Leaving the Herd

Not easy, but often essential

“The one who follows the crowd will usually go no further from the crowd. The one who walks alone is likely to find himself in places no one has ever been.” — Albert Einstein

Pivoting oneself from the voice and values of the herd isn’t selling out. If not, you’re liable to sell yourself out. Being true to oneself isn’t selfish, it’s virtuous.

Whether it’s the new job’s happy hours or its department cliques. That Facebook group supporting a side hustle, passion, or other pet project. On a larger scale, social movements come to mind.

Questioning the herd’s leaders, agendas, and objectives isn’t rebellious. It’s something everyone owes themself. Our lives are spent on our time. We don’t owe anyone a thing.

We should always think and venture outside of the box. And we should never be ashamed or in fear of doing so.

Quantifying our group relationships and associations is not always easy, but essential. Mired in time-sucks and other detours equal non-productive days. Non-productive days add up, hurting us in the long run. Bad and negative habits are hard to break.

We owe it to ourselves to examine the mantra of our tribes. Their philosophy on how they practice boundaries is huge. Are they respectful of your time outside of the group’s commitment?

Always have your radar fixed on the frontlines. The all-in Seargent-at-arms demands compliance and adherence to the rules of the club. Once the goon shows his allegiance to the tribe leaders as a badge of honor and example, that’s another red flag. Head for the exit.

Look at all the self-help on the web. Each day we’re provided with tips on how to succeed. We’re urged to think for ourselves. To question as we search. The nurturing support as we journey to a better us.

Reading books and articles is great. If one prefers videos, incorporate documentaries into your view list. Both provide answers and insight. Lessons that took people years to learn the hard way could be your benefit in a fraction of that time.

Today’s social media is a pedal to the metal medium. Apps and platforms to organize and mobilize. A tool for news and communication. All with a global connection.

Followers are encouraged and, in some circles, pressured to be active on all of their platforms. Posting, trolling, and calling people out. Not only to name and trash the detractors of the movement. Some like to question and pick on the less active teammates as well.

We all know our colleagues with eye-popping numbers when they post. The views, likes, and comments. Once in a while, they go viral — the holy grail.

Many in the crowd admire and aspire to this. They’ve become the point-man of the movement. Because of this, many are pressured to post on a regular basis. Multiple times per day if need be.

Add to the conversation. Support the cause. We demand comments, likes, and retweets. Spread the love.

These are some of the things most involved with movements grappling within our digital age. For many, these directives create angst and discomfort. They want to remain involved. They want to push the cause.

Most of all, they want to add by providing constructive posts. A natural and organic insight rather than something forced.

They believe in the movement, what it stands for, and the ultimate change it could bring. That said, they want their posts to be authentic. Voices that push and enhance the narrative. Not gibberish adding to the pollution.

The education process shouldn’t end when students graduate from school. Learning remains an assignment. It takes time and priority. Students already have the skills. It’s up to them to choose.

For one, if you don’t make a decision, one will be made for you. And guess what? It won’t be in your best interest unless it aligns with the priorities and directives of the group and its cause.

Don’t be discouraged when things start feeling weird. If it does, you’re onto something — the dividends of your learning and expanding perspective. Other’s behavior and motivations might not be adding up. You’re growing and evolving. Adding insight and perspective to your vantage point.

Education is a life-long process. The most successful and independent do this on an everyday basis. Their daily quest involves learning. Reading, thinking, and analyzing the data. Clearing the smog for more sunlight.

When the antics of friends, associates, and various social contacts stop being funny and cool it’s often because they’re no longer funny and cool. It’s also time to take these people in small doses if you can’t avoid their company altogether.

Don’t let societal trends, campaigns, and other agendas take you for granted. Nobody has a right to your respect and time once they show signs of abusing your trust, values, and vision.

“You stay teachable by reading books, by reading what other people went through. I can’t tell you the number of times I looked down at what was going on on the ground or I was engaged in a fight somewhere and I knew within a couple of minutes how I was going to screw up the enemy. And I knew it because I’d done so much reading.” — General James Mattis

Become smarter today than when you were yesterday. Each morning should be an opportunity to learn new things. Make your journey to a better mind and state of health a hobby. Watch it become a habit and ritual.

This isn’t about them, their group, or their cause — it’s about you. Does this path and objective align with my values? Where do I want to go? What kind of person do I want to become? Is this person or group tolerant and nurturing? Is it reciprocal or one-sided?

Outside of these groups and causes, certain people aren’t always easy to disengage from. It often involves guilt and anguish. The friends who don’t want to grow up. The friends who sneer at learning. The friends who seem to be holding onto the past and status quo.

“People are strange: They are constantly angered by trivial things, but on a major matter like totally wasting their lives, they hardly seem to notice.” — Charles Bukowski

Friendship is a privilege and never a right or an entitlement. Your real friends won’t make you feel guilty. The selfish and insecure ones will try and hold you back. To hold onto you.

They’re holding ontothe old you — your friendship and company. More to the point, it’s their fear. Fear of the unknown, future, and inevitable change. They might be nice people, but they’re not helping. It might be time to move on.

When someone cares about you, they encourage and root for your self-improvement. They also listen. When they disagree, they agree to disagree. They also take the time to point out why they do.

The true blues never aim to make us feel stupid, ashamed, or less. They’re available to help us expand our horizons by seeing things in different lights.

Now, compare this with the opposite reactions. The defensive, adversarial, and shaming voices. The ones who want to argue to prove everyone wrong and them right.

There’s a major difference between those who care and those who don’t. Those who are respectful, thoughtful, and helpful. And those who aren’t.

You only get one life to live. Choose your time, path, and associations wisely. If it’s in your best interest to leave, you must find a way to do so.

Don’t be afraid or feel guilty about your exit. That your absence creates an empty nest. Be more fearful and diligent of overstaying your welcome.