Lessons from 2021: Vovo and Mel “New Writers Welcome” — January Competition

Two lessons, three resolutions.

Lesson One: Vovo

Vovo was a force. She was my best friend Melanie’s mom. She died in June. She had been battling cancer for six years, going in and out of remission. Despite her diagnosis, she forged ahead: changing her lifestyle, trying new treatments, making plans for the future. She was in perpetual motion.

She and her husband (Papa), both in their 70s, were in the middle of building a new house. They had done a lot of the work themselves. She had envisioned the house and helped design it. Like so many things in her life, she was creating something from nothing. She was willing that house into being.

When I went through a tough time after my son was born (because of a family rift), she wrote me a letter telling me that she and Papa would be there for us. She had lost her son in an accident years before and it had changed her perspective on everything. Disagreements that had once loomed large were no longer important. She told me that love was all that mattered, and that love would prevail.

For ten years, each Christmas she sent my son a big brown box stuffed with books, toys, and candy. She wanted him to know that he had an extra set of grandparents who loved him. This past December Vovo’s brown box from Florida was missing. Vovo is Portuguese for grandma.

Even though she had been ill, it was a shock, because she was so strong. It still doesn’t make sense that she is gone. I grieve for her. I grieve for Mel who misses her mom.

Vovo’s lesson for me is that she lived life on her own terms. She did not wallow. She kept moving forward, creating the life that she wanted. She was unapologetic and bold.

I will carry her boldness with me into 2022 and beyond. I will write. I will keep moving forward, creating the life I want.

Lesson Two: Mel Robbins from Mel

Not long after Vovo’s death, Mel sent me a TedTalk from Mel Robbins. She never sends videos, so I watched it right away. It was from 2011, the same year as Vovo’s letter.

The video is called “How to Stop Screwing Yourself Over.” To date, it has clocked over 28 million views.

Toward the beginning, Mel Robbins asks the audience, “What do you want?” She says to choose something — and to name it.

It may sound obvious to a normal person, but for me, it was a revelation.

In the past, I have always been afraid to name what I wanted because of the fear that it might not happen. I have been afraid to face the chasm between where I am and where I want to be.

She says to name it, and to let it sound selfish. Also, to name the why. Why do you want it? The real why underneath. The one that sounds embarrassing to say out loud.

Then she says to take an action. Anything. Marry the impulse with an action. If you don’t take that action, the brain will shut it down.

Building on that premise…

• This thing that you want will feel scary (at least it did for me).
• Your brain is designed to keep you safe, to keep you in a routine (even if that routine is making you miserable).
• You have to FORCE yourself to move in the direction of your goal. There will always be resistance. (What?! Another revelation.)
• You are never going to feel like it (even when doing you are something that you love.) You can train yourself to push through anyway.
• Your soul wants to grow. The only way to grow is by forcing yourself to be uncomfortable.
• When you put something off, you are holding back the flow of love.

“Anything that is a break from your routine is going to require force.” — Mel Robbins

Three Resolutions

From Mel Robbins’ work, I started to implement these new ways of thinking.

I made three resolutions, each tied to specific actions.

The first:

I am going to write this children’s story that I’ve been wanting to write for forever. It is a project of discovery. If it doesn’t work, it will lead me to something else. The only way to know is to begin. I am going to show up and do the work. I signed up for a six-month class to help me stay on track.

The second:

I am going to regularly post on Medium. I am going to be a part of a community of writers. I am going to put my work out in the world. I am going to risk failure. I’m going to risk looking bad. I am going to grow and learn and figure it out as I go.

The third:

I am going to try to make this a great year for my mom. I will call her. I will visit her in Florida. I will find ways to brighten her day, sending pictures of peonies and watching Netflix cross country. We will FaceTime so she can see her “handsome” grandson. If the stars align, we will go to Italy. This year, I will make sure she knows how grateful I am for her.

P.S. When in Florida, I will visit Mel and we will roast hot dogs with Papa in Vovo’s backyard. We will feel her watching over us, wondering why we are all just sitting around and not fixing up the house.

Thank you Robert Ralph for starting New Writers Welcome, and for creating a community for new writers. Thank you to these fellow writers and new connections: Jill (Conquering Cognitions), Linda Ng, Francesca Cadhit, Kris Bedenian, and Shruthi_Rajaram.

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