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Abstract

competition, just like Elaine.I won’t go into details on the pitch that landed me a spot as a finalist (because it is now my employer’s intellectual property), but that is not the intent of this post anyway.I intend to share everything I’ve learned about competing and losing.<h1 id="1b79">Lessons from the Losers Circle</h1>As a former athlete, I’m accustomed to both winning and losing. Ironically, fifteen years of competitive swimming isn’t where I learned the most meaningful lessons on losing.Over the last year, I lost not only that competition, but I also lost some freedoms, a little bit of my sanity, and some of my entitlement mentality.It turns out life is all about how we cope with loss.Here are four takeaways that will come in handy if you want to reclaim being a loser:<h2 id="cf78">No1: Find Your Goldilocks Factor</h2>I’m a byproduct of growing up as a tomboy in the 80s. I learned at a young age, when I lost, to shake that sh*t off. Recently, I started to wonder if that was the best approach?There has to be something in between “I don’t give AF” and “Everyone gets a trophy.”What is the Goldilocks of losing? For me, it has been letting myself feel my feelings. It hurts to lose. Or at least it does if you want to win and don’t get what you want.And we don’t always get what we want. I’ve started to mourn my losses instead of ignoring them. The discomfort is temporary, but the resiliency it builds is just right.It turns out life is all about how we cope with loss.<h2 id="f1ff">No2: Innovate Your Response to Losing</h2>The art of losing is something I reflected on last year when I witnessed my son become a victi

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m of the “blame game”. In this case, the parents were overly vocal and blamed the loss on lousy ref calls.Then came the conspiracy theories about the other team’s coach being the son of the questionable referee. These deflections are just as bad as a participation trophy, in my humble opinion.There has to be acceptance in losing.Sometimes even our best performances are losing ones. There’s always going to be a better athlete, a stronger applicant for a job, a better blog writer. You name it. You are not perfect.You can innovate by adjusting your reaction to loss. Reclaim it. Maybe even learn to embrace that humble feeling.<h2 id="4a62">No3: Stop Looking for a “Major Award”</h2>The obligatory participation trophy seems like a millennial invention. My husband and I often joke about the ways we overcompensate because of our own prior experiences.Refer back to lesson number one — let your kids, yourself, whomever — feel those feelings of loss. Recognition of an intense effort is meaningful; however, a token gift for not getting what you want seems like a safety net.It could contribute to an entitlement mentality. Let grace be your reward.<h2 id="98b0">No4: Take Inventory of Your Gains</h2>I’m not a fan of polarization. Life is full of gray, not just black and white. Therefore there’s not just winning and losing. There are gains.2020 put many things in perspective for me, including gaining an appreciation for simple things. If you’re stuck on the big “W,” losing is inevitable. If personal growth is the end game, you will always have something to show for your effort.What have you learned from losing?I am sending you all my peace, love, and recognition.</article></body>

Creativity | Self | Psychology

Let it Hurt: Find a Way To Lose ‘Just Right’

#1 Find your Goldilocks factor

Photo contributed by and features the author.

One year ago, I competed in an innovation competition, lost, and received the world’s most bougie participation trophy. Seriously. This trophy is made of crystal, has my name engraved, and is a translucent blue that probably has a name like Azure Ocean (as seen in the cover image).

Believe it or not, the irony of receiving a participation trophy as an adult did temporarily distract me from the sting of losing.

Maybe it served a purpose then? My recent viewing of the movie Home Alone inspired the other usage I can envision. Indeed, this would make a suitable weapon against burglars.

However, I doubt our leadership team envisioned the trophy as a bludgeoning tool. Or a chalice (as depicted in the cover image). This well-intentioned reward sits on the desk in my home office (which has been my permanent work location since March 2020) and occasionally causes me to contemplate the contest.

As I reflect on my “Big L,” here’s a taste of what it’s like to be a (gracious) loser.

The Contest

The Contest. OK, if you’re a Seinfeld fan, that headline should make you giggle — if it didn’t, Google it.

This contest was not as colorful as Jerry and Co.’s contest, but I was the only female in the competition, just like Elaine.

I won’t go into details on the pitch that landed me a spot as a finalist (because it is now my employer’s intellectual property), but that is not the intent of this post anyway.

I intend to share everything I’ve learned about competing and losing.

Lessons from the Losers Circle

As a former athlete, I’m accustomed to both winning and losing. Ironically, fifteen years of competitive swimming isn’t where I learned the most meaningful lessons on losing.

Over the last year, I lost not only that competition, but I also lost some freedoms, a little bit of my sanity, and some of my entitlement mentality.

It turns out life is all about how we cope with loss.

Here are four takeaways that will come in handy if you want to reclaim being a loser:

No1: Find Your Goldilocks Factor

I’m a byproduct of growing up as a tomboy in the 80s. I learned at a young age, when I lost, to shake that sh*t off. Recently, I started to wonder if that was the best approach?

There has to be something in between “I don’t give AF” and “Everyone gets a trophy.”

What is the Goldilocks of losing? For me, it has been letting myself feel my feelings. It hurts to lose. Or at least it does if you want to win and don’t get what you want.

And we don’t always get what we want. I’ve started to mourn my losses instead of ignoring them. The discomfort is temporary, but the resiliency it builds is just right.

It turns out life is all about how we cope with loss.

No2: Innovate Your Response to Losing

The art of losing is something I reflected on last year when I witnessed my son become a victim of the “blame game”. In this case, the parents were overly vocal and blamed the loss on lousy ref calls.

Then came the conspiracy theories about the other team’s coach being the son of the questionable referee. These deflections are just as bad as a participation trophy, in my humble opinion.

There has to be acceptance in losing.

Sometimes even our best performances are losing ones. There’s always going to be a better athlete, a stronger applicant for a job, a better blog writer. You name it. You are not perfect.

You can innovate by adjusting your reaction to loss. Reclaim it. Maybe even learn to embrace that humble feeling.

No3: Stop Looking for a “Major Award”

The obligatory participation trophy seems like a millennial invention. My husband and I often joke about the ways we overcompensate because of our own prior experiences.

Refer back to lesson number one — let your kids, yourself, whomever — feel those feelings of loss. Recognition of an intense effort is meaningful; however, a token gift for not getting what you want seems like a safety net.

It could contribute to an entitlement mentality. Let grace be your reward.

No4: Take Inventory of Your Gains

I’m not a fan of polarization. Life is full of gray, not just black and white. Therefore there’s not just winning and losing. There are gains.

2020 put many things in perspective for me, including gaining an appreciation for simple things. If you’re stuck on the big “W,” losing is inevitable. If personal growth is the end game, you will always have something to show for your effort.

What have you learned from losing?

I am sending you all my peace, love, and recognition.