avatarSuzanne Mondoux

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Abstract

span> <span class="hljs-params">(c *calculator)</span></span> Calculate(num... <span class="hljs-type">int</span>) { ans := <span class="hljs-number">0</span> <span class="hljs-keyword">for</span> _, n := <span class="hljs-keyword">range</span> num { ans += n } fmt.Println(ans) }

<span class="hljs-keyword">var</span> Calculator calculator</pre></div><p id="c1d0">We exposed a struct which implements the method Calculate. This is required for the discovery and registration of the plugin. Now to compile this and make it a shared-object we need to build the library as a plugin.</p><div id="b6b4"><pre><span class="hljs-attribute">go build -o -buildmode</span>=plugin .</pre></div><p id="198a">After this, we will have a shared object file(in our case “<i>add.so</i>”) which we can dynamically load at runtime in our main application.</p><figure id="5129"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*HEBnzWVkvUP0JjhOsfOH7Q.png"><figcaption>updated file structure of the library</figcaption></figure><p id="5408">Now to dynamically load the library into our main application at run time we need use the plugin system of Golang.</p><div id="0960"><pre><span class="hljs-keyword">import</span> ( <span class="hljs-string">"fmt"</span> <span class="hljs-string">"os"</span> <span class="hljs-string">"plugin"</span> )

<span class="hljs-keyword">type</span> Calculator <span class="hljs-keyword">interface</span> { Calculate(num... <span class="hljs-type">int</span>) }

<span class="hljs-function"><span class="hljs-keyword">func</span> <span class="hljs-title">main</span><span class="hljs-params">()</span></span> { calculatorPlugin, err := plugin.Open(<span class="hljs-string">"/abs/path/to/shared/object/file"</span>) <span class="hljs-keyword">if</span> err != <span class="hljs-literal">nil</span> { fmt.Println(<span class="hljs-string">"error while opening shared object file"</span>) os.Exit(<span class="hljs-number">1</span>) }

symCalculator, err := calculatorPlugin.Lookup(<span class="hljs-string">"Calculator"</span>) <span class="hljs-keyword">if</span> err != <span class="hljs-literal">nil</span> { fmt.Println(<span class="hljs-string">"error while lookup"</span>) os.Exit(<span class="hljs-number">1</span>) }

<span class="hljs-keyword">var</span> calculator Calculator calculator, ok := symCalculator.(Calculator) <span class="hljs-keyword">if</span> !ok { fmt.Println(<span class="hljs-string">"unexpected type from module symbol"</span>) os.Exit(<span class="hljs-number">1</span>) }

calculator.Calculate(<span class="hljs-number">3</span>,<span class="hljs-number">4</span>) }</pre></div><p id="f4f9">In this case if we are making any changes to library, we don’t need to re-compile our main application. We only need to recompile the library’s shared object and rerun our main application.</p><p id="a32d">Due to the different characteristics, the advantages and disadvantages of static and dynamic libraries are also obvious; binaries that rely only on static libraries and are generated by static linking can be executed independently because they contain all the dependencies, but the compilation result is also larger. Dynamic libraries can be shared among multiple executables, which can reduce the memory footprint, and their linking process is often triggered during loading or running, so they can contain some modules that can be hot-plugged and reduce the memory footprint. Compiling binaries using static linking has very obvious deployment advantages, and the final compiled product will run directly on most machines. The deployment benefits of static linking are far more important than the lower memory footprint, that’s why Golang uses static linking as the default linking method.</p><h1 id="d290">Issues with Dynamic-linking (shared library plugins) in Go</h1><p id="91cd">Plugins using shared libraries and the plugin package work well for Golang, as the previous section demonstrates. However, this approach also has some serious downsides. The most important downside is that Golang is very picky about keeping the main application and the shared libraries it loads compatible.</p><p id="285c">As an experiment, try using different versions of a common d

Options

ependency in the plugin application and the main application, rebuild the main application and run it. Most likely you’ll get this error:</p><div id="443c"><pre><span class="hljs-comment">"plugin was built with a different version of package XXX"</span></pre></div><figure id="d928"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*ow5zqQqWHmQoZqaC.gif"><figcaption></figcaption></figure><p id="35aa">The reason for this is that Golang wants all the versions of all packages in the main application and plugins to match exactly. It’s clear what motivates this: safety.</p><p id="7b0e">Consider C and C++ as counter-examples. In these languages, an application can load a shared library with dlopen and subsequently use dlsym to obtain symbols from it. dlsym is extremely weakly typed; it takes a symbol name and returns a void*. It’s up to the user to cast this to a concrete function type. If the function type changes because of a version update, the result can very likely be some sort of segmentation fault or even memory corruption.</p><p id="80a8">Since Golang relies on shared libraries from plugins, it has the same inherent safety issues. It tries to protect programmers from shooting themselves in the foot by ensuring that the application has been built with the same versions of packages as all its plugins. This helps avoid mismatch. In addition, the version of the Golang compiler used to build the application and plugins must match exactly.</p><p id="74b9">However, this protection comes with downsides — making developing plugins somewhat cumbersome. Having to rebuild all plugins whenever any common packages change — even in ways that don’t affect the plugin interface — is a heavy burden. Especially, considering that by their very nature plugins are typically developed separately from the main application; they may live in separate repositories, have separate release cadences etc.</p><h1 id="bfc1">Alternative approaches to shared library plugins in Golang</h1><p id="c642">Given that the plugin package was only added to Go in <a href="https://golang.org/doc/go1.8">version 1.8</a> and the limitation described previously, it’s not surprising that the Go ecosystem saw the emergence of alternative plugin approaches.</p><p id="87e5">One of the innovative approaches involves plugins via RPC. In this method instead of loading the plugins into the host process we load them in a separate process which then communicates to host via RPC or just TCP on localhost. It has several important upsides:</p><ul><li>Isolation: crash in a plugin does not bring the whole application down.</li><li>Interoperability between languages: if RPC is the interface, do you care what language the plugin is written in?</li><li>Distribution: if plugins interface via the network, we can easily distribute them to run on different machines for gains in performance, reliability, and so on.</li></ul><p id="f78c">Moreover, Golang makes this particularly easy by having a fairly capable RPC package right in the standard library: net/rpc.</p><p id="4495">One of the most widely used RPC-based plugin systems is <a href="https://github.com/hashicorp/go-plugin">hashicorp/go-plugin</a>. Hashicorp is well known for creating great Golang software, and apparently, they use go-plugin for many of their systems, so it’s battle-tested (though its documentation could be better 😛)</p><p id="1a23">Golang-plugin runs on top of net/rpc but also supports gRPC. Advanced RPC protocols like gRPC are well suitable for plugins because they include versioning out-of-the-box, tackling the difficult interoperability problem between different versions of plugins vs. the main application.</p><p id="c8a4">However, this is also<b> not a perfect solution </b>as we talk about the fourth fundamental of plugin systems- “<b>Extension APIs</b>”. In a complex system, a plugin might make lot of Extension APIs calls which will end up increasing the latency if we are making network calls via RPC or TCP.</p><h1 id="1c76">Conclusion</h1><p id="03fb">Golang still has a long way to go when it comes to Dynamic-linking (shared library plugins). No solution discussed in this blog can be considered perfect. One needs to consider the pros and cons of each solution available as per their specific requirements.</p></article></body>

LET GO AND LET GOD…AND THEN WHAT? — 10 DAYS SELF LOVE ACTIVITIES

Photo source: paul-gilmore-Vs_zkj1sEHc-unsplash

For 10 days I invite you to LET GO AND LET GOD…AND THEN WHAT. HOW? 10 days of self-help activities, your own inner healing, be motivational, and inspirational — ALL FOR SELF — YOU. These 10 days are suitable for all ages, genres, and professions.

Through the sharing of personal experiences with me, and the incorporation of a fictitious story about a cat called Delilah, her surroundings, and life, you are encouraged to open you eyes to your world, look forward with a positive attitude, and embark on a journey of self-discovery.

From the moment we are ‘aware’ we absorb the information around us via other people. We learn, to discover things about our world and environment, listen to the expectations and limitations others put on us.

Now, through this enlightening story (10 days — with daily activities for 10 days) you each have the tools you need to unlock your dreams, reach your full potential, and then grow, taking one day at a time to discover the real you. So you begin with these 10 day — — but I encourage you to go on with these activities for as long YOU feel you need.

You will learn how to unburdening yourselves of the concepts and restraints of others, and truly become who you want to be.

From a very early age I knew I had a strong affinity with the spirit world and animals. My work has enabled me to recognise these gifts and my strength of character has led me to write this story and activities. In fact I wrote and published my first novel, How I Became a Dragon inspired by my experiences whilst working in the Republic of Congo as Project Director for the Wildlife Conservation Society (WCS) in the Sangha Tri-National landscape. I felt inspired to write this story How I Became a Dragon…one of my many manifestations from acting on Inspired Guidance.

However, I point out, if you are searching for God and enlightenment in this story of Let Go and Let God…And The What in the next 10 days it is not hidden in this story.

The purpose of this story and 10 days activities is to, through telling my story, and talking about poignant moments in my life, which have opened my eyes to my true self, I hope to inspire you to do the same.

To aid in this, the 10 days focus on life experiences and at the end of each day there is the opportunity for you to express your thoughts and experiences on each topic. Each activity day eventually combined to reveal their own unique journey.

However, I’m keen to point out, our journey does not end here, because life is a continual adventure and the quest to discover new things about ourselves is constantly evolving each and every day.

In Conclusion: This story and 10 days activities contains the key to opening your own mind into the possibilities which await you. Within, I share with you tools require to move forward positively, with true self-belief, and the knowledge that they are 100% in control.

DAY 1…AND THEN NOTHING

And then nothing … that is correct. You are reading this just as it is written. Or you can decide to read this and acknowledge your first gut feeling. What was it? Do you know? Or did you decide to skip over your initial feeling and dismiss it? There is no right or wrong answer. It’s just a question and it’s you who is asking it. Before you begin your quest for this great inner peace you seek by reading this book, be assured that reading this book will not bring you to that great place of enlightenment that many of you are seeking. When that great place of enlightenment is presented to you, I am one hundred percent certain (and also speaking from experience) that most of you have responded by ignoring it and poo-pooing it. I am not telling you anything new or shocking. When enlightenment lands on your lap, it gets poo-pooed all over with questions, suppositions, assumptions, and whatever else you do to it when it’s right under your nose. So please stop right here and forget what you think you hope to learn from reading this book. Your search for God and enlightenment is not hidden in these pages, I promise. The purpose of writing this book is to tell you a story and that is it. Nothing more and nothing less. The story goes like this.

Once upon a time there lived a small cat. Delilah was a calico. She loved roaming the rose field. The rose field stretched far and wide on the edge of her tiny village of Farr. Farr had a population of four people and seventeen cats plus Delilah. That was it. No one else and no other animals lived in Farr. Each human lived in his or her own house. Each cat lived in his or her own house. Delilah lived in the yellow house at the end of Only Street. It was the only street in Farr.

Now let’s get back to let go and let God — and then what? And then nothing.

Did Delilah and her tiny village of Farr capture your curiosity? Are you intrigued by this story? Do you want to know more from this story? It’s a short and simple beginning. You only now just read it, and have you never heard of Delilah and her village before? I am equally intrigued and curious as to what comes next. Maybe the story will reveal itself to us as we take this journey together of letting go and letting God, and then what?

Let us begin with what you know. The cat’s name is Delilah. We know this because the creator of this story told us her name. You also know the cat lives in the tiny village of Farr. You know this the same way you came to know the cat’s name. And you know the cat lives in the yellow house at the end of Only Street.

As I was saying, and then what? Ask yourself this question. What drew you to this book? Why are you determined to read it to the end? What do you believe you will read in these pages that you don’t already know, except for what happens next with Delilah?

I too wondered a great deal about this question of And then what? I often heard the expression let go and let God. I had moments in my life when I felt I knew what it meant and actually did let go and let God. And then many wonderful things happened in my life. I got what I asked for. Then I let go and let god again. And then I didn’t get what I asked for. Then comes the question — and then what? Or the question of And then what? popped up in my head before letting go and letting God.

When I didn’t get what I wanted I assumed it was because it wasn’t meant to be. It wasn’t the right timing. It wasn’t happening for many different reasons I had come up with in my own mind. It was a very sensible and rational justification for my disappointment. But did I ever ask myself the question — was I ready to receive it?

Was I ready to let go and let God and allow myself to receive it? Or did I block it from coming? Or did I not even see it? Those questions had never crossed my mind until very recently. Actually, they were not part of my thinking to myself until a few weeks before I started creating this book. It was very much an aha moment; an awakening that now seems obvious. Of course — why had I never thought of this before? Instead, I went from excuses to justifications for why I didn’t get what I wanted when I wanted it. It sounds all too obvious now to consider the one and only thing that it was I who had blocked what I had asked for. How well-prepared was I to receiving anything and everything I had asked for? Did I truly know what I wanted in the first place? And how well-prepared was I to even know the difference?

I had never really questioned my role or my participation in all of this in the creation of my own life — my own reality. But what I did know for sure was that God helps those who help themselves. Again, until not long ago I held very different beliefs of what that meant as well. But my beliefs did serve me well and I did and could see how God helped me. I could see it and experience it in all the little things that happened in my life. Even when I thought I really wanted something, like a job, for example, and I didn’t get it. This no doubt landed in my mind as a disappointed. I can say with absolute joy now for those jobs I didn’t get — thank you! I said to God, thank you for having my back when I thought I knew better.

A couple months before writing this book, I chatted with my friend Kath who took a job I thought would be offered to me. Kath had turned down this position because she had extended her existing contract. I was recommended for the position. I travelled to the country of Georgia. I met everyone. Every day the consultant assured me that this job was mine. I reviewed the contract and signed. Then the consultant told me the client had requested a back-up person for interview in case I didn’t accept the position. I had not met this person or crossed paths with her until we were checking in at the airport. The moment I shook hands with this person I knew they had offered her the position. I didn’t learn of this official decision until twelve hours later. Despite the red flags flashing in front of my face during my stay in Georgia, I was resistant to the decision I had to make for myself. Everything said not to take this job. I was desperate and I was going to take it knowing full well it would be a nightmare.

Not getting the job led to a great deal of self-doubt, frustration, and financial stress. I continued my search for a job. Then I got a call for another job. I flew to London. It was a great interview. But I still had red flags show up. I was assured again that this job was mine. I was assured that by the time I got home an email would be waiting in my inbox to finalize the offer. I waited a week — nothing! No call. No email. I reached out to the company, and they said the person who they thought wanted to resign from the position decided to stay. I was furious.

I continued my search. Then — success! I got a job offer I was actually excited about and keen on doing. No red flags. I got the job. After six months the company sought to hire a new manager for a department I would be working very closely with. I contacted my friend Kath who initially refused the job in Georgia.

When I reached out to Kath, she informed me she had completed her contract. She was now one year in on the Georgia job. The woman they hired instead of me couldn’t do the job. I was sorry to hear that. I had sensed and seen the challenges of this position. And it turned out that Kath was keen on taking the job. But she also told me I had a dodged a bullet.

After listening to her story, I was beyond joy that I had not walked into that mess. But what I did learn since then about the question of And then what? — how I am one hundred percent responsible and accountable for my feelings in what I decide they are and how I decide what my experience will be — is all up to me. No exceptions. No excuses. However, what was ironic was discovering that the behaviours, choices, and feelings I allowed outside forces to control travelled with me everywhere I went. So the same nonsense I was told I dodged by not getting the job in Georgia wasn’t the point at all just because I had brought myself to another job. What Kath experienced in her job, I was experiencing in my current job. So in actuality, I had not dodged any bullet until I learned that my thoughts — what I think every moment of my life — creates my reality. No exception to this either.

Overall, my life was a pretty unhappy existence until I came to understand this, to know this, to experience this. This magical moment started when I was in the Charles-de-Gaule airport lounge. Well, let’s not get too dramatic. It wasn’t all the time that I was living a pretty unhappy existence, but it was a lot — too much of the time.

I had a few hours before my connecting flight to West Africa where I worked. I received a ding on my WhatsApp from my friend Christina. She had sent me a YouTube link to Wayne Dyer. I settled into a quiet area of the lounge to watch the video link. I ate my lunch and sipped champagne. This wasn’t one of those unhappy moments … I was just at rest, living in the moment. I sat facing the window.

I watched the planes land and take off. I watched the short video. It was about being grateful that you didn’t always get what you asked for in life. Ding! Ding! Ding!

Until that moment, I had never been grateful for what I didn’t have. I had been grateful for what I had. Of course I can say ‘thank goodness I didn’t get this or that’ on occasion. I said this when, in fact, it didn’t really matter or I didn’t pay too much attention to any of it. I only felt upset and unaware of the gift of not getting what I wanted when I was frightened of being unemployed, when I was running from something instead of being focused on where I wanted to go, and head in that direction. Essentially, this no ‘gratitude’ for what I didn’t get came from a place where I just didn’t honour myself or trust my gut feeling. I felt way off the mark of being aligned with my highest self.

Before that day at the Paris airport, I had read many ‘self-help’ or ‘inspirational’ books throughout my adult life. Each time I learned something new and experienced growth. There was no doubt about that. But after listening to the link Christina had sent me, I continued listening to more and more of Wayne Dyer’s YouTube videos. I completely immersed myself in his teachings. Every moment I wasn’t working, I put my headphones in my ears and listened. I watched videos as soon as I woke up, when I ate, when I was at the gym, after work, up to when it was time to head to bed. Then, I started all over again the next day. I can say with absolute certainty that this saved my life!

The Wayne Dyer YouTube links directed me to Esther Hicks, also known as Abraham Hicks, author of Law of Attraction and many other great books. I downloaded everything I could find. I immersed myself in Abraham’s teachings. It too was life changing. It was and still is an exciting journey. It’s one that will never end.

Around this same time, my friend Aranka told me about audible.ca. I had never thought of listening to audio books. But I followed my gut feeling. I applied what I was learning. I was trusting. I purchased various audio books authored by Wayne Dyer and Abraham Hicks. I immersed myself in these books every single day. Since then, there has been a great revolutionary change in my heart, my body and my soul. I am not the same person that I was before I decided to make the changes I wanted in my life. And I have been enjoying the ‘what I asked for’, the experiences I want to live — big or small, and I am still attracting wonderful experiences in my life.

So, what does it mean to Let Go and Let God? What the heck do you do with that? Do you do nothing? Do you sit back in your lazy boy chair playing with the TV remote control and wait? Do you … bla bla bla … on and on, the questions swirl around in your head like a tornado.

