Learning to Cope with My Personality Disorder

The Constant Struggle of Managing My Emotions

Do you ever feel like you process the world differently than everyone else? It’s like your brain has a different wiring than most people’s.

That’s what living with a personality disorder is like.

Social norms or what comes naturally to others don’t always align with your perspective or behavior.

Throughout my life, I’ve had trust issues.

Whenever I look at any situation, I only see the negatives.

I’m just not able to shake the jealous or paranoid feelings rattling around inside my head, no matter how many people reassure me.

The stress of relationships is because of it!

I’m always wondering what people’s motives are and waiting for the next thing to happen.

It’s a full-time job managing my emotions.

It’s easy for me to be excellent as a cucumber, going about my day as usual. I can get upset over the littlest things — like when someone cuts me off in traffic, or I get lousy service.

Just like that, I’m completely out of control! It’s like riding a rollercoaster, swinging rapidly from extreme to extreme.

I can’t handle it, and it’s so draining.

I know it’s unhealthy to let little things bother me so much, but I lose all control when that happens.

I get drained from all the overanalyzing and intense emotions. My identity is often slipping away, or I feel empty inside.

Since I’m hyper-aware of every perceived flaw or mistake I make, my self-esteem suffers simultaneously.

The inner critic is brutal.

My bad days are when I want to hide because facing regular social interactions is exhausting and terrifying.

My therapist has been helping me learn new coping skills.

Slowly, I’m improving at recognizing when my distorted thought patterns are out of control.

I’m trying to change negative automatic thoughts and reframe situations. Keeping a journal and meditating can keep you from contemplating too much. I have to be patient both with myself and others to make these changes.

However, each day, I see more clearly, thanks to the right support system.

Personally, that gives me hope that one day, my inner world might feel a little more “balanced.”

Fingers crossed! We’re still on our way.