Let’s All Be Selfish Pricks.

Make the World a Better Place.

I’ve heard the logic that gestures of kindness and acts of helping our fellow humans are actually selfish; this being due to the hit of feel-good brain chemicals we get from such actions.

I may be over simplifying here, but it seems to me we are wired to not be assholes to each other. I know what you’re thinking.

If we’re wired to be kind, then why have we made such a science out of being horrible toward each other?

Well, how the hell should I know? I’m just a schlub from the American Midwest.

To me the math is quite simple. If we want to feel good, and being kind spikes feel-good chemicals, then be kind. Wouldn’t that really piss off Big Pharma, politicians, and the military industrial complex?

Let me answer that for you….

Yes.

I’ve stumbled upon the answer to all our problems; kindness.

Holy snikeys, I’m a genius!

So here is how it works. When you go to bed tonight, complete your usual rituals; tooth-brushing, flossing, – I prefer water picking – put your hair in curlers, and of course rub one out if needed.

Once in bed, promise yourself that you will be kind in every human interaction tomorrow. Rinse and repeat daily.

Every store clerk, coworker, social media interaction, kindness, kindness, and don’t forget kindness.

Kindness can be manifested with a simple smile toward a stranger – Word of warning. This could be misconstrued as flirtatious and you being followed by a creeper.

Kindness can be holding the door open for the person behind you. – This can backfire if the person is self-conscious about how slow they move. I was once yelled at by an old lady with a cane for making her feel rushed.

Kindness is……

Awe hell! I’m getting on my own nerves while writing this, and it starts with being kind to yourself.

Start your day by looking in the mirror and giving yourself a big fat sloppy kiss; – Keep a bottle of Windex nearby – this should get those feel-good chemicals spiking.

I’m realizing I’m not very good at kindness advice.

Just think of the butterfly effect, or the ripple in the water thingy. That shits real, you know!

Okay, my work is done here.

In conclusion:

Be a selfish prick and make the world a better place….by being kind.

Thank you.

That time I searched “big stupid smile.” Upsplash, you ain’t right!