Why is Delilah roaming the rose field? You can create your own reasons as to why Delilah is roaming the rose field. You can come up with all the answers you want, but you will never know why. You will never know why until the creator of this story tells you why Delilah is roaming the rose field. But you are free to create your own reasons, your own story as to why Delilah is doing so.

Delilah’s life can take many different turns depending on the story you decide to create for her. She can have a happy life or a sad life or a boring life or a “whatever” life. Does it matter? If it doesn’t matter, why not? If it does matter, why does it matter? What difference does it make? And why does it make a difference? Who and what decides what kind of a life Delilah experiences? Who cares? What kind of life can Delilah have in a tiny village of four people, eighteen cats and one street, anyway?

And then what? That is what you want to know. This question has lead me to much confusion and frustration and anger. It has led me to think “what the f … .k?????” Exactly that! Over and over again. How does this all work? What am I supposed to be doing? This real story started not so long ago when I jumped into this human body, this female human body. Just like you, I squeezed my way out of my mother’s womb. Just like you, I have a father. Just like you, life happened. Or did it? Does it? What happens?

Despite my different experiences and adventures in my life as this human female, I doubt I am much different from you, and you are just as much different from me. How different can we be? How similar are we? Is it our contrast that makes it interesting to get to know one another? Or to ignore one another? Or to hate one another? Or to kill one another?

I cannot imagine there being too much contrast in Farr with only four people, eighteen cats and one street. They either get along like a house on fire, or cannot stand the sight of one another. This may be why Delilah is roaming the rose field. Who knows? I am just making this up as I go along this journey with you.

And then what? That is the question. Is it not? I have very few memories of my childhood. I have no memories of me laughing or playing or any real exciting childhood memories. I do have some photos of my childhood. I am sad in all of them. I am angry in most of them. And I am stupid most of the time. Whose fault is that? Yeah, whose fault is that?

I think I need to say that again and louder! WHOSE FAULT IS THAT?!!!!!! Yes, I am emphasizing my question with multiple exclamation marks. That is a sure way to get an answer. Is it not? Again, what the f … .? Someone has to take the blame for this! I carried this shit with me my entire life! Until … and then what? Which didn’t come to me immediately. Like I said, in case I didn’t make myself clear the first time. I CARRIED THIS SHIT WITH ME MY ENTIRE LIFE!

Does the capital letter emphasize my dissatisfaction with all of this? I just want to be certain that I am very clear on this point. As I am sure that you have made yourself extremely clear with your dissatisfaction of your childhood pain and suffering, and that, with absolutely no doubt, this must be someone else’s fault. That it’s someone else’s fault that you carry this pile of faults on your shoulders every moment of your life. With every breath you take, the load of fault presses down ever so heavily on your shoulders, to the point where each of the vertebrae in your spine crash down against one another. Then you have a sore neck, sore back, and on and on … But that is because it’s someone else’s fault. And then what?

Let’s go back to Delilah and the tiny village of Farr.

Delilah roamed the rose field. It was a beautiful cool autumn morning. The sky was blue. The sun shined bright. The tree branches shined bright with orange, red, yellow and brown leaves. The trees wrapped around the village, along the edges of the rose field. Two large trees stood tall on either side of the rose field. The branches braided together creating a vibrant arch of leaves. The braided archway was the only way in and out of the rose field.

Now, you may be asking yourself ‘how can there be a rose field in autumn?’. My answer to this question — It’s my story and I can create it any way I decide. Why not have a rose field in autumn? Whether the rose bushes have produced flowers or are dormant and waiting for spring and summer, it’s still a rose field, unless someone decides to cut down and remove all of the rose bushes to create something completely new and different instead of this rose field, like a concrete shopping mall, for example. The latter can be useful. It all depends on who is creating the story.

But truly, I should not have to explain or justify the creation of my story to you or anyone. And that goes for you as well. Before you learned it was autumn in the story, did you even ask yourself if the rose field had roses or not? Did you just know that there were roses ready to be plucked from their bushes and ready to be bundled up into a bouquet? Since the scene was set in a rose field, you probably assumed that the season was between April and September. That is an easy and sensible assumption to make. Or maybe you made no assumptions and just saw Delilah in the rose field. Again, there is not right or wrong answer. It’s not a question. But ask yourself this question. Which of these two make you feel ‘good’. To make an assumption with a great possibility of a false outcome, one that is not even close to what you conjured up in your head? Or, does it make you feel better to trust your gut about what you first felt? Whatever that was for you.

As I said, it was a beautiful autumn sunny morning. Delilah licked the dew off the grass. She walked along the edge of the field, looking at the centre of the field. The edge of the rose field was as far as she ever roamed. She always looked out at the centre of the field where a small pond glittered in the sunlight. Leaves floated in the water. Her yellow house at the end of Only Street was also on the outskirt of the village. It was very convenient and very comfortable for Delilah to live on the outskirt of the village because it was close to the edge of the gate that led to the rose field.

I remember many years ago, I had asked God for wisdom. I wish I could say the years that followed were the most blissful and enlightening years of my life. Not even close. Without even knowing it, I had become an explorer of my soul: of my true self. And after many years of exploring ‘wisdom’, I wasn’t any closer to finding it or being wiser. So, if I were to grade myself as to whether I was a great explorer or a pretty poor explorer — the result would be a pretty poor explorer. But it was still not until some years later that I discovered this to be the incorrect answer. How could I not have been a great explorer? I asked a question and received an answer. I jumped right in. My feet were firmly planted on the edge of the precipice. Without hesitation, I jumped.

I had no idea what it meant to be wise when I asked God for wisdom. When I asked the question, I wasn’t even in a place of Letting Go and Letting God. The question … and then what … wasn’t even in my thoughts. I just asked. Life happened. Life presented me with many roads to walk on. Life presented me with many people to bring into my life. Did I always make the choice that made me feel good? Many times yes, but many times, no. But each time I felt good with my decision, it was because I trusted my gut feeling. When I went against my gut feeling, I’m sure you know how I felt. Not good. But did it stop me from ignoring and going against my instincts? Nope.

Going against my better judgment kept me on the edge of the rose field. I could see in but didn’t dare to walk in. I was stupid, remember? You learned this ‘fact’ earlier in the story. I was told I was stupid and I was treated as being stupid starting way back in kindergarten. My kindergarten teacher told my mother that I was a retarded child. That is how they labeled us back then.

My mother asked why she had assessed me as a retarded child. “Because she is quiet. She doesn’t talk. She doesn’t answer me when I ask her to do something. She spends her day by herself, playing by herself.” replied the teacher.

“Suzanne has always been quiet and has always kept to herself.” replied my mother. “When you ask her to do something, do you say please?”

I believe this ended that conversation and it was the last time the teacher ever made that comment about me again.

However, this mental assessment of my worth in this society didn’t end there. I went from being retarded to being stupid. But don’t feel sad or bad for me. I believed it. So it was true. I thought it, and I made it come true. You are what you think. Is this not true? This was way before the journey to wisdom even started. I was so far from the start line. Well, at least I thought I was. But in actuality, I only know now that I was always at the start line.

Being at the start line of my life towards Let Go and Let God was right there, staring me in the face. At that tender age of 3, 4 or 5, I knew exactly what I was doing. I made the choice to get what I thought I needed from my parents, knowing full well that I would never get it. I had no idea then that it was all up to me to decide how I wanted to feel. Who the heck knows this at the age of 3, 4 or 5? But my heart did know exactly what was for my highest good then as it does now. But going to God for this wasn’t in my hemisphere.

I recall the human memory of God and of Jesus on the cross and all that. Yes, I grew up Catholic. I remember being told that if I was good, I would receive roses and go to heaven. If I was bad, you guessed correctly … no roses and no heaven. There was a whole lot of nonsense like that. But it never took me away from God. I knew exactly who God was, and it wasn’t what I was being taught that offended me. I kept little secrets to myself about who God really was for me and to me. However, even this knowledge didn’t stop me from making a s..t load of bad choices that I cannot help but wonder how different my life would be today. But my choices are my choices, and they are what has brought me here today with you. And I can say, it’s a pretty awesome ‘right here and now’!

Let Go and Let God, and then what? … and then nothing! So what do you expect from this God of yours? What do you really know about your God? Maybe this could be a good place to start finding out … and then what? Maybe it’s a whole lot of nothing. Or maybe it’s a whole lot of ‘wow’. Subtle as … and then what … may be, decide for yourself what the option of not discovering … and then what? and then nothing can be the most amazing ‘nothing’ of your life. It does mean that you need to get your butt off the lazy boy chair and stop playing with the TV remote control, and get out there in Life and BE. Can you BE?

By the way, there is no ‘I hope for’, ‘I want … whatever’, ‘I pray for … ‘ … anything that you wish for. Either you know … and then what, or you don’t. If you don’t, ask the question. And … either you know it’s done … you can see the outcome because as they say, if you can dream it, you can make it happen! No exception.

I invite you to read as many books as you can on the law of attraction, and the likes, and all that stuff. Figure it out! Go for it, head first. Zero hesitation, because either you want your life to change or you don’t. And before you start scrambling around in your head for all of those excuses, stop! I am certain they are all wonderful and amazing stories. How are they working for you?

And for all of you who made the decision to be parents, whether it was planned or not, we know you love your children and you would do anything for them. We know you would even throw yourself on the sword for them. Sacrifice your life. Sacrifice your dreams and all that. You can stop right there as well! Stop using your children to justify the decisions you made. Don’t throw them into this mess of self-indulgence of story telling. They don’t make for good bedtime stories, and they make for even less of a good daytime story.

Imagine you are sitting with your children during story time. You gather them in front of you. Next to your reading chair, you pull out from your stack of children books Mommy or Daddy and their sad stories. Why I feel sorry for myself and why the world owes me … Something like that as a title. You get the picture. Now … would you allow anyone to read this book to your children during reading time at home or at school? I don’t think so! So, please cut this out and pay attention to how you think, get back into that gut feeling of yours and be aware of your thoughts — before you open your mouth.

Let Go and Let God … and then what? and then nothing other than being who you are … Attract in your life who you are — your BEING, instead of What you want. Can you feel the difference? Say this out loud to yourself … Feel it. FEEL it come to you by aligning yourself, YOUR FEELINGS to your vision, your desire, to you! Let it flow and set the course for … ALLOWING IT TO FLOW TO YOU.

We have all heard this saying — Get out of your own way. All that negative thinking about yourself … I’m too old, I have no money, Being an actor is a tough business — I won’t make it — I won’t make a living at this, I won’t make a living at being a painter, a singer, an artist of any form, I don’t have the education, I’m not smart enough, I have children, I’m too old to change my career, I’m still in trauma from my childhood abuse, on and on and on. They are all great stories. Great excuses. I promise you that the moment you make the decision to make the change in your life that you want, that you desire, that you know is bringing you back to your true self … it will happen fast, at the speed of light, with ease and with joy. You will set the wheels in motion for a never-ending story of what is to come and will keep flowing in your life. Or you can continue believing your current story … and then nothing.

… and then what? BEING! We have all heard: If you want respect — then be respect. If you want love, then be love. If you want. … whatever, be … BE first what you want to attract in your life. I wanted kindness so I became kindness. I am kindness. I am being kindness. It still takes practice, but I am DOING IT. I am BEING IT — even when I stumble and fall. I pick myself back up and start all over again.

You get the picture. … and then what? is only in the now. You will not and will never go back and change all that stuff that brings you to a place of blame, fault and anger from your past life experiences. It’s only right here and now where the … and then what? is activated in your immediate sphere. Where you stand in the present moment. Even five minutes ago is no longer in your sphere. But what propels that sphere of here and now, is the here and now. Your decision to be ‘real’, ‘truthful’ and ‘accountable’ for your right here and right now.

I would love to meet those who can change the past and those who can predict the failures of their future. The illusion of focusing on what was and what will be because of your past is just that. An illusion! Your future is only in the here and now. You either hesitate on the edge of the rose field or you look at the beautiful sparkling pond in the middle of the field and head in its direction.

While Delilah roamed along the edge of the rose field, a small red caterpillar crawled out onto a rose bush branch. Delilah stopped in her tracks. She had never seen anything like it before. She had never seen anything other than the four humans and the other seventeen cats in Farr.

The caterpillar crawled out further along the rose bush branch, until it reached the tip of that branch. Delilah watched closely. Her ears stood straight up. Her eyes looked straight ahead, big and wide. The caterpillar crawled along the branch, paying no attention to Delilah. It continued to crawl around the tip of the branch until it tipped over. The caterpillar dangled upside down from the underside of the branch. Delilah rushed towards the caterpillar. She put her nose beneath the caterpillar to stop it from falling to the ground. The caterpillar fell onto the tip of Delilah’s nose. Delilah’s eyes moved towards one another. Cross-eyed, she now saw two caterpillars. The closer the caterpillar crawled up along her nose towards her eyes, the more difficult it became for Delilah to see it. She slowly rubbed her nose up against the rose bush. She rubbed her nose from left to right along the branch, until the caterpillar found its way back onto the branch. Delilah stepped aside when the caterpillar was safely on the branch.

Delilah watched the caterpillar crawl around the rose bush branch. After showing no sign of falling off the branch again Delilah meowed quietly in the hopes of getting the caterpillar’s attention. She meowed a few times. The caterpillar continued doing what a caterpillar does, focusing ahead along the branch. But Delilah had no idea what she was looking at or what a caterpillar usually does. She tried again and again to get the caterpillar to pay attention to her. She walked to the other side of the rose bush. Her nose nudged the branch causing it to shake. The caterpillar stopped crawling and remained still.

Delilah was running out of ideas on how to get the caterpillar to pay attention to her. She had so many questions for this fuzzy, worm-like insect that continued to crawl and go about its business, while paying zero attention to her. Delilah jumped up and down. She ran around the rose bush. Discouraged, she stretched on the grass and gave up her futile attempt at getting any attention from this mysterious creature.

Delilah stretched out on her belly. She turned over onto her back with her legs up in the air. She stared up at the branch. She studied the caterpillar wiggle around the branch.

The morning dew evaporated from the grass. The sun rose a little higher in the sky. Delilah was thinking about what she would have for lunch later on. She rolled onto her side and yawned a few times. Her eyes closed and opened and closed again. Just as she was about to fall asleep, the caterpillar dropped down onto her nose.

DAY 1 ACTIVITIES

Photo source: paul-gilmore-Vs_zkj1sEHc-unsplash

1. Write your Delilah story. What do you see happening from here? What does Farr look like to you? Create your own story.

2. Write what Let go and let God … and then what means to you before reading any further. I invite you to learn as much about yourself from the few pages you have read up to this point.

DAY 2…AND THEN WHAT YOU KNOW

And then what you know. What is that? What is it that you know? What do you believe that you know for certain? The Earth rotates around the sun: things like that? What if we learn one day that it doesn’t ‘just’ rotate around the sun. That what goes up must come down … gravity is much more than what we know. What do we know about energy, the stuff that vibrates around us that we cannot see with the human eye? All the stuff we cannot see with the human eye. What about the stuff we feel around us we cannot see with the human eye? What is that? When the hair at the back of your neck stands up. Why does this happen? You haven’t seen anything yet. But you feel something. You know something.

How does what you know get you into your sphere? How does it get you closer to your highest self? How do you get from here to there with knowing just about nothing? How do you feel when you discover that you have really no knowledge about anything? How do you feel when you discover that when you learn that what you believed to be ‘your truth’, ‘the truth’ about whatever is was you believed in, or were taught to believe, is no longer the case?

What is the difference between what you know to be the ‘truth’ and what you know to be ‘untrue’? Does it matter? Does it matter to know what is truth and what isn’t? Where do you decide to cross the line about what matters to you? Where do you cross the line about what you decide is worthy of your attention?

I decided a long time ago what I would give my attention to. Without knowing it, I knew what I knew. I had lived a life with others. I believed others knew as well. I believed my parents, my teachers, my friends, everyone around me could see and hear what I was seeing and hearing. I had no idea they didn’t see and hear what I was seeing and hearing. I was living with the ‘others’ those that many don’t see or hear. Who were they? Where did they come from? How did they find me? How come I could see and hear them but others didn’t?

I was 18 years old. I lived in Lachute, Quebec. I was there for three months. Lachute is a town in southwest Quebec, 62 kilometers northwest of Montreal, on the Rivière du Nord, a tributary of the Ottawa River. It was my first three months of Katimavik. Katimavik was and still is as I write this book, a registered charity that educates young Canadian through volunteer work, and provides opportunities to participate in intensive volunteer work for periods of 9 months. Nowadays, the duration is of 6 months. Should you ever be interested in becoming a Katimavik participant, go to https://katimavik.org/en/. The word ‘Katimavik’ originates from the Inuktitut language, and it means ‘meeting place’.

I was nearing the end of grade 12. Yes, I graduated despite the fact that I was stupid and that the school counsellor had encouraged me to not think of my future; to not even think of going to university or do anything outstanding with my life. I sat quietly on the chair, strategically positioned on the side of her desk, listening to her every word. My highest self told me this wasn’t true. But I wasn’t entirely in my sphere then. I didn’t know it existed. I didn’t know my highest self existed. I just knew she was right. But how could I be different and do otherwise? How could I make this not true? To this day I still struggle with how do I make this not true?

My clearest recollection of being connected to my highest self began around that time. I received visions of where I would be travelling. I saw places and names of places. It was a quick flash. I felt it and I saw it. I never had dreams or desires of anything else other than being in the jungle with animals. I watched all of the animal documentaries shown on TV. I watched all of the Jane Goodall and the Dian Fossey documentaries. My father turned the basement into a movie theatre. The basement wall was painted white and I would project the reels of films he had gotten from somewhere. The films I think were from Ducks Unlimited Canada. I watched reels and reels of waterfowl and other wonderful things about nature.

My love for animals and nature was what I knew best. I felt a strong connection to the natural world. I loved listening to the sounds of whales on the floppy records I got from somewhere. I also loved listening to opera music. I felt my passion. What I felt was what I knew. However, I didn’t then connect my visions to my reality, to my ability to create, my ability to know what I knew. It just was. Back then, I didn’t poo all over it with all sorts of questions and nonsense. But I was still stupid. That I believed. I believed everything was possible for everyone else but myself. I believed that achieving great things was only possible for others and not me.

