth moves, shifts on its axis, and changes its direction with time, turning its face of earth towards upon the sun, casting shadows and emanating light. Thereby, making it inconsistent. But what is consistent in this fleeting world, if at all? It is your affection and loyalty towards your family, for us.

You are an essence of being the living soul embedded deep into human consciousness. It remains intangible and unquantifiable. With no breadth, depth, and height, it is amorphous, shapeless, ever present, living as consciousness in our bodies interwoven into space and time, also known as endless stream of light particles. And not of just Milky way galaxy, but countless, endless galaxies in the universe. You are an inextinguishable flame of life-giving energy that is immeasurable, for eternity.

All living, breathing life forms are made of matter, making up the ecosystem of living beings, building blocks, sustaining us(our family). You are our entity, identity, and the place which we occupy in the world. You are that matter, building block, and we owe our lives to you, because you are the life-giving, fundamental blocks of self within in us.

Your sacrifice in meeting our needs will remain irresolute, unshakable, in the cosmos even when our planet and galaxy ceases to exist due to big bang with the passage of time.

You are live in us and we live in you. We are from you, from your inner most core. Your importance and place in our lives is impregnated, deep like a mitochondria floating in a cell. And as you know, Mitochondria is the ATP producing, energy producing body in cells, without mitochondria, cell ceases to function.

You are infinite. You are a beautiful melody coming out of piano. You are the first smile of an infant, the joy of parent who marvel at their infant’s first step taken towards them, you are the first pride of a person earning the first salary, you are the melody which lasts continually in our hearts, and occupy the space in us.

Your importance in our lives is vast and never-ending as the blue expanse of the sky. I am remembering at this very moment as I write, your countless laughter’s and smiling face. They are etched in my memory deeply, involuntarily like a repetitive habit done effortlessly without resistance by the course of developed habit.

I hear you calling me, “Meghal, get up, don’t sleep for too long” and there are no words sweeter to me today as they them. I would gladly be at the receiving end of your scolding and anger for they are precious to me than any other object and forms existing in the world. I can listen to your countless scolding’s today, for they are a gift packaged in a leather covering but inside is the most luminous object that lets me, as of today and every day in past, bask in a steady stream of warm, balmy light rays, letting my optic system to function in tandem to see this beautiful world.

I am storing your voice in the core of my being and radiance in the deepest recesses of my cells. I see your larger-than-life body, dense hair on your head, and solid ethical moral principles, thick as huge, massive trees found in California.

It should be enough to live my life even when I am penniless with my whole life ahead of me.

If I could receive a minuscule portion of who you are, and to that effect, I mean if it were to be feasible in this mortal world, within the consign of scientific laws, I would store you in a bottle as a rare elixir, unknown to mankind. For me, it will be like ambrosia (amrit) blessed by Lord Vishnu, taken by Indra and team during Samudra Manthan, that made them immortal.

And I will forever be grateful for this sweet nectar from Gods, until I breathe.

Whilst growing up, I remember our summer afternoons wherein you would come from treating patients and afterward, play (tickling) us, during which Attreya and I would be sandwiched between you and Mother, tell us stories from Panchatantra, or play chess. Those memories will live with me whole of my life, even when I will be 80 years old, withered and wrinkled — my older self shall fondly think of those sweet, sweet vftimes.

These snippets of memory float freely every time, unbeknownst to me, simmering slowly and latent, dormant in the folds of my brain, omnipresent and omnipotent, whether in sleep or wakefulness. I remember the time when you had come back from someplace you had gone for medical duty by the border of Nepal and had gotten me a gun toy. I would have been probably 6 or 7 years old. However, I distinctly remember the night, mother sitting on side sofa on the left and you on right, you looked tired. I am happy that I got the gun, it was white in color and had red light when the button was pressed.

I remember your solid, frozen expressionless face in my wedding and both of us trying to avert gaze and not lock eyes with each other. Our blithe exchanges of conversation during the wedding, your silent, quiet demeanor will remain frozen in time like a fresh, soft, snow falling during Christmas morning.

Your solid presence, sincerity and genuity flows like pure spring water of waterfall. You are a gift to the world — a perennial tree, with thick, solid, deep roots that dates back to million years, and standing tall and strong, withstanding adverse weather through thousands of years’, marking its place in the world to this day.

While you heal from the brain tumour surgery, we are waiting for you to come back, grace our lives and lead us, just like a lion — the mighty king of jungle.

(21st November, 2020 at 10:14 PM // Max Hospital, New Delhi)