Let’s Spite Some Faces!

You can pick your friends, you can pick your nose, and if you’re careful, you can even pick your friend’s nose.

But you can’t pick your enemy’s nose. Not without a decent saw, at least. Also, it’s best to wait until after you’ve killed them because it’s too hard to saw their nose off while they’re still alive.

I like to make necklaces out of the noses and wear them to my enemies’ funerals. One time an uncle of my enemy was like “You shouldn’t make a necklace out of the dead guy’s nose and wear it to their funeral. It’s disrespectful.” Guess how many noses the uncle has now.

Zero. Because I killed him and took his nose.

But don’t worry; I didn’t make it into a necklace. I made it into a hat instead. Now, whenever he misses his nose, he can look down from Heaven and see it on top of my head.

If you ask me, I did him a favor. God has really smelly farts.

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