I was awkward and uncomfortable in all settings. The only place I wasn’t awkward and uncomfortable was with nature and with animals and with the ‘others’. Who were the ‘others’? The ‘others’ were all those spirits and those who had died. Who was speaking to me? Who was I speaking to? Who was showing me these visions? Who was showing me the way to here and there? Why did I not listen to them all the time? How different would my life be if I had listened to, and followed, my highest self? We have all done this to ourselves. We punish ourselves for what we believe we did wrong instead of what we did right. It’s only now I can say there was no right and there was no wrong. There was just what was. I — like you — made a choice. I made a decision, knowing deep down what I was doing all along. Now … we look ahead and move forward … no matter what you know your ‘wrong’ to be.

Who were these ‘others’? Those others were my guides, my God, spirits of those who have moved on from this world to the next. As I said earlier, I was 18 when I realized I was with the ‘others’. I was in bed in our Katimavik house in Lachute. I dreamt that my cousin Bruno was calling me to come towards him. He wore a white gown. He stood in front of me. With both hands he asked me to come closer. I stood quietly before him. That morning I received a call from my mother. Bruno had died. He was my first, as far as I can recall. Since then, the dead have come to me many times. I was once told that I was a soul collector. The dead love me for some reason. I see them as clear as day. I hear them all the time. I often have to ask them to talk one at a time.

Connecting and being open to receiving this wonderful gift from the spirit world is one that I could never live without. I understood right after my visions from earlier on. I had come to understand what I was feeling when I was with others. I could see the ‘people’ — their truth, their lies, everything about them … and that would get me into trouble because I didn’t keep these things to myself. I would say what I felt and saw. Others were not ready to be spoken back to by a child or someone who was stupid.

In my early twenties I attended a psychic fair in Toronto. I met a woman around my age. I asked her ‘how did she know she could do this?”

“I thought everyone was like this.” replied the woman. I thought the same thing. We talked for a short while about our gift and how we feel our way through life with this. It wasn’t an easy journey until we learned to harness our gift and accept it for what it is.

I was standing in the hallway at the front of the door of the house. I was still in grade 12. I received a flash, a message that I would be going to Vancouver, British Columbia. I didn’t pay it any more attention. I went on with my day. Before the end of grade 12, I received a letter that I had been accepted into the Katimavik program. Back then, the program went on for nine months. You lived and workd in one place for three months. My three locations were Lachute (Quebec), Esquimalt (British Columbia), and Mississauga (Ontario).

Katimavik offered a military option. I chose one of the three months in the military. I had received a vision of being in British Columbia. I didn’t connect this vision with the military option.

Since then, my visions have grown to be clearer and stronger. I can share many stories with you. But the point is this … I have this gift. I received visions of many places that I have travelled to. This was how it all started. My gift to connect with the dead grew as well. I listened to them. They listen to me. We talked. They guided. I don’t always listen. I still fall out of my sphere. But I get back into it.

So Let go and let God … and then what? And then there is what you know. I know that, as a Soul Collector, I have allowed myself to receive. I have been given many names — a channeler, a medium, an Indigo child, and a psychic. But it’s all about receiving. I can stop this anytime I choose to. But I allow myself to receive when I want to learn and grow. I love this part of myself. I love having such a gift. But it doesn’t make me a know-it-all. I know what I know. I answer people who ask me for a ‘psychic reading’. I see my connection with those around me. I feel my connection with those around me.

Yes, I still fall out of my sphere. I consciously step into poo when I doubt everything I know. When I doubt everything that has been shown and proven to me over and over again. I am certain you can say the same. What more do we need to believe that God is on our side? What more do we need to know that God and Life are working for us and not against us? What else do we need to know?

Delilah had wondered the same thing. What else did she need or want to know about this mysterious creature that paid her no attention and who had now dropped on the tip of her nose. Delilah didn’t flinch a muscle. Her eyes focused on the bridge of her nose. Now there were two caterpillars. Then there was one again.

The caterpillar wiggled around, climbing up to Delilah’s forehead. The caterpillar tickled Delilah . It wiggled up to the top of her head, in between her ears. Then it wiggled back down the back of her neck. It continued along her back. Delilah flinched. Her fur twitched back and forth. She looked back at the caterpillar. The caterpillar remained still. Delilah didn’t flinch. She lay on the grass waiting for the caterpillar to do something. Nothing happened. She waited. Still nothing. Her stomach began to rumble. It was getting close to lunchtime.

Delilah laid her head on the grass, watching the caterpillar resting on her fur. There was nothing to do but wait. Wait for the caterpillar to move again. Where would it go? What would it do? What was this creature? Delilah wasn’t certain if any of her questions would receive an answer.

Then, the caterpillar moved again. It crawled up along her tail, right to the tip, where it stopped. Delilah stood up on all fours very slowly. Her tail raised high, she shuffled gently closer to the rose bush. With a light touch, she nudged her tail up against a rose pedal. She tapped the tip of her tail against the rose. The rose was then lowered, exposing the base of its stem. It was there that the caterpillar disembarked and continued its journey into the rose bush.

Delilah watched with amazement. She watched how the caterpillar crawled. She watched how it ate the leaves. She watched how it did everything. It was time for lunch.

Delilah ran to her yellow house at the end of Only Street. On the stove was a pot of fish stew. She had prepared the fish stew earlier that morning, right before going to the rose field. She scooped a spoon full of fish stew into her bowl. Just as she was about to eat, there was a knock at the door. Delilah was hungry. The smell of the fish stew drifted up her nose. She lapped up a bit of the stew before answering the knock at the door.

She looked through the cat door. The orange flap swung back and forth. Her eyes looked at old Mrs. Gaga’s wrinkled stockings around her ankles. She listened to the tapping of her red shoes against the blue stone walkway.

Mrs. Gaga was the oldest of the four humans who lived in the tiny village of Farr. She lived in the puny orange house at the other end of Only Street. Mrs. Gaga knew everything about every cat and every human in Farr. She had a special gift where she could see what was going to happen before it did. What could possibly happen in a tiny village like Farr where there were only four humans and 18 cats? One could not easily predict what every human and every cat would do as they went about their daily routine.

Where is the mystery you ask?

Where is there not any mystery? Where is there not any mystery in your everyday life? Is it possible that the best part of your day consists of what you don’t know? As the worst part of your life? Or both?

You don’t need to pick one or the other, or any at all. You don’t have to agree or see this the way I do either. It’s up to you how to journey through this book. It’s up to you how to write your story, what you want to see next in Delilah’s story. Does she open the door? Does she hide from Mrs. Gaga? What does she decide to do? What does she really want to do?

Is wanting to do something the same as deciding to do it? Do we decide to do something because it’s aligned with our highest self? If you decide this … then your experience results in a good feeling. If you decide to do something because you want to do it and it’s not aligned with your highest self … then your experience results in a feeling that isn’t good. Or is this logical? Does this way of thinking take you away from the logical process we have been taught by our parents, our peers, and society? Do we have to be logical and pragmatic to get from A to B? Is this the way? Or do we follow our gut feeling? Do we know that our gut feeling will never steer us in a direction away from our highest self?

The tapping against the blue stone walkway stopped. Delilah looked through the orange flap. Her eyes locked with Mrs. Gaga’s eyes. There she was bent over like a question mark staring at the orange flap. Delilah stepped back quietly. “Why was Mrs. Gaga at her door during lunchtime?” she wondered. Mrs. Gaga only came out of her house at sunrise and at sunset. She never ventured out of her house at any other time, especially midday when the cats and other humans sat down for lunch.

Delilah looked over at her bowl of fish stew. The hot steam had vanished. The stew was getting cold. She lapped up a few more sips of stew. Mrs. Gaga’s shadow shined through the orange flap. She was still there, waiting. Before Delilah could drop her tongue into the stew for another gulp, Mrs. Gaga knocked louder at the door. Delilah was practically shocked as she swallowed a piece of fish. It wasn’t the time to cough up what she had just eaten with a fur ball to follow. Not if she was about to open the door to Mrs. Gaga.

Delilah recalled when she was just a kitten, playing in Mrs. Gaga’s backyard. Back then, Mrs. Gaga baked all sorts of goodies. What was most memorable was her singing. She sang all the time. She also recited poems all the time too. Then one day, she stopped singing and reciting poetry altogether.

A flower grows only once Like a human given a name only once Call out to the birds Call out to the others Who hears and who calls back out? Where does sound go when one lets go? Where does life go when one lets go? Can a ballad be all songs? Can a singer ever be without a song?

Delilah remembered Mrs. Gaga saying this to her. Things like that, whether it made sense or had rhythm. But she remembers her voice being like no other. Mrs. Gaga sang the birds out of the trees. She was Farr’s best singer, she was the world’s best singer for that matter, since Farr was the world.

Back then, Farr was home to more than four humans. “What changed? Where did they all go? Why had Farr changed so much?” wondered Delilah. “Why is Mrs. Gaga at my door at lunchtime?” whispered Delilah.

Now this a great mystery, is it not? Why is Mrs. Gaga outside her house, mid-day? What is it that we don’t yet know about Mrs. Gaga? What is it that we don’t yet know about Delilah? You are welcome to continue writing this story for yourself. You can create it from the beginning of this book when you first learned of Delilah, or you can begin right here …

Write one hundred things you know for certain. Write one hundred things you know about yourself. Write one hundred things you know about your best friend. Write one hundred things you know about your pet. Write one hundred things you know about your favourite music. Write one hundred things you know about your favourite book or author. Write one hundred things you know about your neighbour. Write one hundred things you know about your grandparents. Write one hundred things you know about your religion, your spiritual beliefs, your God.

If there was a gun to your head and you were asked to write the story of your life … what would you know? Could you write it? Would you want to write it? Or would you leave the gun to your head and allow the shooter to pull the trigger?

That would no doubt be a dramatic end to your story. There you go … you can start from the end … the bullet piercing your skull and splattering your brain all over whatever background you have in your story. Be sure to make it a good story. One thing writers fear is boring the reader to death. Who knows … maybe you’re already bored to tears with this book. You may judge it. Analyze the crap out of it. Overstudy it. Over read it. Make more out of it than the simple words that are written on these pages.

Does this sound familiar? Is this what we do with what is right in front us … over analyze the crap out of things? Question everything? Doubt everything? Doubt ourselves? Why do we do this when we know what we know?

Before you throw yourself at the mercy of your pen and paper to write your life story, do this first: listen to your favourite love song. Listen to your favourite love song over and over again. Let it sink in. Let this song drift you away into the world you know you could have created for yourself. Let this song drift you into appreciating the here and now. Let this love song show you that your choices have led you to this very precious moment … to this love song. Now watch what happens when you let it sink in, when you allow yourself to receive. Then write your life story, again.

Now you can write a new story. Write the scenes of your new life. What do you know? What do you want to know? … and then, Let go and let God … and then what you know.

Now that you have written your story … tell it. Share it. Explore it. You may even want to do a video of your life story. Take your phone and begin recording. Make sure to laugh a lot. Keep this funny, no matter how painful and ugly it gets. Allow laughter to dominate. Post your video. Share your story. You never know how your life will change someone else’s life. You may even save a life! This may be the moment for you to do the most outstanding thing of your life. A momentous moment right now! How cool is that?

I like it!!! Let’s do this!!!

DAY 2 ACTIVITIES

1. What is it that you know? What do you believe you know for certain?

2. One hundred things you know for certain.

3. One hundred things you know about yourself.

4. One hundred things you know about your best friend.

5. One hundred things you know about your pet.

6. One hundred things you know about your favourite music.

7. One hundred things you know about your favourite book or author.

8. One hundred things you know about your neighbour.

9. One hundred things you know about your grandparents.

10. One hundred things you know about your religion, your spiritual beliefs, your God.

DAY 3…AND THEN SO WHAT

How I Became a Dragon was my first published novel. I wrote it after returning from working in the Republic of Congo as a Project Director for the Wildlife Conservation Society (WCS) in the Sangha Tri-National landscape — Project for Ecosystem Management in the Nouabalé-Ndoki Periphery Area (“PROGEPP” or the “Buffer Zone project”) — in partnership with the Congolese government and the logging company CIB (Congolaise industrielle du bois, part of the OLAM Group) who is allowed to log in that area. The objective was the conservation of the Sangha Tri-National World Heritage Site, notably through the implementation of effective wildlife protection and the targeting of trade routes, tourism development, education and revenue sharing with local communities, as well as ensuring that people are supplied with alternative food sources. The park is managed by the Agence congolaise de la faune et des aires protégées (ACFAP), under the authority of the ministère de l’Économie forestière et du Développement durable (MEFDD). A management partnership established by the Wildlife Conservation Society (WCS).

… and then, what were my feelings and experience when I returned? What was I to do with that experience and that knowledge? What do we do with what we know? … and then, this lingered in me for a while. Let go and let God … and then, so what from … and then nothing … to and then what you know? This twirled in my head for some time. I had experienced many things while in the Congo that I had not believed or even known I could experience. My eyes had been opened to a different wildlife conservation experience. It wasn’t what I had experienced when I worked as a project coordinator with CERCOPAN in Nigeria. CERCOPAN was a long-tailed forest monkey rehabilitation project in South-Eastern Nigeria.

… and then so what — then I wrote about my experience. I had to drop this somewhere, and it was in what I knew … to be a writer. How I Became a Dragon is a deeply affecting work of fiction based on the real-life experiences of conservationist Heatha, that charts the course of ivory trafficking from the fierce assault on the elephant to its ultimate destination as a carved piece of ivory. The story is told from the point of view of a young woman shedding her naïve perspective on what it really means to work and dedicate her life to conservation. She takes you on a journey of how and why elephants lost their life for the sake of their grand tusks. Her chilling experience with illegal poaching is certain to move readers to do their part to end this vicious crime. The story also reveals how many individuals participate in this journey, all for a single illicit piece of ivory, and how one act of lawless poaching greatly impacts the global elephant community.

I felt much regret for leaving the project after 18 months. I felt as if I had turned my back on the animals and abandoned them to the poachers. What did I need to do to continue to protect the elephants, gorillas, chimpanzees and all of the other animals from these poachers? Our project was based out of the small village of Kabo. The office was surrounded by forests along the Sangha River. I looked out of my window, admiring the beauty of the lush green forest. I looked down at the elephant tusks neatly stacked against the edge of the wall. They were placed there during the administrative process for recording purposes. I picked up the smallest of them. It was no longer than twelve inches. The longest was as tall as me — 5 feet 4 inches.

… and then so what? That was the question. This time I was sitting in my living room in Vancouver, staring at the ocean. I stayed at a friend’s house in Point Grey. The house as occasionally used by her parents as a temporary refuge. I stared out at the ocean day and night while I wrote How I Became a Dragon.

Looking back at those days in the Congo and Vancouver, I can now see the beginning of my awakening to being a writer. I had been writing since I was in high school. I scribbled stories and poems here and there. I didn’t know then that I wanted to be a writer, or that being a writer could ever be a way of life for me, a career, but more a way of life … a passion that I cannot live without.

I struggled with what to do with the knowledge I had acquired from Nigeria and the Congo. What part was I to play in all of this? What could I do to make a difference? What could I do to contribute to our society? What could I do to bring an end to this atrocity?

The moment I sat down on the sofa, stared out at the ocean, placed my laptop on my lap and began writing How I Became a Dragon was the answer to my questions. I wanted to share the story. I wanted to capture the story of what I had lived in its truest sense. I did inject a bit of fiction at the beginning and at the end of the story. But everything in between was truly my experience. It was the experience of the animals I had encountered on this journey.

… and then so what for you? What have you experienced in your life that you have done nothing with? What have you experienced in your life that made you decide to make something of it? What do you expect God to do if you don’t help yourself? Why do you expect God to help you to do ‘anything’ if you don’t decide to do something with what you know?

I have no idea what this book or How I Became a Dragon will impact you or the world for the better. But I need to know this. All I know and feel is that I must do what I feel is good for me. I must do what makes me feel good.

Writing, creating stories, being part of the artistic world is what makes me feel good. I feel alive and vibrant. It’s my sphere. To create is an amazing feeling. I am free. I feel light. I feel everything.

Delilah waited a moment longer before looking through the orange flap to see if Mrs. Gaga was still there. She sat next to her fish stew. She recalled when she was the kitten of Mrs. Gaga’s neighbour, Mr. Fred.

Mr. Fred was a tall man with shoulder-length black hair. He wore a yellow shirt and yellow pants every day. Not the same shirt or the same pants, different styles of course, and different styles. Mr. Fred liked bright and vibrant colours.

Mr. Fred lived in the big white house. Mrs. Gaga’s puny orange house looked even punier than it was next to his house. Mr. Fred needed a big house for his grand piano. He played the piano day and night. He played piano for Mrs. Gaga. They wrote lyrics and music together. Sometimes, Mrs. Gaga would write the lyrics and the music, and then she would ask Mr. Fred to play it for her. They made a great team. Everyone in the village loved listening to them. The music was heard throughout the village. Then one day, it all went silent. Mr. Fred was gone. Mrs. Gaga stopped singing.

Delilah gobbled down another sip of her fish stew. She stepped closer to the flap.

“Delilah,” said Mrs. Gaga, “it’s Mrs. Gaga.”.

Delilah just about choked on her stew. She remained as quiet as a mouse in front of the flap. She had not heard Mrs. Gaga’s voice since she had stopped singing. She spoke in a soft tone. She spoke slowly, as she did way back then.

Mr. Fred was Mrs. Gaga’s best friend. Delilah sat with them on many occasions, eating lunch and listening to their stories. Mr. Fred had come from a faraway land, Zanzi, where he grew up as boy. Zanzi was a long village. It stretched forever, along the ocean. The villagers of Zanzi were the great storytellers of the world. He grew up listening to many stories about Farr. Farr was the village many humans and cats wanted to see for themselves. Could Farr be just as had been told in these stories? Could such a village exist? Then, one day, Mr. Fred packed his suitcase and boarded the great Sultan on its maiden voyage to Farr.

Mr. Fred knew deep down in his heart that the stories that had been told to him were true. But what was the point of knowing something and doing nothing about it? Why had the stories of Farr been salvaged for many generations? What knowledge had been imparted to him? What was he to do with this knowledge? The elders of Zanzi would always finish the story with … and then so what?

… and then so what? Each night, Mr. Fred went to bed with … and then so what? He also asked himself … there has to be more in life than this … what was it? Zanzi had a treasure map posted on the community billboard … and then so what?

The treasure map’s starting point marked Zanzi with a big red star … you are here. Dots of various sizes and colour zigzagged from north to south, and from east to west. And somewhere on the map, a big yellow star marked the spot … and then so what? The funny thing was that, if you stared at the map long enough, the big yellow star would move. One minute it was north east, then it was south, then west, and then and then … changing spot on the treasure map.

