Let’s Talk About the Gillette Ad

Seriously, this is an invitation to a conversation

I watched the now infamous Gillette ad all the way through for the first time this morning. At the end I was teary — teared up at the prospect of our society really maybe trying to be better and of men taking a very active role in that; to stop bullying, to speak up about harassment, to encourage us all to be better people who take better care of each other and affirmatively raise our children to do the same.

Then I went and read a bunch of the criticisms, and I have to say, I really don’t get it. What is so offensive about pointing out that as of right now there are masculine-oriented systems that don’t do enough in this regard? I know, I know, not all men, but that isn’t remotely what they were saying. It never is and yet that still has to factor into absolutely every single one of these conversations! You can’t address social ills through the lens of personal identity and attempting to address them is not an attack on any specific man personally.

This ad showed men modeling being good human beings and it was as if it were the worst thing in the world! I do want to hear more from you, men in particular, but before we go there, here is my response to some of the criticisms I’ve already read and watched.

I watched about 20 of the 30some odd minutes of the Rebel Wisdom critique of the ad before I had to turn it off in disgust. To me, it was completely tone-deaf and fragile. Here are some of their issues:

“They focus on the symptoms of masculinity. Men are more violent, they are not well behaved with women and they are not well behaved with other men,” says Fernando Desouches. “They focus on that and not on the underlying issues. Men are in crisis because they are performing who they are and not being who they are and instead of empowering them, they said why don’t we teach them.”

So, in other words, the real issue isn’t with the message, but in how it was delivered. It’s not wrong to assert that many men behave poorly or that we have a social system that encourages men to perform masculinity rather than to just be the men they are. We just aren’t supposed to talk about that unless we also talk about why. Meanwhile, anyone who tries to talk about things like the performative masculinity of “the man box” or anti-social aspects of the way that many boys are socialized gets shouted down as attacking men. If it wasn’t respectful enough of the very real issues facing men right now, my question is how are we supposed to talk about trying to improve things without actually pointing to the ways in which they are currently bad — and do it in 30 seconds?

On to another critique: “Who is Gillette to tell us how to be? Looking at individual context, what they are saying is fine, but what axioms are they basing those on? “What is the right way to think and behave? Isn’t that the place of religion?”

Why on earth do we need anybody to tell us that bullying is wrong? Why do we need something like religion to tell us that discounting women simply for being female or treating them like a piece of meat is wrong? It’s not really in question whether or not these are acceptable behaviors and claiming that it can’t be determined by laymen is simply specious and a deflection. I find that incredibly lame and tired.

And what about the fact that advertising, from its inception, has been avidly telling women how to be?

The vast majority of advertising and marketing is targeted towards women telling them how to be better wives, homemakers, and sex kittens. But somehow if you suggest to a man how to help co-create a better society, that is out of line? Really????

“Men do not have to fall for women to rise?” says David Fuller of Rebel Wisdom. I agree entirely but what exactly was there in that ad that was advocating for men falling? Showing men taking a stand on behalf of other people who are being harmed shows men falling? In what universe? None of these guys have said anything substantive or even logical. It’s all just reacting to feelings of being criticized, but don’t you think that bullying and bad behavior should be criticized? Apparently not by women, since the fact that this ad was produced by a woman is one of the main points of contention. I think this is the real issue.

So, if you didn’t like the ad, can you please explain to me why? I want to hear specific reactions to specific things that were shown or said in the ad, not some generalization about feminists or tone or what have you. Let’s talk turkey here. What’s so wrong with this?

I’d particularly love to hear from some of my male friends here, whether you liked it or not and why. Jack Preston King, Junkman, J Apple Muncy, James Jordan, James Whelan, Lance Yohe, Vasana, Jeff Barton, Hank Eng, Simon Black, just to name a few…..

© Copyright Elle Beau 2020 Elle Beau writes on Medium about sex, life, relationships, society, anthropology, spirituality, and love. If this story is appearing anywhere other than Medium.com, it appears without my consent and has been stolen.