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Abstract

p id="db15">For example, my husband put a stop to my way of trying to get our son to eat his meals and stop being fussy because it just wasn’t working. After a certain period of time of him implementing his own way of doing things, which was firmer and stricter than I would’ve liked, I started to see some changes in my son and how he would sit down to eat the entire plate of food in front of him.</p><p id="21fa">Now, Andriel looks forward to sitting down next to his parents and mostly eats his entire plate, including the veg. My husband was right, and I was wrong — at least for a period of time (because no one knows the future and kids are unpredictable!)</p><p id="60fc"><b>But my husband didn’t say “I told you so”.</b> He didn’t discredit me as a mother, even if I did question my own decision making. He understood that being wrong is not a bad thing, and also, that <b>I wasn’t “wrong” to begin with</b>. Some things work, and some things don’t work for our children. And some things work for a while and then need to be changed. And that’s OK.</p><p id="4e9d">Parenting, while continuous, is flexible.</p><p id="ec93"><a href="https://readmedium.com/how-to-successfully-wing-it-d39222a3d808">And we are all winging it.</a></p><h1 id="101b">Lowering Expectations Is Empowering</h1><p id="cde5">I have this constant need as the main caregiver to simply know what to do and get it right — especially after all the research I do on many aspects of parenting. But the thing is, it is only because of my own expectations that we get upset when things don’t work out. We paint a picture of how things will go, and when they don’t go our way, we self-criticise.</p><p id="3b33">Recently, I have been struggling to make the decision of whether to send our son to daycare. Because of the recent lockdowns, I feared that he wasn’t getting enough social stimulation and he needed to spend more time with other children. We decided to send him to a local nursery two mornings a week.</p><p id="fec8">But that wasn’t my only reason for wanting to send him there. I also needed more time to really step up my game as a writer, begin marketing myself and really work on my book.</p><p id="fa4a">But I’m tired of questioning myself, and <a href="https://readmedium.com/how-to-get-what-you-want-1973fd008ecb">since taking the road to self-care</a> in order to be a better mother and person, I decided that my reasons were as good as any to send Andriel to daycare at the age of 27 months.</p><p id="d466">It has only been a few weeks, and so far, he does not look forward to going there. I feel in fact he has become shier and clingier than usual. This makes me question once again whether what I am doing is right, and whether the caregivers at the centre are doing right by my son.</p><p id="93a8"><b>I’m ready to assign blame and judge because this is what we do as people growing up in today’s society.</b></p><div id="5778" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/learning-to-enjoy-motherhood-guilt-free-966e7fa38d58"> <div> <div> <h2>Learning To Enjoy Motherhood Guilt-Free</h2> <div><h3>undefined</h3></div> <div><p>undefined</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*o44YftcYVXjSo_va)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="d0f8">But I have to remember that it will solve nothing. I need to readjust my expectations and remind myself that everything takes time and that obstacles are all part of the journey, including my son’s settling in time at daycare.</p><p id="1231">He will get there because he is a strong and sociable little boy. He will be fine because he will still have an abundance of love at home waiting for him when he gets back and throughout the rest of the week. But I cannot decide how and when he will be running happily into nursery in the mornings — that’s a picture I need to let go of, but treasure if it happens.</p><p id="b15a">Sometimes, it

Options

is our expectations that need change, not our circumstances. We have to be OK with hiccups in parenting. Rather, we need not see them as hiccups, but as part of the process of bringing up children. After all, we are only human.</p><h1 id="7806">Takeaway</h1><figure id="facf"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/0*0ZLtDIAU40LQtOeo"><figcaption>Photo by <a href="https://unsplash.com/@drezart?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Andrae Ricketts</a> on <a href="https://unsplash.com?utm_source=medium&utm_medium=referral">Unsplash</a></figcaption></figure><p id="f3a0">I believe in a mother’s instinct, but I don’t believe in the expectation that it will be there when we need it. If that expectation isn’t met then we will be more than ready to assign blame, and it won’t help us grow as parents or as individuals. In fact, I think that the constant need to meet these expectations is what causes us to feel like a failure at some point in our lives.</p><p id="b5d4">Instead, I recommend a more supportive plan, where advice can be handed out without coming across as all-knowing and dismissive of the parent. We can learn not to feel offended at others’ suggestions in the same way that others can learn not to be judgemental. I advise that others do get involved in taking care of kids, in a non-judgemental “I-told-you-so” way when the main interest is that of the child — not of themselves.</p><p id="1680">Most importantly, we have to learn that <b>mistakes are normal</b>, and most of the time, they’re not life-threatening. We are all human after all, and that makes us susceptible to countless errors over the course of time. In modern parenting, most parents are learning not to scold their kids when they make mistakes because it’s detrimental to their confidence building. <i>We should take that same approach with ourselves and other adults.</i></p><p id="93d5">So, let’s cut ourselves a little slack, and lower that pressure to get it right. Nobody is born a parent with experience.</p><div id="2a67" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/redefining-the-concept-of-happiness-16e5524c2b2d"> <div> <div> <h2>Redefining the Concept of Happiness</h2> <div><h3>How I’m learning about fulfilment from my toddler son.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*6xDaJcMnjn9r6Bow)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="88c4" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-battle-with-anger-as-a-parent-24e7837c5fac"> <div> <div> <h2>My Battle With Anger As a Parent</h2> <div><h3>Ensuring our son feels loved regardless of our feelings.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*Me4slkvdZGGCbsbjqQ_7bg.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="c95b" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/my-husband-is-a-damn-good-father-de20d1ef2217"> <div> <div> <h2>My Husband Is A Damn Good Father</h2> <div><h3>And he deserves praise.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*Oqw-YSI_IVOLn-k0)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="7dcc"><b><i>Sylvia Emokpae, thinker and philosopher, is passionate about self-love, relationships, and motherhood. <a href="https://medium.com/@sylviaemokpae">See more work like this</a>.</i></b></p><p id="f728"><a href="https://twitter.com/SylviaEmokpae"><b>Follow her</b></a><b> on Twitter.</b></p></article></body>