The same treasure map was posted everywhere you looked on the Sultan. There was only one map charting the course from Zanzi to Farr. The ship was set on a course for Farr. The ship’s course that was set by the stars was a journey of undefined days and nights. The passengers and the crew knew they would reach Farr. That’s all that mattered to them.

Each passenger had his or her own reasons for boarding the Sultan. Not all were headed for Farr. In fact, it was only Mr. Fred who would be getting off at Farr. The others had decided to get off at different ports of call along the way. Each passenger had decided for himself or herself where he or she would disembark, knowing full well that the ship wouldn’t return for them in a few days or a very long time, if ever. But their mission was to discover … and then so what? Each passenger had listened to the same stories that had been told to them, but each passenger had heard a different story. Each had to decide what that story meant to him or her. Each passenger decided what he or she would do with this knowledge. Each passenger decided if “letting go and letting God” would be a ‘good’ feeling for him or her, or not. He or she knew that the only way to know the answer to that question was to “let go and let God” … and then to discover what would happen from ‘you are here … on the map’ and go forward towards … and then so what?

One day, the Sultan halted at the port of call of Engla, where new passengers embarked and others disembarked. Engla was a small island in the middle of the sea. Large and small orange, yellow and white rocks covered the island. Cherry blossom trees and rose bushes grew in between the rocks. People walked around the paths that had been laid out for them by the rocks and the trees. The path meandered here and there, and never did any of them cross or join up. Once you stepped on the path, you were bound to it until you could find a link to get off and continue onto another path. The only way onto another path with success was with ease. The ease of transferring from here to there was the only way. Any shortcuts to jump from here to there, or any attempt at defying the ease of the path would set you back on your original path; essentially repeating it over and over again.

Mr. Fred had learned from the new passengers of Engla that it was only with ease of walking the path towards to the ship that represented the only way they could reach the ship. That’s if you wanted to reach the ship and embark when the ship arrived. Some were ok with taking the next ship. And for some, this was the next ship coming through Engla.

Mr. Fred had also learned that the passengers who disembarked at Engla would have to walk with ease along their chosen paths with ease, in order to get to wherever it was that they wished to arrive at Engla. The island had many beautiful observation points from which the passengers could view the island and the sea around them. Whatever their destination was on the island, of which there were many, actually there were infinite destinations on the island of Engla, each person disembarking to make this journey of infinity stepped on the Sultan confident that he or she was going somewhere. The destination was just an excuse for the journey.

Mr. Fred talked at length with his new friend Christina from Engla. It was she who said to him … the destination was just an excuse for the journey … that’s why people come to Engla. And so Mr. Fred and Christina shared many stories throughout their sea voyage on the Sultan.

The next port of call was Londo Island, where Christina disembarked the Sultan. She had shared a story with Mr. Fred about Londo. Londo was the biggest island between Zanzi and Farr. It was longer than it was wide. The Blue People were the indigenous inhabitants of Londo. They had lived there since the dawn of time. They came from no other place and they had never left the island. However, they welcomed everyone.

The Blue People were the historians of the islands. The island housed the biggest library of stories and music. A large stained glass of the treasure map … and then so what? encapsulated the wooden archway. The archway was the only way on and off the island.

A blue person greeted every newcomer to the island. Christina described them as the tallest humans she had ever set eyes on, and she had set eyes on many humans from her many journeys around the islands and the rest of the world. Long pink hair draped down to their knees. They all had pink hair. They all had silver eyes. And they all wore the same florescent gold gown. None of them wore any shoes. Their long blue toes with bright yellow toenails poked out from underneath their gown.

… and then so what? was every newcomers responsibility to give back to the community whatever that meant for them. The Blue People tasked the visitors with one task each. No two visitors had the same task. None of the visitors knew each other’s tasks. That was a private journey that was not to be discussed with anyone else other than a blue person. Each visitor could choose to do the task or not. Each visitor could choose to stay on Londo after he or she had completed the task, or embark on the next ship, whenever that ship decided to show up.

The Blue People had come to learn many stories about other humans who lived on or around the island and other parts of the world. They had come to learn that many humans acquired an abundance of knowledge about themselves through various means, through others and the world in general. But what they had come to learn about the other humans was that most of them didn’t think with this knowledge. They had not taken the next step to … and then so what?

The Blue People had acquired this knowledge from the continuous flow of visitors over the centuries. Some of the visitors had stayed and made Londo their permanent home, some of them left and never returned, while others returned frequently but didn’t stay permanently.

Mr. Fred was intrigued and curious about Londo and the Blue People that he disembarked with Christina. Besides, the destination was just an excuse for the journey. Why not? It was all part of the journey. He wanted to meet the Blue People. He wanted to learn more about the stories that he had heard while growing up. He wanted more experiences in his life. He wanted to pack as much as he could into his life. He made choices that he knew would provide answers for him … and then so what? He wanted his life to matter. He knew that by allowing himself to have as many experiences as possible represented the journey to letting go and letting God … and allowing it to come into full action because he was Being just what he was seeking and asking for. He was conscious that if he played his part into this world, he wouldn’t go unnoticed, even if he was being noticed by only one person or one cat.

Mr. Fred’s Blue host showed him to his dwelling. The mud hut made of orange clay was tall enough for two Blue People, should one be standing on the other’s shoulders. It was also just as wide. The wooden bed was also just as long, but not as wide.

Before the Blue host turned to walk out the door, she looked down at Mr. Fred. “Mr. Fred.” said the Blue host. “My name is Rokh.”

“It is a pleasure to make your acquaintance.” said Mr. Fred.

“Mr. Fred, this will be your task.” said Rokh. She turned away from him and walked towards the door.

Mr. Fred walked behind her. He wanted to hear what she had to say before she left the hut. Rokh stopped abruptly before reaching the door. Mr. Fred bumped into her. She looked back at him. She grinned from ear to ear.

“Mr. Fred, your task is to learn the tasks of your neighbour to the left and to the your right, and to come to understand … and then so what? for each of them, and how this teaches you … and then so what? for yourself.” Rokh turned and walked out of the hut.

Mr. Fred was perplexed because he had been told that no one knew anyone else’s task. The tasks were not to be discussed with anyone else other than a Blue person. Each visitor could choose to carry out the task or not.

Delilah was in the same perplexing situation as Mr. Fred back then. She could choose to open the door for Mrs. Gaga at the most unusual time of the day, during lunch time especially, or she could choose to ignore Mrs. Gaga and keep the status quo, and not disrupt her routine.

Delilah wondered if change was an option right now. Could change lead to greater and better things? Could change, a different routine, possibly be what was needed to finish her fish stew, as it was getting colder and colder in the bowl next to her? Could change be the answer to getting the caterpillar to acknowledge her, to pay her some kind of attention?

Mr. Fred was keen to experience this task. He imagined every possible way to experience the journey. He experienced all of the opportunities that were aligned with his highest self.

After many sunrises and sunsets, Rokh returned to Mr. Fred’s hut. She stepped close to him. She looked down at him. Her big silver eyes stared into his dark brown eyes. “Have you completed your task?” asked Rokh.

Mr. Fred looked up at Rokh with a big smile. “I shall never arrive at my destination because my journey is a never ending one. My journey never ends because I will always strive to reach my highest self. I will always strive to reach my highest self because there is no end to me.”

“ …and then so what?” asked Rokh.

“ …and then so what … I want to be a human of worth and substance.” replied Mr. Fred. “My soul is my most precious possession, and I must protect it.”

… and then so what? is a familiar journey for all of us, is it not? When I arrived in Africa the first time, my journey was in Nigeria. Even though I had dreamt of doing this work since I was child, I couldn’t see the ‘worth’ of my work then. I didn’t see that what I was doing was making a difference for these animals. I saw more problems. How could my small contribution make a difference in the greater scheme of things? But I did appreciate the value of our education program. CERCOPAN visited various schools to speak about the well-being of monkeys, their environment and issues around poaching and the abuse of animals. One day, a young girl came to the project with a young monkey in her hands. She had learned from our visit why people should not hunt the monkeys or keep them as their pets in their home. The young girl shared with her parents what she had learned that day. She came to the project to tell us what she learned and hand the monkey over to the project so it could live with other monkeys, knowing that eventually, it would be return to a larger sanctuary in the jungle.

… and then so what? We never know what we learn and what we share with others, or that what we do with what we know changes us, impacts others for the better, or how we can make this a better world for all life on planet Earth.

… and then so what? What more can each and every one of us do in order to take full advantage of this opportunity presented to us? Let go and let God … and then so what? is an opportunity many of us have yet to take full advantage of. What must one do to take full advantage of this opportunity? What comes to mind the moment you read this? What does your first instinct tell you? What jumps out right in front of you? What is your … “and then so what”?

Make this another momentous occasion in your life to do something outstanding for yourself. When you do something outstanding for yourself, for your highest self, your energy, this ‘goodness’ this ‘good feeling’, your vibration, the vibration of your sphere, will be felt beyond your own circumference. It will transcend out into the world, whether you see it or not.

Believe this is possible and it will be so. Be this greater version of yourself. Start from where you are. Your start line is the perfect place for you to begin. Don’t look back. You know where you made choices that redirected you out of your sphere, away from your highest self. You know this because it didn’t feel good. But you also know you had to experience this in order to know the difference, the same way we can only know light by experiencing darkness.

Be kind to yourself on this journey to infinity. Infinity is filled with twists and turns, with wonders and wonderful experiences. You can experience them all. You can experience them all from every decision and action you make or undertake, in every moment of your day.

While listening to your favourite love song and sitting in your favourite chair, or favourite place inside or outside, put pen to paper and write your infinite journey. See what that looks like in your own words. Write this in any way you want. As a poem, the way you like to write in your journal, as a screenplay, a play, a song or music. Or say it out loud to yourself. Or whisper it to yourself. Do whatever it is that resonates with your highest self. Feel it! Do it! Feel it! Be it! Feel it! Feel your way to … and then so what?

DAY 3 ACTIVITIES

1. What must one do to take full advantage of this opportunity?

2. What comes to mind the moment you read this?

3. What does your first instinct tell you?

4. What jumps out right in front of you?

5. What is your … and then so what?

6. While listening to your favourite love song and sitting in your favourite chair, or favourite place inside or outside, put pen to paper and write your infinite journey. See what that looks like in your own words. Write this in any way you want.

DAY 4…AND THEN BE STILL

… and then be still … the poems hidden within me emerged in the still moments. In between knowing about the ‘others’ when I was 3, 4, 5 or 6, to the visions and visits from the dead, my gift also showed me other lives, whether my other lives — as some believed we have had many other lives — or I was seeing and feeling the lives of others who had once lived here.

All I know for certain is that in grade 13 when I began writing poetry, I felt I was writing about someone else. I saw myself as a soldier. I could feel the bullet pierce his body and I could see the entire bloody scene around me. My first poem which was entitled Just Like Jesus Christ was a class assignment for Remembrance Day of 1986.

My English class teacher, Mr. M. Forsyth, submitted Just Like Jesus Christ to The Royal Canadian Legion. It turns out that when I graduated, my poem had been selected and this was the first time I received money for my writing. I received a $200 bursary.

Just Like Jesus Christ (this poem is originally written in the shape of a cross)

I know you were scared. But you went Anyway. I now you died for us just like Jesus Christ. Do we remem- ber you … or even thank you. On your day people cry for you. They only re- member how you died. Not why you died.

Poetry had become that place of stillness for me, as did my writing later on in life. But in my youth and in my 20s and 30s, poetry seemed to have dominated my writing before I explored other styles of writing such as novels, screenplays and plays.

In 1999 I ‘remembered’ another event from a past life, or I was experiencing a very strong connection to a man, a young soldier who had died in battle. These visions brought me great sorrow and great peace as well. I was drawn to the scene presented to me. I felt everything. I saw everything. I heard everything. Poetry was how they spoke to me.

Remembering the Soldiers

Let me begin by telling you of a soldier who lay face down in a trench. He was covered in mud, cold and stiff. His corps emitted a scent that was carried by the breeze. A large bullet hole parted his back with mud colouring his skin rusty red.

Cradled next to him was his comrade with tears trailing down his cheeks. Frozen by fear, afraid to die, he remained hidden until the sunrise. The morning mist dropped crystal on each blade of grass and the cool air awoke him, reminding him of where he is.

He slowly rises to take a peek at the war. He sees a ship docked at sea. Not remembering that the sea is so close, he crawls out of the trench towards the ship and climbs aboard. He meets the captain and asks “What is our destination?” — the captain replies — “Heaven of course”.

Face down, dead and cold Comfort to another soul. Loud and clear death is near, Returning some to their homes. Memories following the lost souls, Suicide cuts out their hope.

Dedicated To all those who didn’t return, and, To all those who couldn’t stay. May 3, 1999

Being still provides the opportunity to receive what you have asked in life. Imagine yourself standing in front of what you want. It doesn’t matter what it is. See yourself asking for it and see yourself receiving it. Now … see yourself jumping around here and there. See yourself not standing still for any length of time. But the only way you can be selected to receive what you want is to stand still, and you know this. But you do the opposite.

Why do you do the opposite of what you know it is that you must do? Why is it that you become so impatient to receive after you have asked for something? We all experience that desire to want what we want Right Now, in the Immediate, and no later than Now.

But how is that possible? To compensate for this ‘waiting’, letting the cake bake after you have put it in the oven, you decide to open and close the oven door, you remove the unbaked cake out of the oven frequently to see if it is cooked yet, and then you put it back in, and then you turn the stove on and off, and do all sorts of things to try and get the cake to bake, instead of just letting it be, instead of giving it the time that you know is required for the cake to bake at a certain temperature.

As stupid as it may sound, you would never do that when baking a cake. But it is what you do when you prepare all the ingredients for what you want, and then you get in the way of the cooking process. Leave the cake alone, let it bake.

Let yourself be still to receive whatever it is that you have taken the time to prepare, to mix the right ingredients for what you have asked for. The more you jump around here and there and interrupt yourself from receiving by thinking that you need to do this and that, and whatever else you think you need to be doing, Let go and let God … and then be still. Just wait!!!!!

Imagine yourself as the bullseye at a target range. You want the bullet to reach the centre. If you move around, the bullet will never reach you. This is not the most inspiring analogy, but you get the picture.

My point is that it doesn’t matter what you do to feed your impatience during the process of asking and receiving. If you don’t believe, trust and allow to receive, whatever it is you’ve asked for and trying to come your way — hitting your ‘bullseye’ will be difficult. Then you will blame others, blame something, and become even less of a believer in yourself … but first you will become even less of a believer in the whole process of asking and it’s given … Let go and let God … and find more fault and blame in everything and everyone else but yourself … the one not Being still … not letting the cake bake.

Stillness of one’s mind, body and soul brings great awareness to what is right in front of you. It brings greater awareness to the day-to-day decision we make at every moment of our life. Stillness is a source of knowledge. It’s a portal to your highest self.

“Rokh” said Mr. Fred “ …and then be still. Being still is …

Stillness

Stillness is a time to reflect To enjoy To embrace and See what lies ahead.

A path to follow A time to see A moment of joy.

What comes and What follows God only knows.

Be still my friend Love brings hope Your faith unfolds.

I see you there In the light And Remember — what we think we know Is always what we’re going to discover.

I know you’re there Standing near You’re in my body and my soul At last we meet.

Along this walk Where two souls meet Take my hand When time agrees.

* A journey ends A new one unfolds Let life explain What must be known.

Your time is near Your writing is clear Allow this path To fill your dreams.

I once saw you In my dream and What I was meant to know Was for tomorrow.

You dance with your shadow You laugh with your soul You run with hope and You write with love.

What else can be said When love is still other than Knowing that stillness Is where the moment begins..” recited Mr. Fred.

One evening at Nouabalé-Ndoki National Park –Congo, I was sitting at a round table with other WCS staff. A candle burned at the centre of the table. Before anyone could stop it, a moth landed directly into the flame. “Tragedy of the moth.” said Roberta.

As tragic as it was, “Tragedy of the moth, this is a great title for a book!” I replied. “Do you mind if I use this?”

“Go ahead!” said Roberta.

This was a moment of stillness for me. It was a permanent moment of stillness for the moth. My mind had been completely still. The fact that my mind had been completely still had allowed for what needed to come in. It allowed me to see more than what was just in front of me. That was the beginning of my second novel entitled Tragedy of the Moth.

As a writer, my mind must be still. But my mind must also be vibrant. My highest self needs to be able to reach me. I must be able to reach my highest self. So … yes … this occasionally happens when I am at my highest self … and then I return to Earth, with my feet planted on the ground, living this current life. My journey as a writer is my journey to my highest self. We now know that this is a never-ending journey.

My journey as a writer was inspired by James Joyce, Oscar Wilde, Virginia Woolf, Gertrude Bell, Socrates, Antoine de Saint-Exupéry, Albert Camus, F. Scott Fitzgerald, Margaret Atwood, Paulo Coelho, and most importantly, my high school English teacher, Mr. M. Forsyth. Mr. Forsyth didn’t know that I was stupid. He only witnessed me secretly scribbling away. He asked to see what I was writing. I refused to show anyone what I wrote back then. I was afraid of being judged. I didn’t want anyone to see what I was seeing. Then Mr. Forsyth gave us a class assignment. Now I was forced to hand it my homework. My poem … Just Like Jesus Christ.

Tragedy of the Moth was inspired by my personal relationships and life experiences. As a self-taught writer, I weaved together a non-formula fiction novel, filled with mystery and intrigue in a captivating tale of the theatrical world that enthrals with its poetic prose, scripts, supernatural folklore, and stream of consciousness aside.

I was born to do and be many things. But I know without a doubt that I was born to be a writer. I know this in my moments of stillness. I feel this in my moments of stillness. I know this with certainty because it’s what makes me feel good!!! And that is all I need to know.

The Writer

The love, the notes, the pen – The solitude, the agony, the ache – The story — the joy — the journey,

Finding you – What does it say — your voice – The paper it rest on –

The colour of the sky – In words only you can see – Felt by you — within you — beyond you,

And there it sits in memory – In its glory of the soul, The heart of the page, To the next, til the end –

It’s all about love — the passion The power of the words – The writer December 9, 2008

Delilah recalled how Mrs. Gaga described the first time she met Mr. Fred.

A Conversation When a conversation begins, a window of opportunity for a friendship begins to appear, a friendship started, longed for — the beginning of of a new journey — A path of discovery- A place to be — A moment to embrace — A journey begins with a new shining star A direction you want to follow A place to see The explorer finds a map Picks a spot Compass pointed The walk begins On this bath she meets a guide Not what she expected — She’s pleased with him She likes this guide A teacher, a student, a friend — one entity One soul, one memory — one place A conversation begins — And words are shared Life is shared

Delilah sat quietly and still at the door flap. She watched Mrs. Gaga’s shadow move back and forth from the other side. Her shoes tapped quietly. Delilah remembered Mrs. Gaga being a very patient woman. Mrs. Gaga had once explained to Delilah how being still helped her reach her best singing voice. But Delilah’s memories of Mrs. Gaga singing were not of her standing still. Mrs. Gaga danced all the time while she sang, except for when she sang a ballad.

