Let’s Cut the Crap

If we don’t, who will?

Yesterday, as I was skimming a couple of stories about weight loss, I was struck by the plethora of empty rhetoric and tired “advice.” And I know you’ll find this hard to believe, but I almost felt sorry for the writers.

Actually calling them “writers” is a stretch. I don’t know what the moniker should be for people who crap on the page and call it a day. Who neglect to put any concerted effort into their work. And, who believe that writing is so easy, anyone can do it. Even, them.

Let me give you an example. The story that stands out in my mind is rife with tips such as “eat less.”

Really. So, you’re telling us that in order to lose weight, we need to ingest less food?

Huh. How would we ever have figured out that one? And I’ll just bet that if we want to gain weight, we need to eat more!

The rest of the story was in the same vein. As I said, I skimmed it, but there wasn’t one nugget of solid info that made me want to stop and read the entire piece. The writing was mediocre and there wasn’t a sense that the individual believed what he was putting out. In other words, the story was bullshit and he knew it.

The other weight loss story was full of typos and grammatical errors. In fact, the writer never noticed that she repeated one, long paragraph. How do you not notice that unless you don’t give a shit? Or, you have an utter lack of respect for the craft, like so many here, which is infuriating to those of us who give a damn.

We all miss typos in our work. Every single one of us, but for fuck’s sake, if you’re cutting and pasting from another document, take the time to read the damned thing when you’re done.

I was going to let the writer know about her gaffe in the comments section but changed my mind.

Since then, I’ve been thinking that perhaps we, as in the collective “we,” need to stop letting these people slide into this platform on a sea of their own shit. Apparently, since quality is not paramount to these folks, they need to be “illuminated.” (Gak.) But yeah, literally.

Inexplicably, these stories were in my feed, so to me, I feel as if I have every right to call out the excrement if it’s staring me in the face. But, not in a way that could be perceived as an “attack.” Certainly, not that. Because there are writers here who can’t grab their ass with both hands, but have the best of intentions, unlike the scammers and bullshit tipsters.

So how about a little tough love?

I’ll give you an idea of what I’m suggesting. The famed film critic, Pauline Kael, was notorious for her candor. She called a turd, a turd. If she disliked a movie, her review was scathing.

Conversely, when the razor-tongued critic loved a film, she held nothing back. If you ever get a chance, read her review of Last Tango in Paris, starring the incomparable Marlon Brando. The review is as masterful as the film.

One of my favorite anecdotes about Pauline Kael involves a fawning wannabe screenwriter who somehow managed to convince her to read his script. She had to be in one hell of a good mood that day! Until it came to her “review.”

Her critique: A very simple, “It’s shit, honey.”

Now, that’s the kind of comment I can get behind! Pun intended. Why don’t we follow suit and stop putting up with the inane, the unoriginal, the sloppy, the snooze-inducing, and the purloined “content” that befouls this mighty platform on a daily basis?

We don’t have to lose our shit. We don’t have to bitch-slap anyone, unless they deserve it. All we have to do it tell the truth. And sure, sometimes that stings but, if I published turd upon turd in a never-ending loop, I’d want to know about it. Wouldn’t you?

Note: This is the perfect segue for the haters to hate. I’m ready for you.

So what do you think, fellow writers? Should we join forces to cut the crap? It’s worth at least a practice run, no?

Let’s say that today, we run across a couple of stinkers in our feeds. Instead of rolling our eyes and moving on, let’s take a page from Pauline Kael’s playbook and drop this simple, yet concise comment:

“It’s shit, honey.”

Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her short films have screened at The Pan African Film Festival in Cannes (awarded “best short”), the Nashville Film Festival, the Honolulu Film Festival, the Los Angeles Film School, New Filmmakers New York, and New Filmmakers Los Angeles. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times, and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, “The Month We Fell Apart,” a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.

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