The Boating Life

Lessons From a Near Octogenarian on How To Stay Limber

It helps to have two knee replacements — they can’t wear out

Lesson One

Marry a boat-loving man

Many months of living on a boat will follow.

Boat living has excellent opportunities for slips and falls. But, if careful, those potential slips and falls can turn you into an agile, limber, flexible, and sprightly person. I love that word sprightly. It’s so suited to us octogenarians.

Boat living

There are steps and stretches from the dock to the boat and the reverse when required. These can be of considerable size. A grip on the boat railing to hoist yourself onto the boat helps as an upper body workout.

Suppose a fair wind blows, and you are on a floating dock with the boat rocking. In that case, the balancing part of your workout increases exponentially.

Once on the boat’s gunnel — that side walkway bit that runs around the boat — a decent step gets you into the lounge area. The entrance might be a minefield littered with dog toys. It would help if you took this step with eyes wide open and the ability to change course.

Sidesteps are good. It challenges your balance. A nimble sidestep could be required to avoid tripping over dog toys — or a welcoming dog with a squeaky toy.

From here, think stairs. Stairs up and stairs down. Suppose you need something in the pantry. Down you go. Should you want to sit and read on the flybridge. Up you go. When you want to go to bed, down you go. Your life consists of ascending and descending stairs.

And everywhere, there are railings and no shame in holding on.

Lesson Two

Adopt a near-octogenarian dog

Preferably a lightweight. Mine weighs five pounds. Age unknown — estimated to be eight years.

Octogenarian dogs will walk happily until they don’t. Once tired, they will sit down and look at you. Don’t try to pull. It doesn’t work.

Bend down and pick him up. Remember to bend your knees and do a Pilates tummy to protect your back.

Carry him tucked up under your arm. Change arms often, or you will discover muscles you didn’t know you had.

Lesson Three

Be prepared. Boy Scout prepared.

It doesn’t matter if it’s a howling gale or pouring rain. Your octogenarian dog needs to pee. Frequently — as in every two hours. And as soon as possible after he’s eaten.

Have that coat hanging near the door. Prepare a few poop bags, already opened at the top. You do not want to fuss with trying to open a bag while holding a wet dog and attempting to pick up poop in the pouring rain.

Lesson Four

Learn to walk like a duck while doing a semi-goose step

Wet docks are slippery booby traps in disguise. Always assume green slime lurks. One misstep, and you are on your arse.

Getting up is a source of amusement to other boaters. If you were carrying that octogenarian dog, your first instinct would be to look for the little creature. I managed to land, still holding my pup aloft in one hand.

So, it’s up and down those stairs. And twisting and stretching, as you can’t go anywhere or do anything without stepping, reaching, or doing a pretzel. I had to decide whether it’s added ten years to my life or taken a few off.

The matter is still under consideration. But I plan to be back next year.

It would be great turning eighty while on board.