Mrs. Gaga explained to Delilah that each song requires a certain amount of energy, that there wasn’t one song that resembled the other in terms of the energy that was required to sing it. “Songs and music are meant to be felt.” Mrs. Gaga would say. “Songs and music are to be experienced, not just heard with our ears, but absorbed through our senses. Just like life. Life is to be absorbed, experienced and felt through all of our senses, especially the heart. You can only feel life to know life. You can only live when you allow yourself to feel. You can allow yourself to feel the kaleidoscope of the feelings the universe has made available to you … to know that for Letting go and letting God … and then being still … feeling is required.”

Delilah stepped back from the flap. She sipped those last few sips of fish stew from her bowl. Through the crack in the flap, she watched Mrs. Gaga, walking away from the door. Mrs. Gaga stopped walking half way down the walkway. To her right was a large cherry blossom tree that shaded the bench in Delilah’s front yard. Mrs. Gaga took a seat. Delilah watched intensely at what she would do next. “How long would she wait there? She is a very patient woman.” wondered Delilah.

Delilah watched Mrs. Gaga look through her purple purse. Mrs. Gaga never left the house without her purple purse. No matter how long she would be away from home or how far. Mrs. Gaga removed a sandwich and an apple from her purse.

“She will be on that bench for a very long time.” thought Delilah. Mrs. Gaga was a very slow eater. “How will I get back to the rose field to see the caterpillar while Mrs. Gaga is waiting for me?”

Delilah sat next to the flap. “I’ll wait as well. Mr. Fred’s story about stillness is useful right now.” thought Delilah.

Mr. Fred left Londo the day after he spoke with Rohk. It just so happened that a ship was passing through. He boarded the Bulsa. The ship sailed that early morning for Farr. It was a large sailboat with bright yellow, orange and white sails.

Mr. Fred arrived in Farr the morning of the village annual music and writer’s celebration. All the villagers and all the cats attended the festival. The festival took place in every corner of the village along Only Street, and in the rose field. Everyone sang and danced, recited stories and wrote together. An array of colourful food stretched from house to house.

The festival was just as Mr. Fred had heard in the stories. It was actually better being there to experience it firsthand. The village vibrated with all sorts of sounds, colours and aromas. It was magical.

Then he set eyes on Mrs. Gaga. It was love at first sight. But he would have to wait to meet her. He knew that he was receiving what he had asked for when he learned later that day that he was moving into the house next door to hers’.

Mr. Fred knew that if he were to continue receiving what he had asked for, to find a best friend, to befriend a best friend who would sing to his music, he needed to be still.

Back at Zanzi, Mr. Fred spoke clearly to the universe about what he wanted. He wrote it in his journal. He wrote the music to which ‘this friend’ would sing too. He knew he needed to already be in a place where this dream was already being realized. He knew that he needed to have the music already composed before he met the singer. He knew he needed to be and feel his way to his dream, be and feel his way to receiving.

And then all he needed to do was to be still.

And then he had to Let go and let God … and then be — the way to receiving what he had asked for.

After reading this chapter, I invite you to write 10 things you would like to see in your life. Write what you want and why you want it. It could be anything from a feeling to an actual thing. But remember, if you ask for a feeling, you must feel this feeling before you ‘think’ you need to acquire something in order to experience the ‘feeling’ you desire. As they say, money doesn’t buy happiness. You must attain the feeling of ‘happiness’ to acquire this happiness before the money. Yes, money can make for a happy situation here and there … but if deep down you are unhappy, you will remain unhappy until you decide to feel that place of happiness just on your own … without the ‘acquired something’ you believe you need to be happy. And most importantly, you will not find the love that you are seeking from anyone else either. You must feel that love for yourself before you receive it from anyone else, no matter what you believe and how much you want to fight this.

For the next four weeks, ‘remember’ to take only the necessary actions you need to take in order to receive what you’ve asked for, what you want to see in your life. Please step into your sphere … the place you know is closest to your highest self. Be still in this place. If you don’t know what this place is for you, where your stillness is … let it go, and you know what comes next … Let God … and be still. And I know you remember this as well … to want happiness you must Be Happiness. To want respect … you must Be Respect. To want wealth … you must Be Wealthy … and what I mean about that is to stop going around saying this is too expensive, I can’t afford this, for example.

So whatever it is that you want, you must BE! Be aware of the language you use when you are by yourself and with others. Observe and focus and give your attention to what it is that you can do, what it is that you can achieve! See what happens in your everyday life on all the small and big decisions you make when you use language and take action towards what it is you can do. So basically, see the glass overflowing and not just half full, and give no attention to the half empty, EVER!!!

Write down your small and big RECEIVINGS or WINNINGS of joy from receiving what you asked for. Feel the appreciation for everything you have, no matter what it is. Feel appreciation for the air in your lungs. Feel appreciation for the snow in your front yard blocking your driveway. Feel appreciation for the person who cut you off while driving. Feel the window of opportunity open up when you feel appreciation for everything that is happening in your life. Observe the change in you and around you. Feel the change in you and around you. Feel the change coming from others. Feel the change of how others interact with you. Feel it all. Be free of yourself!!! Be your highest self at every opportunity.

Remember … it’s an infinite journey. You’ll always be on this journey … so why not enjoy it?!! Do this with ease. Be still!!! And Be …

DAY 4 ACTIVITIES

Whatever it is you want you must BE!

1. Be aware of the language you use when you are by yourself and with others. Write the language you use that is not beneficial to your highest self. Write the language you now use that is beneficial to your highest self.

2. Write what you observe and focus on, and give your attention to what it is that you can do, what it is that you can achieve!

3. Write what you see happening in your everyday life on all the small and big decisions you make when you use language and take action relating to what it is that you can do.

4. Write your small and big RECEIVED or WINNINGS of joy from receiving what you asked for.

5. Describe your feeling of appreciation for everything you have, no matter what it is.

6. Write what you observe — the change in you and around you.

7. Write about the feeling — the changes in you and around you, the changes in others, the changes in how others interact with you.

DAY 5…AND THEN BE

… and then be — can be one of the easiest things you’ve ever done in your entire life. If you don’t believe me … try it for just 15 seconds. Feel the feeling of happiness for 15 seconds. Be a thin person if that is what you want, for 15 seconds. Be whatever it is you desire for 15 seconds. If it doesn’t feel good, then you won this argument … now you can stop reading this book and go back to your poo poo life and feel sorry for yourself, and keep blaming others and whatever, and then continue telling yourself the same stories that keep you down in the dumps where you feel most comfortable because any change in your life requires YOU and no one else to make one or many changes, and that is the only way anything will change for you in your life. There are no exceptions to this rule.

One of the most fantastic things you will ever do for yourself is to stop seeing yourself as a big looser. You can start making whatever change you need to make right here, right now, in order not to be such a big looser. It doesn’t take weeks or years of hard work on yourself. It starts with one small step that you take for yourself, for the person you truly are. Be this outstanding person you yearn to be. Be this outstanding person you know you truly are. Be this outstanding person others see in you, while you don’t believe it to be true. Be this outstanding person that stares at you in the mirror every morning. Be the momentous moment of your life by saying to yourself I love you and you am awesome!!!

Let go and let God … and then Be. After you’ve tried this for 15 seconds, increase it to 30 seconds, then to 45 seconds, then to one minute, and then to 1 minute and 15 seconds and so on and so forth. You are going to make this work this time! Are you not? Are these 15 seconds and more worth the future that you desire? Now, can you picture what tomorrow will look like if you decide not to do the work that brings you to your best and highest self. Are you willing to stay exactly where you are because you believe all the stories you keep telling yourself as to why you cannot do A, B, C or D or whatever? Are you willing to forego your future for the shitty life you’ve created for yourself, knowing that you are sitting in your shit and that you are too terrified to get up and change your pants and get out of your shit? Really? Is that you? Is that who you want to BE?

I didn’t think so! So what are you going to do about it? What are you willing to do about it? What are you willing to believe? Who are you daring yourself to BE? Where is this person you want to BE? What is this person doing? Who is this person BEING? How do you come to know this person? How do you create this person? Where is the first place you can find this person?

A simple task for a great reward! I would love to read your stories of this new journey. I would love to read about who you are now and how you created this new person. This new person is your true self! I would love to hear from this person.

Once you have created this new person, I invite you to share your journey with others. Let go and let God … and then what you know … remember that it is better when you share this knowledge with others. This sharing of knowledge will probably be more beneficial to you than to the person with whom you are sharing. Watch and FEEL what happens to you … this new person … the real you!

You are entering your sphere of transformation. A transformation of simple moment by moment opportunities to be just You, the best You. Your sphere of transformation is as you already know … an excuse for the journey … that is infinite. So, instead of having goals, focus on your intentions. Focus on intentions … this is a greater and grander place to be that is closest to your heart because it’s effortless. Feel your intention and stay the course. When you fall out of your sphere … be cool … stay calm … be kind to yourself … Be You … and step back in with ease.

Delilah washed the dishes after lunch. After tidying up, she opened the door. Mrs. Gaga was no longer sitting on the bench under the cherry blossom tree. Ever since Delilah had known Mrs. Gaga, she had never known her to leave before seeing whoever it was that she wanted to see. This was as much out of character for Mrs. Gaga as it was for her to leave the house other than at sunrise and sunset. “Why did she leave? And where could she have gone?” wondered Delilah.

Delilah walked to the bench. A purple envelope was taped to the bench. Delilah’s name was written on the envelope. Delilah jumped up on the bench. She opened the envelope and removed a letter from it. She looked around to see if Mrs. Gaga was anywhere in sight. There was only one street, Only Street, and she did lived at the end of Only Street, so she couldn’t have gone too far. “She must have gone back to her house.” thought Delilah.

She opened the letter. The letter read as follows: Dear Delilah, I came by your place today at lunchtime. I knocked a few times and waited, but you were not home. I figured that you were still out at the rose field, so I decided to wait awhile on the bench in case you returned. I ate my lunch under your beautiful cherry blossom tree. Today, I decided that I would do something different and have lunch with you. I know you never change your routine and you always have lunch at the same time, at your house every day. Ever since Mr. Fred’s death, I have been eating lunch on my own. Today, I decided that it would be a different day. I ate my sandwich and my apple alone. I didn’t see you coming up Only Street, so I decided to go back to my house for my tea. You must have decided that today would be a different day for you as well since you didn’t answer when I knocked.

Your loving friend, Mrs. Gaga

Delilah crawled back to her house. She read Mrs. Gaga’s letter several times. Delilah prepared a pot of tea and put Mrs. Gaga’s favourite pie in the oven. She always liked her apple pie a little warm. She called Mrs. Gaga to invite her over for tea and pie. Mrs. Gaga was delighted.

That afternoon, Delilah and Mrs. Gaga spent their time talking about all sorts of things. Mrs. Gaga shared her love story of her and Mr. Fred. It was the greatest and saddest story Delilah had ever heard. But Mrs. Gaga didn’t want her or anyone to feel sad for her. Mrs. Gaga shared her fears of trusting someone else. She had become best friends with Mr. Fred who had asked for her hand in marriage not long after he moved into the house next door. Mr. Fred proposed to Mrs. Gaga the first time she sang to his music. Mrs. Gaga refused Mr. Fred’s proposals for many reasons this book will not list … there are not enough pages in any book to list all of the reasons why she refused Mr. Fred’s proposal. By the time they drank a few pots of tea and finished the entire pie, Delilah wiped her tears when Mrs. Gaga told her about the moment when she had decided to Be all that she knew she wanted to Be; the day she accepted Mr. Fred’s proposal. That night, Mr. Fred died in his sleep.

Delilah walked Mrs. Gaga back to her house later that afternoon. The sun shined down on Only Street. The leaves swirled around the sidewalk. The tree branches creaked with the breeze. It was a perfect autumn day in Farr, the only village where cherry blossom trees bloomed all year round. Delilah had the biggest and most beautiful tree in her front yard for everyone to enjoy.

On their walk back to Mrs. Gaga’s house, Delilah asked her if they could have lunch together or do something different for lunch every day. Mrs. Gaga was delighted with that idea. Mrs. Gaga suggested that they invite other people from the village to join them as well. Delilah was delighted as well. This was a wonderful change for both of them.

When they reached Mrs. Gaga’s house, Mrs. Gaga invited Delilah in. Delilah had not been in the house ever since Mr. Fred had died, and that was a long time ago, it seemed.

“I’d like to show you something.” said Mrs. Fred. “Please do come in.”

Delilah gladly accepted the invitation. In the main living room, on the wall, over the grand piano, hung a portrait of Mr. Fred. Delilah looked up at that portrait. She looked down at the grand piano.

“How did they managed to get this huge piano into Mrs. Gaga’s puny house?” wondered Delilah. But somehow, the piano fit perfectly into this room. It was as though it had always been there. It was as though this room had been built especially for this piano.

“Mr. Fred was a very handsome man.” said Delilah.

“Yes.” agreed Mrs. Gaga. “He was the love of my life, and he told me every day I was the love of his life.” She turned and looked up at the portrait. “But this is not why I invited you to come in. There is something else I would like to show you. Please come this way.”

Delilah followed Mrs. Gaga to another room. “How many rooms could there be in this puny house?” wondered Delilah. “From the outside, this house looks so tiny. It couldn’t have more than two bedrooms.” she thought to herself.

Delilah continued to follow Mrs. Gaga. They arrived at a swirling staircase.

The staircase seemed to reach up to the sky. Delilah was bewildered at the twists and turns of this puny house. She wanted to know what would come next. She had heard of the proverb “Curiosity killed the cat” … well … Delilah was curious enough to go all the way. She knew though that this proverb was used to warn of the dangers of unnecessary investigations or experimentation, and that it wasn’t fitting for this occasion.

Delilah followed Mrs. Gaga up the stairs. Mrs. Gaga’s red shoes drummed against the wooden steps. The drumming echoed up to the bright yellow ceiling. After a few minutes, they reached the top of the stairs. A brown wooden door stretched across the ceiling. An orange stone knob poked out from the centre of the door. Mrs. Gaga grasped the knob, turned it clockwise and push on the door.

She then stepped up on the last step and up into the room above. Delilah followed with even greater curiosity. On the top step, Delilah poked her head into the room. She looked into the bright turquoise room that was filled with all sorts of ancient artifacts. A large table stretched from wall to wall. Books of stamps covered the table. The stamps were from every village around the world. Also, various sculptures and ornaments that had been worn by various humans and cats hung on the wall and draped on beautifully-crafted stone and wooden chairs.

Next to the far wall below the crown-shaped window was a treasure chest. The chest was carved out of wood. Two golden hooks twisted in and out of a golden latch.

“Come here Delilah.” said Mrs. Gaga, as she opened the chest.

Delilah’s eyes practically jumped out of her head when she saw what was in that chest. She looked up at Mrs. Gaga.

“Everything that is in this room and in this chest once belonged to Mr. Fred. Before he arrived to Farr, Mr. Fred had been on many adventures. He collected one or many things from every village he visited. The music sheets in this chest are songs he wrote for every single person he met. No two songs were the same. Mr. Fred was an amazing man. He opened his heart to everyone he met. He opened his heart to every opportunity that was placed before him. His passion was music. His love was for the songs. He became everything he wanted in his life. He knew he needed to be the musician he wanted to be before learning how to play the piano. He knew that he needed to be a singer before he could sing a song. He tinkered with everything. He listened to every sounds he heard in every village. He believed that everything around him was music. He believed that in order to be a musician, he had to Be music, and that started with his highest self. Mr. Fred never hesitated on that point. Mr. Fred asked for what he wanted, he felt what he wanted, he did what he had to do to receive it, and he let go and let God … and then he just was …

“Mr. Fred never showed any of this to anyone when he lived in the big white house next door.” said Delilah. “Why did Mr. Fred not share this with me or anyone else in the village?”

“Mr. Fred did share his music and all of this with others.” said Mrs. Gaga. “He lived in the biggest house in the village. All of this was everywhere in the house. The music sheets covered the grand piano. He hummed his songs all day. He played these songs on the piano often. Some people and some cats saw all of this and heard every song. Some people and some cats saw only the big house and the stuff in it.”

“I thought I knew Mr. Fred pretty well before he died.” said Delilah. “I love music and always wanted to learn how to play the piano. I had hoped that one day Mr. Fred could teach me how to play the piano, but …”

Mrs. Gaga removed a few sheets of music from the chest. She pointed at the title on the music sheet. Delilah looked at the music sheet. Tears rolled down her face.

“Delilah, the title is Delilah.” said Delilah.

“Yes.” said Mrs. Gaga. “Mr. Fred knew you wanted to learn to play the piano and write music. Every day he waited for you to come to the house. Every day he prepared the music sheets, a pot of tea, and fish stew, just for you.”

Delilah stared at the crown-shaped window. Her tail flopped to the ground. Mixed emotions swirled around in her stomach. Mrs. Gaga patted her on the head. “Now, now Delilah, there is no point in tormenting yourself with regret. Today is a new day. It’s a new day for both of us.” She pulled out an orange journal tucked away beneath the music sheets.

“This is for you.” said Mrs. Gaga.

Delilah took the journal. She opened it to the first page. She read the inscription: Dear Delilah, Please accept this gift as a demonstration of love and appreciation for the friendship you have shown me throughout all these years. You greeted me with open arms when I first arrived to Farr. I enjoyed all of our conversations, especially the ones about your long walks along the rose field. I am certain that one day you will discover all there is to discover in the rose field. I hope you will enjoy the piano. Mrs. Gaga will care for it until you are ready to bring into your home. These music sheets and this journal will provide you with everything you need to begin your music lessons. Mrs. Gaga has agreed to be your teacher for as long as you need.

Your loving friend, Mr. Fred

DAY 5 ACTIVITIES

Are you willing to stay exactly where you are because you believe all the stories you keep telling yourself as to why you cannot do A, B, C or D or whatever? Are you willing to forego your future for the shit life you created for yourself, knowing you are sitting in your shit and you are too terrified to get up and change your pants, and get out of your shit? Really! Is that you? Is this who you want to BE?

I didn’t think so! So what are you going to do about it? 1. Write what you are going to do about it.

