Learning Patience

Lessons in Life

There are all sorts of ways to handle annoying, frightening, or uncomfortable situations. I believe in handling things myself.

Murder does not count as a solution, nor does defacing property or yelling at the top of your lungs.

When you change the only aspect of any situation you can control, which is yourself, you have a chance at solving whatever the situation is to your own satisfaction. Will it be a solution for the asshole? Likely not. They are not the problem. You are. That’s one of the rules.

Family. You will never change them. If they are drinkers and that annoys you, then you leave. Did you just desert your family? Yep. Was there anything else you could have tried? Well, yes, but this is why we don’t want to bang our heads on the wall. People with substance abuse problems need help. Are you qualified to do it? No. They’ve got their own lessons, and if those lessons involve ruination, just step back and allow them to do whatever they need to do. If it involves 23 years of blaming you for their problems, that is their problem and they will either seek help or continue to blame you.

Step out of the way.

Okay, so what about assholes in the office who make your life miserable? Same thing as the drinker. They have their own reasons for being assholes. Protect yourself the best you can. Cover your butt. In government speak this is CYA (Cover your ass). People who are intent on creating a path of destruction around them will do so whatever you think. If your only option seems to be finding another job, whether this is fair or not, do so.

Get your resume updated. Ask for some letters of reference. If anybody asks why you want them say your working conditions have become untenable, and the only solution you see is either you leaving, or them leaving. The only control you have is over your own reactions; hence the letters of reference which will be useful.

You could go to your supervisor or boss, but even then, they will be reluctant to do anything about the situation. They will try to imply that you are overly sensitive and need to learn to work with others. There will be all sorts of inane responses that will serve no useful purpose. If you want to jump through the hoops, go ahead. I wouldn’t. It’s never helped me. Make sure your job resume is updated, and start looking at improving some of your skills. Your supervisor was already aware of trouble on the horizon with whoever is making life difficult for everybody on the job site. They just didn’t want to do anything about it, hoping it would all go away on its own.

Distract yourself from whatever the problems are. Learn something new.

My best advice? You want to be like a duck and have water roll right off your back. Nothing that happens in your immediate circumstances bothers you. That way, you can keep your job.

That is the goal.

How do you do that? Prayer. Introspective journaling. Meditation. Picking apart whatever the situation is and examining all the little bits and pieces.

Remember, you have absolutely no control over other people. The only things you can control are your reactions to the world around you.

If you can think about things this way often enough, and this entire process does take time, you will eventually arrive at a place where you just don’t give a shit anymore about other people. This is not to say that you don’t care, but what you don’t care about anymore is what they do with their lives.

I know this sounds callous, but if somebody wants to act like an asshole, there is nothing in the wide world you can do other than remove yourself from their sphere of influence or just ignore them.

I would run, but the larger lesson would be to learn how to live with nitwits peacefully.

I can’t say I am a totally evolved human being. There are certain politicians I can no longer stand the sight of and can’t watch on the news. So, there is room for growth for me there. I do my part by voting.

The other stuff? It took me years. I still have to remind myself to calm down, but I can wait for a parking place or for the line to move in the grocery store. I am able to sit in traffic. I can spend the time I need to be on the phone being transferred from one tech to another in order to get things solved without getting crabby or saying bad words. It was a revelation to me when I noticed this stuff happening in my life.

It was patience, and I was learning how to be patient. It changed my life. I believe it can improve your life, too, because in the end, I do care.