Relationships.
Learn Their Relationship History Before Committing.
Serial monogamists and predators commit too soon.
It is far too easy to miss all the signs of a relationship predator when you’re high on testosterone, estrogen, dopamine, norepinephrine, and oxytocin. Love hormones blind us to any issues as we throw caution to the wind and swoon off into the sunset.
“Hormones are very powerful things. We are helpless in their wake.” — Meg Cabot.
The risks of making the wrong decision and ending up in a toxic relationship are too high not to invest in research beforehand. People are becoming more conscious of unhealthy relationships and the adverse effects on their physical and mental health and further damage that extends to children, families, and society.
Toxic comes in many flavours, with two of the most common including serial monogamists and predators. Both serial monogamists and predators are adept at charming and grooming innocent victims.
Serial monogamists are always in relationships, though not with the same person for any longer than two or three years at most. Serial monogamy can lead to frequent mental and physical health issues, inconsistent housing and financial stability, and a range of problems for both the monogamist and their families.
Serial monogamists are not all predatory; many are people who love the feeling of falling in love (emophilia), so continue to do so, often not recognising the impact it has on others and their personal growth. Such individuals don’t learn effective relationship communication and problem-solving skills and become accustomed to cycling through people and giving up too quickly on quality relationships.
Serial predators are similar because they pursue people for temporary fulfilment. Serial predators are often sexually-oriented. However, there are other types of predatory pursuits, such as those who chase to gain fame or popularity, money, materials, or power and control.
Serial monogamists differ from predators in that the primary goal is not singular.
For serial monogamists, it’s about the total package, the obsession, ‘love’, sex, attention, manipulation, control, and having a home and family.
Both monogamists and predators are more likely to cheat and seek further attention elsewhere than those who have breaks between relationships.
Potential signs:
- Charming and grooming.
- Lies too easily and too well.
- Hides deep anger and resentment.
- Violates morals and ethics freely.
- Normalises lying, stealing, cheating, and other harmful actions.
- A hidden lack of concern for others may become apparent over time.
- Dodgy or significant gaps in history.
- Isolated from some friends or family members.
- No close long-term friendships.
- Most friends are new, and any long term friends or family members don’t see them often.
I know it sounds precarious investigating your new partner’s prior relationships, and it goes against the idea of privacy, growth and learning, and common courtesy.
However, consider the fact that most predators, malignant narcissists, and psychopaths are the nicest people you’ll ever meet.
Predators and serial monogamists always have excuses for deceptive behaviours, an unstable relationship history, and significant tensions within the family, and they can be very convincing. However, time and intuition will reveal the truth if you pay attention.
Relationship history warning signs.
- Any signs they’ve lied, cheated, manipulated, or abused in prior relationships is a clear indication they’re not ideal.
- Frequent relationships of short to medium duration.
- Rarely ever single.
- Hides or avoids discussing past relationships.
- If they are open about past relationships, they mostly complain about ex-partners or compare them to you.
- No close friends or family members or tense relationships with them.
- Unstable address and work history.
- Depends or has depended heavily on others, specifically previous partners.
While some history of relationship issues is entirely normal, a pattern of frequent relationships and a lack of independence are strong indicators that you could be in for some trouble on the love front.
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