What are you willing to do about it? 2. Write what you are willing to do about it.

What are you willing to believe? 3. Write what you are willing to believe.

Who are you daring yourself to BE? 4. Write who you are daring to be.

Where is this person you want to BE? 5. Write where you will find this person you want to be.

What is this person doing? 6. Write what this person is doing.

Who is this person BEING? 7. Write who this person is BEING.

How can you come to know this person? 8. Write how you can come to know this person.

How do you create this person? 9. Write how you will create this person.

Where is the first place you can find this person? 10. Write where is the place you can find this person.

A simple task for a great reward! I would love to read your stories of this new journey. I would love to read about who you are now and how you created this new person. This new person is your true self! This is the person I would love to hear from.

When you have created this new person, I invite you to share your journey with others. Let go and let God … and then what you know … Remember this is best served when you share this knowledge. This sharing of knowledge will probably be more beneficial to you than to the person with whom you are doing the sharing. Watch and FEEL what happens to you … this new person … the real you!

11. Write what you Watch and FEEL happening to you … this new person … the real you.

DAY 6…AND THEN LISTEN

Let go and let God and then LISTEN. Yes, it’s as easy as that because remember … we want to experience our journey with EASE. It doesn’t mean that you will not experience all sorts of things that will generate feelings of sorrow, grief, sadness and pain and many other ‘not-so-good feelings’. It means that there is an easy way for us to go about our everyday life. Listen! Listen to your gut feeling. Listen to your intuition. Listen for the answers to your prayers. Listen to that little voice in your head … the one you easily dismiss because you think it’s nothing, and you believe it’s nothing because you say ‘it’s just in my head’, you say ‘it’s just me talking to myself’. Well … maybe it’s you talking to yourself. Maybe it’s you tapping into your highest self.

Let’s jump right into you doing something for yourself today. Listen to that voice. Listen to that gut feeling. Trust in yourself!

Observe everything you do. Ask all the necessary questions you need to get through the day. Now … let it go. Listen to what is said to you. Write down your questions. Write down the answers. Do what your gut feeling tells you to do. Feel what it is you know you need to do … no matter what it is.

Yes, there will be some actions and decisions you will take that will have you shaking in your boots. That will have you absolutely terrified. This might be standing up for yourself. This might be saying no when you are always saying yes. This might be saying yes when you are always saying no. It can be all sorts of things in your day-to-day life that you have decided to keep and that are blocking you from moving forward.

Record this process any way you like. Write it in your journal. Record your own video. Paint or draw the scene you are in at the present moment. Then paint or draw the scene you see the outcome you want. This can be done in writing as well. Allow yourself to explore this new experience of LISTENING.

It doesn’t matter where the ‘voice’ is coming from. As long as it feels good, you know what to do. If it doesn’t feel good, you definitely know what not to do.

The next day, Delilah moved in the piano into her yellow house. She stared at it all day. It filled the corner of her living room where she searched a long time as to how to best use this space.

The music sheets covered the top of the piano. She looked at every single one of them. She studied the one entitled Delilah. Mr. Fred had composed these lyrics and this music just for her. Her heart was all a fluster from this wonderful gift. She had never received such a beautiful gift, other than the grand piano, the music sheet and the journal. Also, she was forever appreciative that Mrs. Gaga would be her music teacher for however long she desired.

The passage of time for Delilah from the day she met Mrs. Gaga and Mr. Fred until now seemed long, as well as short and mysterious. She knew that time waits for no one, no matter what. You either do it or you don’t. You either decide or you don’t. You either act or you don’t. It goes on … either you make something happen or you don’t. That choice is always and only ever left up to us, no one else, ever!

After the first few days of staring at the piano, the music notes and the journal, Delilah scheduled her first music lesson with Mrs. Gaga. Mrs. Gaga would come over to teach Delilah every morning before she left for the rose field.

The music lessons had become a routine, which played a big part in Delilah’s life. What she learned every morning from Mrs. Gaga wasn’t only for the yellow house to enjoy. After ever lesson, Delilah took what she had learned to the rose field. This time, she bought a tiny keyboard she could throw over her shoulder to take along to the field with her. She loved to perform for the trees, the flowers and the caterpillar.

Delilah learned many things while learning how to play the piano, write lyrics and compose music. She learned to listen in a way she had never listened before. Everything around her was something worth listening too. The rustling of the leaves, the sound of flowing water, the sound of the can opener, the sound of washing dishes, the sound of vehicles on Only Street, the sound of people crying, the sound of the garbage truck collecting the trash, and the sound of her own voice. The sound of her own inner voice!

Delilah’s inner voice became stronger and louder because she remained still long enough to listen to each of the music note. Each music note was different from the first time she had heard it to the second, third, fourth and so on. It was different because she was listening in a different way.

She couldn’t hear the same thing the same way twice because each moment of her days she was experiencing something new. It was something new because it was a different moment in time. Time waits for no one … she knew this. So if it doesn’t stand still … then she knew that she must decide to be in the moment, to be present. Delilah knew that she couldn’t run with time, she couldn’t run with the speed of light.

Delilah had become acutely aware that attempting to chase what she wanted was a futile attempt because she knew she would never reach it. If she took a step forward, it took a step forward. If she stood still, and ask for something, then that ‘thing’ she asked for would come to her.

Try this! Watch what happens. Experience this happening in your life. Feel this momentous occasion to be in a place of listening in order to RECEIVE.

Delilah had explored her inner self to begin at the start line. She didn’t want Mr. Fred’s gift to her to go to waste. “How was it that she received such a gift? Was it luck?” wondered Delilah.

The days she stared at the piano she couldn’t help but wonder why this had happened. She really had not done much to receive what she had asked for. She never spoke with Mr. Fred that she wanted to learn how to play the piano, write songs and compose music. “How did he know?” she asked herself over and over again. It wasn’t until one morning during one of her music lessons with Mrs. Gaga that she received the answer to this question.

Mrs. Gaga shared a story with Delilah that morning. In her story, she brought Delilah back to the first day the three of them sat together in Mr. Fred’s kitchen. He had invited them for tea and pie. Delilah was just a kitten. It was Delilah’s first time going into another human’s house. There were only four humans living in Farr back then. Now there were only three, since Mr. Fred had died. But before that, there had been many other humans.

Before Mr. Fred arrived in Farr, there were a lot more human in Farr who moved away to other villages. They moved away because they learned of ships coming through. Farr had also been a port of call for all sorts of seafaring vessels. But, for some reason that was never known, the sea vessels stopped coming to Farr a very long time ago. There was no reason ever given, no explanation. It just was.

The villagers of Farr accepted this fact and went on with their daily lives. It was neither here nor there to the villagers if a sea vessel ever docked again in Farr. Farr offered plenty of adventures, fun, excitement and mysteries to keep the villagers happy for many generations to come. There were just as many reasons to stay as there were to go elsewhere.

One day, Farr received a telegram about the Sultan. This news brought great joy to the villagers. The village prepared for its arrival. Some decided they would stay in Farr, while others decided to board the Sultan and go on another adventure. “There were just as many reasons to stay as there were to go elsewhere.” said those who boarded the Sultan. “There are just as many reasons to stay, as there are to go elsewhere.” said those who stayed in Farr.

When the Sultan docked in Farr, passengers didn’t disembark. Only new passengers embarked. It was for this very same reason that some decided to stay while others decided to go on new adventures.

After several seasons, Farr received another telegram about the arrival of the Bulsa. Mr. Farr was on this sailboat with its big orange, yellow and white sails. Everyone was excited about this majestic ship.

When the Bulsa docked in Farr, only one passenger disembarked, and many others boarded the Bulsa. Mr. Fred disembarked the Bulsa. Mr. Fred arrived in Farr the morning of the village’s annual music and writer’s celebration. The Bulsa remained docked until the end of the festival, after which new passengers boarded the Bulsa.

At the end of that day, Farr’s population was now of 4 humans and 18 cats. Everyone had his or her very own reasons for staying and for going. It was all the same.

When Mr. Fred set eyes on Mrs. Gaga, he also saw Delilah. Delilah walked close to Mrs. Gaga.

The day after he moved into his big white house, Mr. Fred invited Mrs. Gaga and Delilah over for tea. It was during this first visit that Delilah had shared with Mrs. Gaga and Mr. Fred a dream she had had the night before.

Delilah had been so excited to be at the festival. It was her first Farr festival. That night she dreamt that she was singing and playing the piano at the Farr festival and then travelled the world, performing for different and larger audiences than Farr. Her face glowed and she smiled from ear to ear as she described every detail of her dream. She described the music she played, the songs she sang and the sound of her voice she didn’t know could ever come out of her little body. She described this dream as though she had actually lived every moment the night before. She described this dream as though she had been performing for real in front of an audience. Her entire being glowed; she shined bright inside and out.

But after telling her dream to Mrs. Gaga and Mr. Fred, Delilah shrugged it off as only a dream, a dream that could never come true because she didn’t know how to play the piano, write songs or sing.

Delilah listened intently as Mrs. Gaga reminded her of that day or that dream. “Delilah, our dreams illuminate a path for us.” said Mrs. Gaga. “Dreams are our visions, a portal to our highest self, the way forward.”

“How do we know this for certain?” asked Delilah.

“You want certainty?” replied Mrs. Gaga.

“I want to know what it is that I can do for real and what I cannot do for real. How could I have known that my dream was telling me something important? How could I have known that I was being shown my future?” asked Delilah.

“What do you consider real?” asked Mrs. Gaga.

Delilah sensed this discussion would grow into more questions than answers. Instead of asking more questions, she talked with Mrs. Gaga about what she had been feeling, sensing, and experiencing about music and singing before she ever came out and said that she wanted to learn how to play the piano and write songs. She shared this with Mrs. Gaga all the times, and she thought that she had heard a little voice in her about this and that, answers to questions, and guidance on what and what not to do.

“I don’t always listen, even after I ask a question.” said Delilah. “I probably could have arrived here, received what I asked for sooner than later, if only I had listened.”

Mrs. Gaga smiled at Delilah. “Shall we resume our lesson?”

Delilah looked up at the music sheet, placed her paws on the piano keys and resumed her solo performance. In a most angelic voice, she sang ‘Delilah’ in its entirety for the very first time. Her performance was flawless.

Do you believe that your dreams can come true? If your answer is no, why do you believe that your dreams will not come true? What story are you telling yourself? Why do you listen to stories that keep you out of your sphere, away from your highest self? Why do you listen to stories that keep you from moving forward? Why do you listen to stories that crush your soul? Does this bring you peace of mind? Does this bring you ease? Is this easier for you? Does this make your heart flutter when you think about all the self-defeating stories you listen to every moment of your life?

What if you changed this around for yourself, RIGHT NOW? SO … we can start by removing ‘what if’ from the previous sentence. Instead I AM CHANGING THIS AROUND FOR MYSELF RIGHT NOW!

Say the following out loud to yourself at least 100 times in front of the mirror or wherever you want to let it all out.

1. I believe in myself!

2. I believe my dreams are coming true. I am living them every moment of my life. I am living my dreams every moment of my life because every decision I make every moment of my life takes me closer and closer to these dreams … because my dreams are my journey and my journey never ends!

3. I listen only to stories that keep me in my sphere, that keep me closer and closer to my highest self!

4. I listen to stories that only move me forward!

5. I listen to stories that only brighten my soul!

6. Everything I say and do and AM brings me peace of mind!

7. Everything I say and do and AM is with ease!

8. Everything I say and do and AM for my highest self makes my heart flutter.

You may have forgotten this very important part of you … YOU HAVE A VOICE!

When you talk, you activate your voice.

When you listen, you activate your voice.

I know you have a voice. I know you want to be heard. I know you want to be seen. I know you want to be loved.

Let go and let God … and then nothing. You won’t find what you’re looking for in this book. The answer is within you!

Let go and let God … and then what you know = you discovered more about yourself from the first page of this book up to this current page. Can you image what more you will come to know when you continue beyond this book?

Let go and let God … and then be still = steady yourself, steady your mind, body and soul. Steady your voice for when it’s time to speak. Steady your voice for when it’s time to be silent.

Let go and let God … and then be = BE first what you ask for, BE first whatever it is you desire. There is no other way. Just…BE!

Let go and let God … and then listen = activate your voice; listen to it! If no one listens to you, then stop talking. There is no point in talking to those who don’t listen to you. The same goes for yourself — stop talking and asking for what you want if you are not listening to yourself.

When you listen, you activate your VOICE.

Now you can ACT.

DAY 6 ACTIVITIES

Let’s jump right into you doing something for yourself today. Listen to that voice. Listen to that gut feeling. Trust yourself!

1. Write what this voice is saying to you.

2. Write what you observe, ask, listen, what your gut feeling is telling you, what you are feeling. • Observe everything you do.

• Ask all the necessary questions you need to in order to get through your day. Now … let it go.

• Listen to what is said to you. Write down your questions. Write down the answers. Do what your gut feeling is telling you to do. Feel what it is you know you need to do … no matter what it is.

Yes, there will be some actions and decisions you will take that will have you shaking in your boots. That will have you absolutely terrified. This might be standing up for yourself. This might be saying no when you are always saying yes. This might be saying yes when you are always saying no. It can be all sorts of things in your day-to-day life that you have decided to keep and that are keeping you blocked from moving forward.

Write whatever it is that has you shaking in your boots.

Record this process anyway you like. Write it in your journal. Record your own video. Paint or draw the scene you are in at the present moment. Then paint or draw the scene you see when you think of the outcome you want. This can be done in writing as well. Allow yourself to explore this new experience of LISTENING.

Delilah had become acutely aware that attempting to chase what she wanted was a futile attempt because she knew she would never reach it. If she took a step forward, it took a step forward. If she stood still, be what she asked for, then that ‘thing’ she asked for would come to her.

Try this! Watch what happens. Experience this happening in your life. Feel this momentous occasion to be in a place of listening in order to RECEIVE.

Write what you see happening.

Write about the experience that is happening in your life.

Write about this momentous occasion and about what you are feeling during this momentous occasion.

Write the answers to these questions: • Do you believe that your dreams can come true?

• If you answer is no, why do you believe your dreams will not come true?

• What story are you telling yourself?

• Why do you listen to stories that keep you out of your sphere, away from your highest self?

• Why do you listen to stories that keep you from moving forward?

• Why do you listen to stories that crush your soul?

• Does this bring you peace of mind?

• Does this bring you ease?

• Is this easier for you?

  • Does this make your heart flutter when you think about all the self-defeating stories you listen to every moment of your life?

DAY 7…AND THEN ACT

… and then act. I was in between contracts. Well … I actually didn’t know that I was in between contacts. I was unemployed after being laid off from a job I had accepted in the Northwest Territories. Less than a year later, my position, along with a few hundred other positions, were made redundant. I had accepted a position to go back to Africa and bought a house in Ontario. On my way to Ontario, my African contract was cancelled. I was unemployed and had just purchased a new home. I wasn’t a happy camper. I was freaked out and stressed out. I moved into my house. Luckily I had a good stash of savings that I had built up over the past four years. That was not lucky, now was it? That was planning. Good financial planning. I had never been in a position or had a job where I could save so much money in four years. So I was very appreciative of this. At the last job I held in Africa before going to the Northwest Territories, I took actions to ensure that I wasn’t repeating old patterns that got me into trouble. Behaviour patterns that got me into situations I didn’t want to be in. I didn’t want to keep repeating the same stuff, only to end up in the same place again, which wasn’t anywhere near my highest self. It was driving me closer to my destructive self.

My next action was to find a life coach. I had had a life coach for about three years previously. I had been able to achieve a great deal in those three years. I knew when to start the coaching and I knew when to end it. I knew this by trusting myself, by listening to my gut feeling this time. I knew that if I didn’t make changes quickly that I would be going so far back backwards that it would be extremely difficult and close to impossible for me to take better steps forward. I knew that I didn’t decide to change and to commit to these changes, I wouldn’t be where I am today. I saw my future, I knew what I wanted, and I did what I had to do. I Let go and let God … and then, I ACTED.

I could only have acted by being still, by being what I wanted in my life, and by listening. All of this meant that I was trusting myself; that I believed in myself. In 18 months of being unemployed, I wrote a two book series The Adventures of Anuk: The First Leap, and The Adventures of Anuk: Book of Words, and a children series of ten colouring and activity books titled I Believe.

The Adventures of Anuk is an ecological story of an Assisi Human on a quest to save the world. The Adventures of Anuk: The First Leap — Despite her curious appearance as an Assisi Human, Anuk had a normal childhood and was happy living with her adopted parents in a faraway land, where three suns pass in the sky overhead. She loved collecting yamagoos berries in the fields and helping her mother run the kitchen at their inn. Then, on her 16th birthday, Anuk received a summon through the messenger Aye, who said that it was time to return to faraway Roese Island. Even though she was reluctant to leave her home and family, Anuk was assured by her parents that they always knew the time would come when she had to leave and fulfill her destiny as an Assisi. Two oddly unfamiliar looking non-human Beings, EagleOwl and Kinkajou arrived to escort Aye and Anuk, because the journey ahead would be arduous and fraught with danger. They would have to cross a great sea and pass through many partems, as the lands were called there. Some of these were barren regions of devastation and waste. Others were lush paradises that weren’t quite as they seemed, for their spectacular beauty concealed lethal secrets. Anuk realized that, even if she should survive these hazards, she had no idea what awaited her at the end of the journey. When young Anuk embarked on this enthralling adventure, she discovered the world beyond her parents’ inn was far more fantastic and dangerous than she could have ever imagined.

The Adventures of Anuk: Book of Words — Adorable Assisi Human Anuk, the Exploring Equine Human Hybrid embarks on a second life-changing journey to save the Orb’s Animal Beings from extinction. Guided by the mystical, priceless, and powerful Book of Words, Anuk and her faithful Crew risk everything while they trek to the underside of the Orb. With her loyal friends and new mentors, Anuk learns leadership as she confronts harsh truths about humanity, love and loss while navigating the joyful journey to personal power. Anuk discovers that it takes a universe to unite the Orb’s Animal Beings. By communicating from the soul with the Poach, the exterminators and life-long enemies of the Animal Beings, Anuk forges new alliances between Human Beings and Animal Beings. It has been six years since teenage explorer Anuk and her faithful Animal Being friends chased her destiny, crossing continents through a perilous post-apocalyptic world to the idyllic Roese Island. Now at 23, a more mature Anuk is prompted to leave the comfort of Roese Island to bring the mystical Book of Words back to its rightful owners. Risking life, limb and liberty, Anuk and her Crew of Animal Beings experience the wonders, secrets and the horrors of the brutal hunters whose greed destroyed entire species. Anuk: Book of Words informs, inspires and delights in equal measure.

