Psychology | Relationships | Politics

Leaving An Abusive Relationship

be very careful…

I worked with women who were in abusive relationships when I was a therapist. I have taught courses on domestic and child abuse. I also worked in the field of child abuse — both as a psychologist and as an attorney.

The one thing I learned from reading, taking courses, attending seminars, and working with abused people is that when the abused decides to leave the relationship — that is the most dangerous point. It is when most of the abused are killed.

Abusers do not like their victims to leave them.

This is one reason why getting women [because it is usually women] out of the relationship is something that has to be planned ahead — secretly — and helping to get them away to a secure safe location.

It’s why we see signs in women’s restrooms that say “if you’re in an abusive relationship please call this number.” The thought is good as women’s toilet stalls are sort of private and she can call and say something is wrong. And these days you can text it quietly just in case the abuser is in the room near her.

This has come up in my head of late because of politics — Biden is going to be the new president. But the abuser in the White House, along with his enablers, is not likely to go quietly.

Some of us want to get away — but some want to stay in the relationship because they love watching the abuse being doled out. And they add to it with little fear of reprisal. So we have a very mixed, more dangerous scenario.

But he will go — even if he is forced out — and this leads me to think things are likely to become very much more dangerous. I hope not, but my psychology/political head fears what could happen.

We know the dangerous period of time — from now until January 20, 2021 — Inauguration Day!

The relationship IS ending and it can’t be done secretly or quietly because of the situation— but we can and must be prepared.

• Please keep your eyes on what the administration is doing.
• Pay close attention! He will try to do “stuff” in secret. His minions will continue to hurt people. He is surrounded by yea-sayers who fear his wrath and they will continue to protect him and do as he tells them.
• Celebrate — but don’t let your celebratory mood cloud your instincts.
• Watch your back.
• Watch your friend’s and neighbor’s backs.

We can and will end this abusive relationship!

And be stronger in 2021!

Then we can truly celebrate!