Let’s Get Married

The History of Marriage and Its Pros & Cons

I have been contemplating the idea of marriage extensively lately. My s/o and I have known each other for nearly a decade, and we’ve had a few conversations about what marriage could mean for us in the future.

We have been living together for almost 6 years enjoying the many benefits of marriage without being married. As someone who views marriage as an important milestone, I wondered why we feel the need to get married. Where did this tradition come from, and what are the pros and cons?

More and more people nowadays are choosing not to get married, according to recent research.

“Since 1997, the importance of marriage has decreased among men aged 18 to 34, from 35% to 29%, while it has increased among young women, rising from 28% to 37%.” — The Pew Research Institute

Attempting to talk about marriage with someone who has gone through a divorce often leads to comments like—

“Why get married, it’s only going to end in divorce?’’ or simply “Marriage is a waste of time.”

Something about those loud echoes of negativity really makes me look forward to the idea of marriage. Really, I just know that everyone’s experience is unique, and it’s absolutely possible to have a successful and fulfilling marriage.

The History Behind Marriages

The concept of marriage has evolved over the course of history. The first humans who lived roughly 5,000,000 years ago were not known to have practiced marriage, as they lived in open polyamorous communities where males and females had sex with many partners.

However, as humans began to walk upright, hunt with tools, and their brains grew bigger, they developed the need for a survival strategy that gave birth to the first marriages.

During this period survival was difficult, and the offspring that had the best chance to reach adulthood were those that had two parents that worked together to raise and protect them. Couples would stay together for about three to four years before one or the other would wander off to start another family.

Agriculture meant that humans were permanently tied to the land, so marriage became a lifelong union between two people, recognized by their community.

Today, marriage has become less about survival and more about tradition, culture, and what is considered “normal”. With the decline in new marriages each year, people are beginning to see marriage as an outdated and restricting tradition that is not worth it.

The Altar

Marriage was seen as a way for men to have someone to take care of their household. Today, people are wisely choosing to further their education and pursue higher-paying jobs, many people don’t need someone to provide for them.

As a result, marriage rates are at an all-time low.

Many Millennials and Gen-Zers are more confident in the belief that we can have a family without getting married, as history has proven many times.

“Teenagers and young adults do aspire to get married, they just aren’t marrying as young as they used to, and they think it’s important to attain financial independence and complete their education first.” — Christine Percheski

Some people are just waiting for a partner with the same values and goals, rather than focusing on financial or social stability — Or require everything in between.

Marriage is no longer seen as a necessity but rather a choice and I think many of us are beginning to take our time to ensure that we are making the best decision.

You can also legally have a lifelong partner and raise a family without getting married, such as in a domestic partnership or civil union.

To the list —

Pros of marriage

• Emotional Security: Marriage can provide a stable emotional foundation, providing a deep sense of security and intimacy within the relationship.
• Display commitment: Marriage is the ultimate way to showcase your commitment to your partner.
• Legal & Financial benefits: Married couples are seen as a single taxable unit in the eyes of the government, allowing them to save a lot of money on taxes. People also saw a significant increase in their level of wealth.
• Social benefits: Married people appear to be more stable, committed, and reliable.
• Health benefits: Married people live longer, and the stability of a long marriage can act as a support structure throughout life.

Cons of marriage

• Age: Some people may not be emotionally or mentally prepared for the responsibilities that marriage entails.
• Cost: Weddings can be expensive, and many couples are still paying for their weddings years later.
• Divorce: Over half of all marriages in the US end in divorce.
• Pressure from family and society: Many people feel pressure to get married because of family and traditional expectations.
• Loss of personal freedom: Marriage is a lifelong commitment that can limit personal freedom and flexibility.

I’m sure there are numerous other pros and cons not listed, but one may never truly know until officially tying the knot. Everything in life is a risk, so why not start by making a list?

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The decision to get married should be based on our own goals and priorities, not anyone else’s expectations.

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