The children colouring and activity book series I Believe is a journey of discovery and gratitude with amazing Animal Beings. The children go on a journey of self discovery with amazing horses Carlo and Teddy.

In those 18 months I had decided to Let go and let God … and then ACT — take ACTION for what I wanted to do. For where I wanted to go! For what I wanted to BE! The stories in my head would write themselves. I could use my VOICE … allowing my highest self to speak to me. I LISTENED. I ACTED.

I wrote and I wrote and I wrote. I held book-signing events. I developed a website — A Voice For Animals. I attended a screenwriter’s conference in Toronto. Following this, I took screenwriting courses. I wanted to learn as much as I could. I loved it, and still love it.

When I lived in the Northwest Territories, I joined a group of local writers called “NorthWords”. Just as I joined, they had a program where you could sign up for a writing mentor. I signed up immediately. I wanted to learn so much as I could because I was a self-taught writer. I was self-taught when I wrote How I Became a Dragon and Tragedy of Moth.

My mentor was Hayden from Ottawa. He was to mentor me for two weeks. He ended up mentoring me for two years. I could never thank him enough for what he taught me. I learned a great deal about what it takes to create a story, to develop characters, and so on. I saw myself completely transformed as a writer. I knew what I needed to keep that made me a unique writer … my style, and I knew what I needed to improve to make me a better writer … and I was willing to do it all without any resistance. I wanted change, and I did what was necessary to make this change happen.

The creative aspect of writing and spending time in the imaginary worlds I had created was the best part of this entire process for me. It’s my favourite part of being a writer. Then I had to get into the business of being a writer, of being a published author.

How I Became a Dragon and Tragedy of Moth were initially self-published on Amazon with the help of Create Space. I self-published for a couple years until I did a book signing event where I met a customer, a poet who had published with a publisher in Ottawa.

I listened to what he had to say. I wrote down the information and, when I got home, I immediately contacted the publisher. My books went from self-published to being published the publisher. Then followed The Adventures of Anuk series and the I Believe series.

When I decided to Let go and let God … and then nothing, what I know, so what, be still, then listen, and then act … things started to happen. These things didn’t all happen at once, and I was still feeling miserable and frightened a great deal of the time. But I kept at it. I also spent hours and hours job hunting. I sent hundreds of CVs to every potential employer. I believe it’s important to keep working while you build your dream. Don’t get yourself in a big financial hole for your dream. I don’t believe that this is the way to go about it. By working and making money to support your dream, you are not telling the universe that you don’t believe in your dream. It’s saying to your highest self, as well as to the universe, that you are doing what is required to make your dream come true. The only way of knowing your future is to create it yourself. No one out there can tell you what that will be. Not even me — — even with all my visions and the ‘others’ speaking to me, guiding and helping me along the way. This is the way God, the universe … whatever those are … communicate to me.

Whatever spiritual beliefs you have … that is how your highest self, your God … speaks to you, guides you and is there for you. Always!

ACT when you know you must act. You feel this moment. Don’t hesitate. When you hesitate, you doubt yourself. You poo poo all over yourself. You poo poo all over your dream! Believe in what you have come to know and when you come to know differently, and then do and act differently. But until then… ACT when you are being guided by your highest self. Trust in your own process. Trust in your own self!

Delilah continued to play her little travel piano in the rose field. She remained on the edge of the rose field, never walking any further than that, never approaching the brilliant pond at the centre of the field. The caterpillar also never paid her much attention in spite of how well Delilah sang and played the piano for him.

Then, one day, Delilah went to the field without her travelling piano. Instead, she decided to just bring herself. She wanted so badly to speak with the caterpillar. She wanted to learn everything there was about caterpillars.

That morning after her piano lessons, Delilah told Mrs. Gaga that she wouldn’t be returning for lunch. Today, she would have lunch with the caterpillar in the rose field. Mrs. Gaga was delighted to hear that Delilah was trying something new again. Every day since their tea and pie visit, Mrs. Gaga and Delilah learned one new thing and did something different every day, no matter how big or small. This was a game they enjoyed playing every day. This game had broadened their mind, increased their knowledge and brought more fun and play into their lives. They couldn’t have imagined that all the changes they had come to experience would come from such a small change.

Mrs. Gaga packed a lunch for both Delilah and the caterpillar. Delilah thanked Mrs. Gaga and off she went to the rose field with her lunch bag.

On her way to the rose field, Delilah saw Mr. Bohe who lived in the green house and Mrs. Rhap who lived in the silver house. Mr. Bohe and Mrs. Rhap were the caretakers of the rose field. They looked after the gates, and walked the field every day in case any animal or plant was in need of something. But overall, they were just there to be available should the rose field require their help with anything.

The other 17 cats did what they did every day as well. Some liked to spend their day in the rose field as well. It just happened that, on that day, there was a fish stew contest at one of the cats’ house. Delilah opted not to attend, but instead she went to the rose field. She was happy with her decision because she seldom ever saw Mr. Bohe and Mrs. Rhap since they were always out and about doing something here and there. Today was her lucky day. She had the opportunity to walk with them to the rose field.

“Good morning Mr. Bohe and Mrs. Rhap.” said Delilah. “How are you doing today? It’s a lovely morning.”

“Good morning Delilah.” said Mr. Bohe and Mrs. Rhap.

“Can I join you on the way to the rose field?” asked Delilah.

“Of course you can.” replied Mr. Bohe.

Delilah walked in between Mr. Bohe and Mrs. Rhap, with her tail way up high. She was very happy to be spending time with both of them. It was a great occasion for Delilah because there was so much she had heard about them, but in reality, she knew very little about them. This would be the first day she would start to get to know Mr. Bohe and Mrs. Rhap a little more.

As they walked to the rose field, Delilah asked Mr. Bohe and Mrs. Rhap many questions. She asked them about the rose field, about the houses they lived and about the villagers that once lived in Farr before she was born.

Then she asked them about the caterpillar in the rose field. She asked them about what a caterpillar was. Why did the caterpillar spend most of its time on its own? Why didn’t it pay her any attention?

But just like talking with Mrs. Gaga, Mr. Bohe and Mrs. Rhap replied to her questions with other questions. The questions seemed to all be the same question in the end because Delilah realized that all of her questions seemed to be pretty much the same as well. She wanted to know about caterpillars by asking Mr. Bohe and Mrs. Rhap instead of asking a caterpillar.

Delilah realized that Mr. Bohe and Mrs. Rhap hinted that going directly to the source would probably be more helpful. Delilah knew that meant she would have to be patient, observe her subject, and learn. This required nothing more to do other than to determine what she already knew, to define what she was going to learn … and then what you know, and then so what … what would she do with this information, this new knowledge, and be still with this new discovery, let this new-found knowledge be received and see what she really learned, and then be … be the caterpillar to understand and get to know what it is to be a caterpillar … how else could you really know? And then, ACT … act as though you want to know and learn something different. Be interested in something else. Be interested in something that brings you closer to your highest self. Be interested! Being interested makes you interesting.

Delilah had come to understand all of this. She had come to understand that you could say whatever you wanted, but if you did nothing about it, you had done nothing. Words are just words … but action must follow to give words meaning.

At the rose field arches, Mr. Bohe and Mrs. Rhap parted ways and wished Delilah a great day.

What actions have you taken today to make a small change in your life? According to you, what is the action or what are the actions that you know must be carry out in order to bring you one step closer to your highest self? Are you stepping in and out of your sphere without being aware of it? Are you stepping in and out sphere whilst you are fully aware of these decisions, no matter how ‘good’ or how ‘bad’ it is for you?

Just like in the children colouring and activity book series I Believe, I invite you to participate in the following activities. Act as if you were just a kid again. Have fun with this. Learn about yourself through play and laughter. Be brave to be a fun person again, to be a playful person again, to be the child or have the childhood you never had, the child and that childhood you would like to be and have again.

Let’s begin Most importantly — have fun Remember to smile Remember to laugh Remember to be curious and ask questions Remember to believe in yourself

Say out loud 10 times — I BELIEVE IN MYSELF

For the next 30 days

1. Draw a picture of your dreams. This could be of any dream you have. Let your imagination soar all over your Believe and Dream page.

2. Playtime will involve writing a one-page story. Each day, you will write about what you see for yourself. You will read about what it is you see for yourself. Then you will write any story on how you imagine that you can make this dream come true. Go wherever your imagination takes you.

3. Write ‘I am afraid of … and this is what I will do about it so I am no longer afraid.” Let your imagination take you anywhere it wants to take you!

4. Write one thing you want to learn. Write what you need to do to learn what interests you, and write what you will do to make certain you learn it. Explore the imagination of your mind.

5. Write one thing you have said or done that you know has hurt or made a person or animal cry. It can be something you didn’t mean to do — like an accident. Or it can be something you meant to say or do that hurt or made someone or an animal cry. Write a) What did you say or do?

b) What you will say or do to show that you accept responsibility. c) What you will say and do to correct things / make things right? — show the kindness and true goodness that you have inside you.

d) The outcome, how the other person or animal responded to you for taking responsibility for what you said and did.

e) What you would do differently next time you are in the same situation again where you want to say or do something that will hurt or make someone or an animal cry, but you decided to do and say something that is good and kind instead?

f) How do you feel when you do and say the good and kind things that make a person or animal smile and laugh and feel good?

6. Write a song. Play a musical instrument for 30 minutes a day. Learn how to write your own music, and write a song on how your music can help someone else. Remember … let your imagination take you anywhere it wants to take you!

7. Write about a challenge / difficulty / adversity / sad situation you have had to face and how you overcame it. And write about a challenge / difficulty / adversity / sad situation you are facing right now and what you have decided to do to overcome it. Again, remember to let your imagination take you anywhere it wants to take you!

8. For the next 60 days … once a day, write what you are most thankful and appreciative for in your life. It can be big or small. It can be anything you want to be thankful and appreciative for. Also write what you will do, and be thankful and appreciative that you can help humans better coexist and live in harmony with one another and with the animals. Again, remember to let your imagination take you anywhere it wants to take you!

DAY 7 ACTIVITIES

Write the answer to these questions:

• What actions have you taken today to make a small change in your life?

• What action or actions you know must be done in order to take you one step closer to your highest self?

• Are you stepping in and out of your sphere without knowing it?

• Are you stepping in and out of your sphere, fully aware of these decisions, no matter how ‘good’ or how ‘bad’ it is for you?

Continue with your 30 days of fun activities listed on the previous pages — — remember to have fun — — smile and laugh — — learn about yourself through play and laughter!

DAY 8…AND THEN FLOW

Delilah crossed the rose field arches a different cat that morning. She looked out at the rose field with different eyes. She saw a completely different field. With her lunch bag, she walked to her usual rose bush in search of caterpillar. Caterpillar was nowhere to be found. Delilah sat in the grass, quietly observing her new surroundings.

Birds flew above and all around her. They perched in the rose bush next to her, singing their songs. Other birds flew over the pond in the centre of the rose field. Delilah had only walked the periphery of the rose field. She never walked any further. She thought she didn’t know why she resisted the call of the pond, the flowers further afield, and the insects singing out to her.

Delilah remembered the first time she had visited the edge of the rose field. She was just a kitten at the time. She was a very tiny kitten; smaller than the average size for a kitten. Everything around her then seemed very big. She felt as though she was living amongst giants. Giant people, giant cats, giant trees, a giant house, giant everything.

Now an adult cat, Delilah was still smaller than the average adult cat in size. But this time, she didn’t feel like she was living amongst giants. She had come to understand that this was her perception and that the people, other cats, trees, and everything else, were not giants. She was just different than them. They were different from her. There was no more to it other than that.

Delilah wondered why caterpillar had not come out today. She looked everywhere around the rose bush for caterpillar. After looking for while, Delilah stretched out on her stomach to explore what she could find in the grass.

The grass had been warmed by the sun. It felt good to lie there with her tummy against the warm grass. She hadn’t ever really noticed the warm grass before. Amongst the blades of grass, she observed many different insects. They were of all shapes and sizes. She had never noticed them before either. She felt what Mrs. Gaga calls … being in the flow.

Delilah listened to many of the conversations between Mr. Fred and Mrs. Gaga about “letting go and letting God … and then flow”. She didn’t understand what this meant until just now. Delilah was exploring the limits of her imagination. She was allowing herself to BE, to BE in the moment, to BE present, to just BE. She was listening to what her highest self was saying to her.

Delilah embraced this present moment that gave her the opportunity to just listen, to act on what she felt, and to let herself flow from one momentous occasion to the next. Being in the flow allowed her mind, body and soul to drift from one experience to the next.

The next thing she knew, she was looking at her reflection. Delilah had explored her way to the pond that was located in the centre of the rose field. She jumped up onto her feet. She looked around. She was far from the rose field arches. It was no longer morning. It was midday. The sun was high in the sky.

Delilah looked back down into the water. She stared at her reflection staring back at her. She barely recognized herself. She looked closer. “How is that?” said Delilah. She looked closer. Her reflection did the same thing. She pulled back. Her reflection mimicked her every move. She played around with her reflection for a while. She ran around the very large pond sneaking peaks at herself here and there.

Delilah ran faster and faster around the pond. She ran back to the rose field arch and then back to the pond. She ran to the other side of the rose field and back to the pond. She ran everywhere and then back to the pond.

“The rose field is not as big as I thought.” said Delilah.

“Good afternoon Delilah.” said Mr. Bohe. Mr. Bohe carried his shovel and walked towards Delilah. “I see you have found one of the many treasures of the rose field.”

“Treasure?” asked Delilah.

“Yes, there are many treasures to be discovered in the rose field.” said Mrs. Rhap. She followed Mr. Bohe.

“The rose field pond is one of Farr’s greatest mysteries.” said Mrs. Rhap.

“Why is that?” said Delilah.

“Because whether it rains or not, the pond is always filled with water. It has never gone dry in hundreds and hundreds of years.” said Mrs. Rhap. “That’s just the way it is.”

“I never noticed that the pond was always filled with water when it didn’t rain for a very long time.” said Delilah. “I always noticed its glitter in the middle of the field.”

“Did you ask caterpillar about caterpillar?” said Mr. Bohe.

“No. I cannot find caterpillar.” said Delilah. “I searched everywhere for him.”

“Well … there is another mystery and treasure for you to discover.” said Mr. Bohe. “What will you do to find caterpillar and learn more about him?”

“I will keep exploring the rose field every day until I find caterpillar.” added Delilah. “I also want to learn how the pond keeps its water all the time. There are many things I want to know now about this rose field. I didn’t know there would so much to explore. I love hearing the sounds of the insects, the birds, the wind and everything else around me. My imagination is taking control of my thoughts. It’s creating music as I listen to every sound. I can see the music notes in my mind. I will write down everything I am hearing and seeing when I get back home later today. I’m composing as I flow through this rose field. The music is flowing right through me. I can’t stop it. It’s amazing!”

“We are looking forward to your first public concert at the next Farr festival.” said Mrs. Rhap.

“Me too.” said Delilah. “It’s very exciting to feel and live the creation of a dream, to see it come alive.”

“Enjoy the rest of your day!” said Mrs. Rhap. “We will continue with our work.”

“Thank you, and you.” said Delilah. Delilah watched Mr. Bohe and Mrs. Rhap walk away into the bush, until they were out of sight. She had never noticed that Mrs. Rhap walked with a skip in her step and that Mr. Bohe danced when he walked.

The creation of my life as writer didn’t flow at the beginning because I wasn’t Letting GO and Letting God … and then everything we talked about up to this point in this book. The creation of my life as a writer began to flow when I accepted that I was a writer. Prior to that, I was waiting to be accepted by others as a writer. I ignored what I was being told by my highest self. I placed all sorts of judgement on myself, the process of being self-published, and the fact that I was stupid and a terrible writer because of my poor grammar and spelling.

I believed that self-publishing was of lower value than being published because it wasn’t acknowledged or recognized by someone else. I gave so much power to others and so little value to myself. I didn’t believe that being self-published held any worth or value to me as a writer, even when I self-published. I believed this until I ‘woke up’ and stopped believing all the stories that crushed my soul instead of raising my spirit.

I realized that I didn’t need to get validation from someone to make me feel good, to make me feel that I was a good writer. I realized I would never get this until I believed that I was a good writer and a good storyteller. It became clear to me that what others believe about you happens because it’s what you show others, what you show the world. Others are only there to reflect back to you what you project.

I had also quickly come to learn that I wasn’t interested in critics that provided no value to my growth as a person or a writer. I wanted to learned and hear everything from everyone and anyone who would help me grow, not criticize me.

When I let myself flow as a writer, I became free. I was free to be myself and to write what I wanted, and how I wanted to write it. This permission I gave myself to FLOW as a writer transcended into all other aspects of my life.

I was a scared little girl most of my adult life. Not anymore. Those days are done and over with. This flow has brought me to the gentle, quiet and peaceful place of my soul. I remembered this place from when I was a little girl, before my 7th or 8th birthday. Then everything got loud and messed up. Why? Well … that’s the entire story. I believed others and that was that. Most of the time, I knew what I had to do, but sometimes, I just didn’t. I did what I knew I had to do some of the time. I did what I felt I needed to do to survive.

Being in the flow of my life is not having to survive anymore. Being in the flow of my life gave me all the range I needed to LIVE…to be ALIVE.

You, me, and Delilah are one and the same, are we not? We all want the same things. Do we not? And whatever it is that is different … how are we embracing it?

What anger, fear and frustration are you clinging to every moment of your life? Is every breath you take in the flow or not even close to it?

This story is a simple story. There is nothing complex about any of this. A decision has to be made. Either you make it or you don’t. Which is it going to be?

I could fill these pages with examples taken from my life, illustrating my journey from … and then nothing to … and then flow, but that would be pointless. That would be pointless because my life is my life, and your life is yours, is it not? But there is no doubt that we can all learn from one another. The mystery of my life had to be unravelled the way it was. There were many forks on the road, giving me options to go left or right. There were many choices presented for one question, and I ignored every single one of them. There were many momentous occasions, spectacular experiences where I gave zero thanks or appreciation. There were all sorts of this and that that I could kick myself for. But what’s the point in that?

The point in that is to acknowledge the fact that I was an idiot on more than one occasion. I was a coward in my own life. I was terrified of being myself. I was terrified of being judged. I was terrified of being unemployed. I was terrified of being punished for looking after myself. And the list goes on and on …

How well do you know this person I am describing? I’m certain you know this person all too well. If you don’t know this person all too well … why is that?

At what point in your life will you give yourself permission to FLOW?