OTHERS

Learn How to Create a Sustainable Capsule Wardrobe

A step-by-step guide

What is a Capsule Wardrobe?

These are the only pieces you need in your closet! A minimalistic approach.

A seasonal mini wardrobe of about 30 to 40 multi-purpose favorites made up of tops, bottoms, dresses, jackets, coats, and shoes.

There are some recommendations to own exactly 37 garments per season.

However, in my opinion, it is not about an exact number. It is not about following a rule. But rather about the idea of minimalism and sustainability.

If you can manage with a few pieces more or less, then it’s perfect that way!

How to create your Capsule Wardrobe

1 — Do your preparations

First, you should empty your closet and assign each item to one of the following categories:

All clothes that are not liked/worn. These will be donated, given away, thrown away, or sold.
Clothes you are not sure about. E.g. clothes you rarely wear, that don’t fit perfectly, that don’t mix and match well. Fabrics, patterns, and colors you don’t like so much. Pack them in a box and out of sight. If you miss any of the clothes during the season, get them out of the box. Move it into your closet. Anything left in the box at the end of the season now belongs to 1. and can be disposed of.
Garments that do not fall under point 1. and do not belong to the current season. These also go into a box. Exception: garments that wrinkle, like dresses or blouses. I hang these on the far right side of the closet because I don’t want to iron them in the next season.

Once that’s done, the current season’s favorite pieces go back into the closet.

This is the basis for your Capsule Wardrobe!

2 — Consider your color concept

Think about what colors suit you, and what you like the most. There should be a maximum of 4 basic colors in your closet so that all pieces can be combined well.

If you like to wear patterns, make sure they match each other.

Example: I like to wear red, navy blue, white, and black. Both in my free time and at work. I rarely wear patterns. I can combine most of my clothes.

3- Choose your clothes

The selection begins! Choose the right pieces for the season from your existing garments. The number can of course be customized.

My example:

Summer season:

7 tops & blouses
4 t-shirts
7 bottoms: skirts
2 bottoms: shorts
7 dresses
1 thin jacket
7 pairs of shoes — 2x sandals, 3x high heel sandals, 2x flats

→ 35 pieces for summer 🌞🔥🌞

With that, I can theoretically get by for 3 weeks without doing laundry. The things mostly mix and match by color and style.

I like a mix of business chic and practical. I wear dresses and skirts with pleasure but also tops & flat shoes in my free time.

Most items I can wear at work and at home, or no matter where I go.

To consider: Sleepwear, underwear, socks, belts, watches, or other jewelry do not count. Also, clothing for special occasions, such as a long fancy dress or for men, a tuxedo or bow tie, does not count.

I must add that I also wear pumps or blazers for work, which I count as spring season. I also wear pumps in the office sometimes in the fall or winter, and my blazers almost all year round.

Likewise, I wear t-shirts or tops under my sweaters in the winter. However, I count these as part of the summer season.

You see, there is no strict separation. That is also not the sense and purpose. It’s great when the clothes are reused!

If you perhaps have even fewer parts per season or more diverse combination possibilities, that’s great!

4 — Complete your Capsule Wardrobe

This is necessary if:

You do not have enough clothes for one season
You do not have enough clothes in the right color or style

Buy only what fits you, pleases you, and matches. ❤

Wear what fits and pleases you, as long as it’s fine. If you need a new piece, look for good quality, if possible sustainable brands and high-quality fabrics.

Of course, there may always be exceptions. If you have a favorite brightly colored dress that matches almost nothing else, keep it. You have worn it so far often and with pleasure, so why should you give it away?

Things that you like to wear should be allowed to stay. I’m not a fan of strict rules, just guidance, and tips.

What are the advantages?

A Capsule Wardrobe saves time every morning when choosing clothes. You can focus on more important things.

Conscious consumption of clothing leaves more money for hobbies and other things or to save. Fewer pieces in the closet are sustainable because resources are saved.

You buy less because you have everything important and can mix and match it.

By reducing to favorite pieces, your personal style becomes visible.

Also, think about your next vacation: if everything fits together and you like to wear everything, you can pack your suitcase quickly.

Your closet is always organized when you put away clothes from other seasons.

You only have clothes that you love and fit together, and more space in your closet! ❤

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