Lena’s Bathtub Brew for Trans Women

High Octane Hormones from Ukraine made me feel like Wonder Woman

When I first started my medical transition, I went to Planned Parenthood to receive prescriptions. I had read the guidelines for the Informed Consent model of transgender care. It basically says, “this medication was not studied for the treatment of gender dysphoria; there may be hazards to your health.” I wonder how many folks that go to the clinic to get cross-sex hormones, walk out once informed. My guess would be that most consent. I consented, I had read a ton in the year between realizing that I was transgender and keeping my appointment. I cancelled a couple before I showed up at my first visit.

Planned Parenthood here in Orlando is reticent to prescribe injectable estrogen. They prefer pills.

I was a sponge for trans information. I read everything I could find online about my condition. I was very active in trans chat rooms. I was speaking to an elder-basically anyone farther along in transition is an elder-and she was talking about how she switched to injections and she got BOOM! I wanted BOOM! I asked the nurse practitioner for a prescription for injectable estrogen. She made some crap up about supply being problematic. I didn’t get what I wanted and that was my last visit to their clinic. I gave them three stars on Google.

I was on a deadline.

There aren’t a ton of science articles available for transgender healthcare, but there are a few. The studies that I read then suggested that there was a ticking clock. I had two years basically to get all of the feminization I was ever gonna get. I now know that it takes much longer for the changes to stop. But I was driven.

I found a wonderful free clinic. If you are in the Orlando area and you are queer, this is one-stop concierge type healthcare. Crew Health. The Nurse Practitioner there was happy to give me my juice. I was happy.

I have always been very insecure about my medicine. I get nervous that something will interrupt the flow of meds. I ordered some bicalutamide** (bica) from Portugal. I was over Spironolactone* and I wanted the newest meds for my transition. I had my bica stockpile. I was worried about the supply of injectable estrogen. I did some research and found a woman in Ukraine who made her own estrogen. She was really smart and she used the stuff herself. I could get as much as I wanted. Lena has something of a reputation in the trans DIY (Do It Yourself) community.

I have never spoken to Lena nor have I seen any images of her. I do have a mental picture of her. I imagine that she is akin to the image I have of a Russian challenging an American to a drinking contest. Saying something like “American women are soft…like marshmallow” as she is shooting up her high octane stuff.

I have had conversations in a trans DIY server that I had to be vouched for to join. This particular server had some graduate level scientists as members. I told them that I found some cheap injectable estrogen in the Ukraine. I didn’t share her name. They knew who I was talking about immediately. They had concerns. Mostly about her methods. Did she sterilize this and how many micrograms of that. Boring sciency stuff. They had a name for her wonderful elixir. Lena’s Bathtub Brew. I thanked the girls in the DIY server and sent my money to Ukraine. I figured if it’s good enough for Lena, it’s good enough for me. I got 2 big bottles for $85. I was stocked up.

Lena’s stuff was much more concentrated than the actual prescription stuff. I had the DIY girls give me a dose that would be the same as the stuff I was already using. They said something dumb like one quarter of a milliliter. I have always figured that if a little is good, then a lot is better. I injected one milliliter the first time. I am not sure if I was experiencing some placebo effect or something, but I felt like Wonder Woman. I also scared the crap out of my gender doctor. My levels were in the pregnancy range. He asked me to take a baby aspirin and I did not. I survived. I have yet to read about a single death directly related to transgender medicine.

I now have a lot more confidence in the supply chain for my medication, and I don’t need Lena’s estrogen any longer. I imagine that it expired some time ago. It’s been sitting in my drawer for a couple years now. I haven’t used it in forever. I did hold on to it just in case. I no longer need it as a safety net. So I am going to throw Lena’s Bathtub brew away. I may shed a tear, but I know that I will always remember how I felt on that stuff. I was an Eastern European tough girl for a month or so. Thank you Lena, I hope you are safe.

Love, Kitty

*Spironolactone: Blocks androgens, inhibiting Testosterone; a common part of Hormone Replacement Therapy for trans women (editor’s note)

**Bicalutamide: an antiandrogen, also inhibits Testosterone; another common medicine for feminization (editor’s note)