Remember to FLOW with EASE!

Your daily FLOW exercises

1. Go do something you have never done before. For example, observe with ease all the colours in the produce department of your grocery store.

2. Talk with someone you always wanted to talk to but always avoided because you are just too much of a big chicken. Let go of your fears and the belief that this person will judge you. Just think of all the stuff you put on someone else when you project your stuff onto them …

3. Eat something very healthy for yourself, something you believe you don’t like. Find a recipe that you enjoy making with this food and invite your friends over for dinner. Experience this food that you normally don’t like but that is good for you in a completely different way, in a different setting, with a different mindset.

4. Go to a park, a place with trees, grass — a place that is not a concrete jungle. Stay there for at least 1 hr. Stay there by yourself and watch the world around you. Feel the air. Smell everything. Let the insects come to you. Let the animals come to you. Just be still and wait. Just be present with the natural world around you, even if this is your back yard.

5. … and then listen … and then act — — flow. Know that you don’t need to do anything more. Trust in the process. Trust in yourself. Watch what happens around you and to you. Feel this excitement. Feel the change.

6. List all the changes in yourself and in your life since you started reading this book and participated in the activities. What have you noticed?

7. What is the most significant change in your life and with you?

8. Imagine yourself floating effortlessly in a pool of salt water. This can be what BEING IN THE FLOW feels to you. Find what that BEING IN THE FLOW feeling is for you. Don’t stop looking until you find the answer. Don’t give up on yourself. GIVE YOURSELF AN “UP” INSTEAD.

DAY 8 ACTIVITIES

1. What are your thoughts on this statement “You, me, and Delilah are one and the same. Are we not? We all want the same things. Do we not? And whatever it is that is different … how are we embracing it?” What feelings vibrate within you when you read this?/Why are you experiencing these feelings?

2. What anger, fear and frustration are you clinging on to every moment of your life? Is every breath you take in the flow or not even close to the flow?

3. This story is a simple story. There is nothing complex about any of this. A decision has to be made. Either you make it or you don’t.

a. Which is it? Which decision or decisions are you avoiding?

b. Why are you avoiding making them?

c. Which decision or decisions are you afraid to make?

d. Why are you afraid to make this decision or decisions?

e. What do you believe will happen if you make the decision or decisions?

f. What is the best thing that will happen if you make this decision or these decisions?

4. I could fill these pages with examples taken from my life illustrating my journey from … and then nothing to … and then flow, but that would be pointless. That would be pointless because my life is my life, and your life is your life, is it not? But there is no doubt that we can all learn from one another. a. Up to this point, what have you learne from reading this book?

b. What did you learn about yourself by learning about someone else’s life?

c. What can others teach you?

d. What can you teach others?

e. What have you kept from others that you don’t want them to know?

f. What are the reasons you have kept this from others?

g. What will happen if you ‘expose’ yourself to others?

h. What will happen if you ‘expose’ yourself to YOURSELF?

5. The mystery of my life had to be unravelled the way it was. There were many forks in the road that gave me options to go left or right. There were many choices presented for one question, of which I ignored every single one. There were many momentous occasions, spectacular experiences where I gave zero thanks or appreciation. There were all sorts of this and that that I could kick myself for. But what’s the point in that? The point in that is to acknowledge the fact that I was an idiot on more than one occasion. I was a coward in my own life. I was terrified of being myself. I was terrified of being judged. I was terrified of being unemployed. I was terrified of being punished for looking after myself. It goes on and on …

a. Write your own story … The Mystery of My Life …

b. What were the momentous occasions and spectacular experiences you ignored and gave no thanks or appreciation for?

c. What will you now do differently?

d. What will you acknowledge going forward and say thank you and show your appreciation for?

6. How well do you know this person I am describing? I’m certain you know this person all too well. If you don’t know this person all too well … then why?

7. At what point in your life will you give yourself permission to FLOW?

a. Write about the life you see for yourself while BEING IN THE FLOW.

b. What did you learn about this new you, this real you?

c. Why is she or he so different from the person you thought she or he was all of this time?

d. How will you BE this REAL YOU forever … knowing your journey is infinite?

DAY 9…AND THEN LET GO

Once you let go and let God… and then nothing, you realized that in order to make any change happen in your life, you must accept to buckle down and do the work.

… and then what you know — another realization is that you knew so little about whatever there was out there to know about, and even less about yourself. Then poof … just like that, you now know more about yourself because you started doing the work.

… and then be still — yep! Stop running after what it is that you want in your life. Be still. Let it land in your lap. You have started the work. Trust in the process. Let the cake bake. Get out of your own way to receive what you asked for.

… and then listen — you know that inner voice all too well. Stop ignoring it! Be quiet in order to let your voice be heard.

… and then act — you know what you need to do. Listen to that inner voice. Your words have no meaning until you act on them.

… and then flow — ride the wave of receiving. Are you ready to receive?

… and then let go!

Let go of all of it!

I wrote this book Let go and let God … and then what? because I felt compelled to write it. I received a message from that inner voice, from that mysterious place we know as our highest self, to write this book. I received the title like a flashing motel vacancy sign Let go and let God … and then what?

At that moment, that very momentous occasion presented to me with, what I felt, should be written on the pages of this book. I didn’t know every word, but I had a sense of what would be written. In seconds, I wrote the title of the ten chapters.

I started writing immediately. Then I stopped. I stopped because I didn’t listen and didn’t go through the process described in this book. I hesitated because of fear, doubt and judgement from others.

Before writing this book, I was on chapter 5 of book 3 The Adventures of Anuk. Then I stopped. I didn’t feel like I wanted to keep on writing that story. Then I had the vision to write this story.

Before I started writing, I had no idea that Delilah would be introduced. Everything that is written came to me as I was writing it. I trusted this. I listened. I let it flow. I got out of its way. I wrote for days and days non-stop. I loved every moment of it. I loved where the story was taking me. I loved the weaving in and out of the Delilah fable. I was having fun!

You don’t always know what will come next when that voice — YOUR VOICE — speaks to you and guides you on to your next step. All you need to know is that you need to take a step, and take action to get to the next step. Follow your bliss. Follow your heart. Follow the process. And don’t worry! You will never get there because your journey never ends. Remember — your destination is just an excuse for the journey. So enjoy and let go!

Had I ignored my inner voice I wouldn’t be the writer I am today. Had I ignored my inner voice I wouldn’t be my REAL ME. As a writer I learned to let go of my fears that come with being a writer. You have fears with whatever it is you are deciding for yourself right now in your life. The journey to the REAL YOU will be bumpy, will be scary, will evoke all sorts of good and not-so-good feelings in you — but so what?

Let go and let God … AND LET GO. Don’t hang on so tight to all that stuff that keeps you back. Don’t hang on to all that stuff that scares you so much. LET GO of all the hard work that you have undertaken to move your life forward. Enjoy the change. Feel your way through your new experiences. Feel the momentous occasions in every moment of your day.

BE TRANSFORMED by letting go.

Delilah returned to the rose field every day in search of caterpillar. Each day she brought lunch for caterpillar in the hopes that she would find it.

One day, Delilah saw an orange caterpillar. The orange caterpillar had the same body shape and behaved just like the red one, so she figured that it was a caterpillar as well. That day, she learned that there were different types of caterpillars.

Delilah watched the orange caterpillar all day. Later that day, she witnessed something she had never seen before. Months had passed since she first saw the red caterpillar. She had never seen anything like this since she first saw the red one.

The orange caterpillar stopped eating. Delilah watched the orange caterpillar hang upside down from a twig and spin itself into a silky cocoon. Delilah waited. She waited some more. Nothing else happened.

“That’s where the red caterpillar must be.” thought Delilah.

Delilah ran around the rose bush where she had first seen the red caterpillar. She searched and searched for a cocoon just like the orange caterpillar’s. Then, at the far end of the branch, tucked away in the thick of the bush, Delilah found her treasure.

Delilah gently parted the bush’s leaves and branches. She got up close to the cocoon. There it was. There was the friend that she had been searching for all this time. She had no idea what was going to happen next, but she was willing to wait.

The sun was setting over Farr. It would be dark soon, and Delilah knew she needed to get back to her house. She had brought no provisions to spend the night in the rose field.

Delilah wanted to know everything there was to know about caterpillar. She ran home as fast as she could. She prepared a basket of food to last her for days. She packed her bedding and anything else she needed to spend the next few days and nights in the rose field with her friend, the red caterpillar.

Before the sun had completely set on Farr, Delilah was back in the rose field under the rose bush, next to the red caterpillar’s cocoon. That first night, she watched and waited, and tried to stay awake all night. She dosed off, on and off.

The next morning, she ran to the orange caterpillar’s cocoon. Nothing had changed with the orange caterpillar. It was still in its cocoon. Delilah went back and forth between the orange caterpillar’s cocoon to the red caterpillar’s cocoon. Everything remained the same.

One day, Delilah woke up earlier. The red caterpillar was still in its cocoon. She ran to the orange caterpillar. Something was different. She watched patiently. The orange caterpillar’s cocoon was moving.

The cocoon vibrated faster and faster. Then suddenly popped out a wing, then another wing. And then … there was a whole new being looking back at Delilah. The orange butterfly spread its wings under the warm morning sun.

Delilah ran back to the red caterpillar. Its cocoon had remained still. Delilah kept her eyes on the cocoon all day and all night. She waited like she had never waited for any else in her life.

The next morning, the sun shined bright onto the rose bush. Delilah settled comfortably beneath the red cocoon. Then, suddenly, the red cocoon began to vibrate just as the orange cocoon had done. Right before her eyes, a red butterfly dangled from the twig. Delilah was speechless.

During this momentous occasion, Delilah let go of her expectations to want the red caterpillar to pay her some kind of attention. She had forgotten all about why the caterpillar wasn’t paying any attention to her. Then she realized that the caterpillar had fallen twice on her. Even though it didn’t speak as she does, the caterpillar was doing everything it could to get Delilah to notice it. But Delilah interpreted that experience differently.

Observing the transformation from a caterpillar to a cocoon was like music to Delilah’s eyes and all of her other senses. Within moments, she composed music to this process. She composed lyrics for the song she would sing at the festival. It was all so easy. It was all done with ease. It flowed naturally through her. It held no set expectations. She allowed the magic to unfold before her very eyes. She let go of what she thought could happen. There were no certainties about the outcome. She had set her intentions on discovering the mysteries and the treasures of the rose field, and she did that very well.

She had witnessed the caterpillars move, wobble, crawl, and creep on the roses, turning their expressive filaments and twisting their torso like trapeze artists she had once seen in a book, up to the magical moment when the caterpillar became a butterfly.

Let go and let God … and then let go… will have a different meaning for every person reading this book. Only you will know what will be the best meaning for you. If it feels good … then that is what you must do. If it feels bad… then that is what you must not do.

A butterfly’s lifecycle includes four stages of life. All butterflies go through a complete metamorphosis. In order to grow into an adult, they go through four stages: egg, larva, pupa and adult. Like a butterfly, we all experience different stages of life.

What do you think would happen between the four stages of the butterfly’s life if it didn’t allow for each stage to do what it needs to do, in the time it takes to do it? There wouldn’t be any butterfly. That’s the simple answer.

So, why do we — humans — interfere with our natural growth? Is the transformation from egg to butterfly not the same as our transformation to our highest self? Can it be that easy? Really, can it be that easy?

In order to get there, how much of our “stuff” do we need to let go in order to allow ourselves to settle into our journey with ease? Remember — focus on your intent, not on what you don’t want — but on what you want — who you want to BE, and how you want to feel — but you need to feel this before you ask for it, and before you RECEIVE IT … because your destination is only an excuse for the journey … one that is infinite.

Surround yourself only with the exquisite. Not junk.

As I said earlier … this is a simple story, whether you are reading Let go and let God … and then what? or Delilah’s journey.

Write your own story … be a legend in the making!

DAY 9 ACTIVITIES

I invite you to write your own Delilah’s Journey story from start to finish.

DAY 10…AND THEN BEGIN AGAIN

My infinite journey to my highest self remains one of daily amazement. You will have discovered by now that the answers you are seeking, the mystery you are unravelling, and all that you are looking for comes from within you, and not from within the pages of this book or any other book. This book and any other book, whatever the genre, may ignite something in you to Let go and let God … and then ALL SORTS OF THINGS.

What I have come to learn on my personal journey is that Letting go and letting God … AND THEN BEGINNING AGAIN is part of the journey because, as we know, it is an infinite journey. The destination is only an excuse for the journey. I feel that it’s important to repeat this because, sometimes, we need to be reminded of certain things over and over again.

Decide for yourself what is EXQUISITE and what is JUNK. Start over and over again … and then nothing to … and then start all over again. It’s ok to do this. It’s ok to learn and relearn and relearn again. It’s ok to see yourself tumble, and it’s even more wonderful to see yourself get back up. It’s OK to fall flat on your face because now you know how it’s done. Now you know what not to do. Now you know there is even more room to discover what can and will do. Now you become an even greater explorer of your true self, of your soul, of your highest self. You enter your sphere to wiggle around in there for a while, and maybe you stay there forever, but maybe you stumble out a bit for a while, and the great thing is that you can get right back on top of things.

No one is in control of your creation but you! Only you can decide which colour to splash around on your personal canvass. No one but you is the creator of your life. No one but you is the creator of YOU.

You arrived into this world as you are. Then all sorts of things happened from that first day up until now. Some of it was of your own making. Some of it was not. Whichever it was — you are still the creator of everything you decide, whether it is of your own making or not. Don’t give your creation away to anyone else. They don’t deserve it. No one deserves your amazing power of creation. No one has the right to try and take your amazing power of creation away from you.

Your amazing power of creation is what guides you in everyday life. You can call this your God, the Universe, or whatever and whoever you pray to. But remember… you are the creator of your own life. You are the creator of every decision you make, no matter what is happening or what has happened.

Be the captain of your own ship. The Sultan or the Londo … who do you think was the captain of those sea vessels? Since I was the creator of that story, I decided that each passenger was the captain of the ship they boarded. You may have a completely different answer — and that’s ok.

You decide how the story is written, how it starts, what happens in between and whether there is an ending or not. This ship can sail around the world forever and anywhere else the captain decides to set the course.

All I know is that my journey as a writer played the biggest part in the creation of my own life. This was my choice. I made the decision because it felt good. No matter what I had to learn to get into the ‘writing’ world in order to make a living from this … I am willing to do it. I am willing to do it because it’s part of the journey I have decided to undertake.

My success — how I define my success as a writer, is my personal definition. This success didn’t just fall out of the sky and poof… here I am! A writer who makes millions of dollars. No … this is not the case at all. I am writer because I love BEING a writer.

I create stories and I let go, and then I start all over again. I create another story and let go and let God … and start all over again … and on and on it goes. It goes on forever.

I love my life as a writer, even when I have to work at another job to pay the bills and support my life as a writer. I am still a successful writer. I am a successful writer because I WRITE. I CREATE STORIES. I TAKE ACTION… otherwise, the stories in my head have no meaning to anyone else but me … and BEING A WRITER, I want to share my stories with others. I want to share my stories with others because they’re mine … and then what I know … and then so what? to now … and then let go and … then start all over again.

When I decided to BE A WRITER … I had to learn what was required for me to write. It didn’t matter whether I wrote only for myself and kept all my writing material to myself. I was still a writer. But I decided that I wanted to do more, and I decided what I wanted to write about and what I wanted to do as a writer. This book is one of those decisions, as were all of my other books.

Whatever it is you decide you want to BE … you must take a first step and BE just that. If you want to be an accountant, then start being an accountant. Do whatever you need to do in your own private life to become an accountant. Then take another step. Then take courses. Then continue in that direction. But make the decision to take the first step, and then ACT and so on and so forth.

The same goes for whatever profession you decide for yourself. Don’t wait for something X, Y, Z to happen … make it happen yourself! And I say — profession — this journey as a writer is my calling — my reason for being — my passion — and so is my ‘job’ — — it’s all part of it! Remember… the story you tell yourself is what gets you stepping forward from the start line.

We have many start lines in all that we decide, each day of our lives. Not everything we decide is at the same start line. So… go with the flow… explore each one and do one action at a time, one day at a time … focus your attention on your intention.

FOCUS YOUR ATTENTION ON YOUR INTENTION … say this out loud as often as you need. I FOCUS MY ATTENTION ON MY INTENTION.

How does this feel when you say this to yourself?

After talking to my friend Christina, I decided that I would stop setting goals for myself. She inspired me to focus my attention on my intention. When I began doing this, I felt lighter. I felt good. It made more sense to me.

Focusing my attention on my intention is different than setting goals for myself because I feel like it’s easier. My energy is dispersed and used with ease. I am looking at the infinite greater picture of my life as a human female for whatever time I have on this Earth.

My intention is to feel good. My intention is to laugh. My intention is to love. My intention is to be loved. My intention is to create. My intention is to write. My intention is to whatever I desire … and on and on it goes.

My intention is also to experience financial abundance … My intention is also to experience my dream home … My intention is also to … and on and on it goes as well …

I am just like you. I want certain things out of life. But what I experience now is my intention — and that is different than setting a goal.

Focusing my attention on my intention allows me to experience and live my INTENTION every moment of my life. I am not waiting for it to happen and to feel a certain way. I am FEELING what it feels like to RECEIVE already … in all that I ‘INTEND’ to have in my life. There is no more waiting around no matter how many actions I take and how many questions I ask.

The focus I place on my intention is in the here and now … what I have asked for has already occurred because I decided that I am living it right now … and I keep moving in that direction because this journey is infinite.

I Let go and let God … and then begin again … INFINITY.

DAY 10 ACTIVITIES

Where do you see yourself at this very moment of your life — right now, as you read this sentence?

How do you feel about where you are right now?

Why do you feel this way right now?

How do you want to feel right now?

Did you set a New Year’s goal? How can you transform this goal or goals in order to … focus your attention on your intention(s)?

I invite you to take a moment to reflect on the stories you have unravelled while reading this book. What are you willing to start over in your own personal journey? What are you willing to do for infinity? What do these questions mean to you?

Yesterday — What decision did you take that brought you to this book?

Yesterday — What decision did you take in order to do something different in order to get you over that start line?

Yesterday — What decision did you take in order to keep you behind that start line?

Yesterday — What decision did you take in order to do whatever it is that you want to do to BE the REAL YOU?

Today — What action(s) will you take towards infinity?

BEGIN AGAIN…DAY X…THIS IS FOR YOU TO DECIDE

ENJOY EACH DAY

THANK YOU FOR JOINING ME ON THIS JOURNEY

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Self Improvement
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Spirituality
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