Learning Self-Patience isn’t Virtuous
What writing on Medium is teaching me
Self-patience can be annoying. Patience is rumored to be a virtue; however, that higher standard seems to be just beyond my reach when it comes to self. I pride myself on my patience when it comes to other people. Overly patient, sometimes.
The majority of my working life involved patience with others. Working jobs that place the customers, clients, or vendors first is my resume history. Assimilating with the phrase “Patience is a Virtue” — waiting for someone else to understand, make decisions, or learn something; without frustration, is high on the summary of qualifications. However, when it comes to myself, particularly my creative pursuits, that attribute falls short. My drawings and writing are an extension of a place of vulnerability, and waiting seems to feed my critic rather than my patience.
Have you ever heard that people who mispronounce words are often because they have read them, not heard them? Maybe the opposite is true regarding writing. Perhaps people write without certain structure, proper grammar, or references because they learned from hearing stories rather than reading. I once wrote a book and purposely left the grammar more passive and a few spelling errors to reach a certain demographic of people. Mainly people who proclaimed they didn’t read. The joy in hearing that it was the first book they ever read all the way through was priceless.
Writing on Medium has thrown me back into the days of high school. Art, science, and math were my favorite subjects. English classes I avoided at all costs. My creative brain could not get past the rules and regulations of proper writing. Critiques of my art or grading within math and science were a learning experience for me—a tool to get better. A high-school biology teacher strongly advised my parents that I should pursue a career in science illustration because of my uncanny knack for both. I would ace my science tests and only took notes in doodles.
It took years of self-awareness and long conversations with my inner critic to move beyond my personal judgments of writing. Once I could view my writing as a way to paint pictures, I could accept it. Julia Cameron’s “The Artist Way” propelled me into that way of thinking. Writing became a way to get to know me and learn to share more of myself with others. Slowly, and yes, with patience, I moved into the realm of sharing thoughts via blogging long before Medium was started.
I have only been on Medium for two months, and my inner critic is now thriving again. Waiting for approval for my writing to be deemed “good enough” for publication, curation, and distribution. A few have felt like ghosting. Fill out these forms, tell us about you, and if you don’t hear from us within a week or two, it means your thoughts weren’t for us. Others left me with questions of what was wrong with their simple reply, “Not for us.”
I was lucky enough that the first publication I found, Know Thyself, Heal Thyself by Diane C., accepted me with open arms. It is now and will forever be my home base. In one of my first articles, I didn’t cite the picture. She kindly sent me a note about it. I explained I had created it myself and didn’t know how to do that. She published it with a different picture. That allowed me the safety from my critic, and I want to find out more on how to cite my own pictures.
Medium has a definite learning curve. Simple things like knowing you can give a round of applause, up to 50 claps, or highlighting a point that resonates with you and even replies to that highlight. The larger learning curves are the foundation of the platform itself. The different publications, the curation choices, and the award of further distribution. It is like a publishing company for best-selling books without the twist of having something for everyone at all skill levels.
I joined Medium as an outlet to move beyond my vulnerability of sharing what I feel I have to offer creatively. It was a personal quest of pursuing a golden circle of other people who share their thoughts, visions, and creativity, I found my place. My wonderment journey is fed here.
Self-patience will be a practice that I will continue. It is a bridge of creative vulnerability and personal authenticity that I am willing to build. Most of us creative empaths desire to live a legacy of hope, dreams and honoring that inner drive to make a difference. I am willing to build that bridge. The reward is hearing that you made that difference with your words or art.
And, there is a whole playground here on Medium; I have to stop bullying myself, practice a little more mindfulness, and embrace a little more non-self-judgment. I am grateful for the learning curve.
