Lean In and Lockdown: Work From Home Life and Lessons

Please note that the words you’re about to read are random discoveries and my thoughts are complete and accurate although my sentences and grammar may not be.

During the Lockdown that resulted from COVID-19, it’s been tough to apply the prolific “Lean In” mantra and principles that Sheryl Sandberg shared with the world in 2013. Nevertheless, I’m doing my best to kick the shit out of the Option B that’s been thrust upon us.

I’m leaning into my life in a way that I never would have if this wicked pandemic hadn’t happened and not because I want to; It’s because I have to.

I feel completely different than I did before the Coronavirus spread like wildfire. It’s really hard for me to explain, but I’ll do my best.

Everything is amplified. Things that I once ignored, like my desire to put my words under a magnifying glass, won’t let me rest.

I feel like I’m 25 again and full of extraordinary and unlimited energy. Maybe it has something to do with all the meditating I’ve been doing or the nightly affirmation that I borrowed from the late Wayne Dyer...my favorite thought leader.

Boundaries are blurred or non-existent. I’m so focused on where I want to go even though I’m moving in multiple and equally intriguing directions.

My consciousness is on steroids.

I wanna have frozen margaritas with Brené Brown and talk openly and extensively about vulnerability, shame, and courage.

Oprah’s Super Soul Sunday episodes remind me that there are thousands of people seeking the same kind of knowing and being that I’m seeking. The episode with Michael Bernard Beckwith inspired me to begin saying my “I see you trees, flowers, sun, etc.,” affirmations out loud and include everything else that I’m moved to give a shout out.

John Maxwell has taught me more about what good leadership looks like than all of my current and former managers combined.

I’m braver, bolder, and richer in spirit. My bank account is even benefiting from fewer indulgent trips to Chipotle.

I’ve discovered and rediscovered soul piercing lyrics performed and written by musicians with talent that could only have been channeled from a supernatural being.

I’m dancing like no one is watching. Well, actually no one is watching because I’m dancing alone in my living room, and if I must say so myself, I’m killing it.

I’ve reconnected with some special people in my life and made plans to meet up for a good meal and adult beverages and conversation post Corona. Childhood friends that I haven’t seen since then popped up as suggested friends in my Facebook feed, and we’ve reunited via a few reminiscent messages.

I’ve always loved to laugh, but I’m laughing more at ridiculous things and finding the funny in nearly everything, including myself. I went to Target and accidentally walked out without paying for one of the items in my grocery cart. In my defense, it was hiding in the corner where I couldn’t see it.

When my hair became too much for me to handle, I wore it french braided, and I did it myself. Truth be told, I liked wearing it that way. And I survived without a perm for eight weeks. I have a newfound appreciation for my hairstylist and manicurist who had to shut down their businesses and still figure out how to keep a roof over their heads.

I’ve taken nature walks nearly every day, and I’ve never been a lover of outdoors until now. There’s an isolated and woodsy trail in my neighborhood that I’ve walked past a thousand times because trekking up the long, winding hill to get to it seemed way too scary. On day two of the Lockdown, I faced my fears. Now there’s no place I’d rather move my body or clear my mind. Hearing my voice echo through the trees is my way of communicating directly with the universe. Each step produces joy I could never describe as eloquently as Jean-Jacques Rousseau in “Reveries of a Solitary Walker.” Euphoria of this magnitude can only be understood through full immersion.

Visits to Dollar Tree to purchase toiletries that I don’t need are now the highlight of my less interesting days. Everything is a dollar so why not? If they’d stop selling those orange slices maybe I wouldn’t go so often.

I missed flying to my favorite city twice in my preferred aisle seat even though I’ve always hated flying and non-essential travel is non-existent anyway. Guess I’ll have to wait a few more months to stroll down Michigan Avenue like I’m a Chicago native.

I’m still a die-hard introvert (and proud of it) so I’m not necessarily the neighborly type, but I accidentally slipped into light conversation with a few of my neighbors, and they’re not so bad.

I’m shocked and pleased to discover that I’m more like my Mother than I thought I was, and she represents all the good in the world.

I’m enjoying my Daddy’s girl status even though I’m a full grown woman with grown woman bills.

Oh, the new quotes that I’ve stumbled upon from my favorite philosopher, Henry David Thoreau. He must have known that we would find true value in his timeless wisdom. These are just some of my favorites:

“I would rather sit on a pumpkin, and have it all to myself, than be crowded on a velvet cushion.”

“I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor.”

“The man who goes alone can start today; but he who travels with another must wait till that other is ready.”

“Wealth is the ability to fully experience life.”

“I wanted to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life, to live so sturdily and Spartanlike as to put to rout all that was not life.”

“When it comes time to die, let us not discover that we have never lived.”

I hope that Thoreau’s quotes have expanded your mind the way they’ve expanded mine. P.S., and by the way, you’re welcome.

For two months, I’ve shown up in every experience fully present. I can recall the intricate details of every encounter…which ones delighted me and which ones were nothing more than underwhelming.

I’ve finally found peace in the valley, and I’m taking the necessary time to heal instead of trying to rush past it like I did when I didn’t know any better. I know for sure that rushing never works. It only comes back to haunt the mind dressed like a rainy day.

Kundalini is rising again in my back, hands, and feet. Haven’t felt this electricity in over a year. Awakening feels good….real good!

I’m doing the Math on everything and the numbers are speaking to me almost daily. Can’t tell you how many times I’ve looked at the clock at 11:11 or 1:11 a.m. or p.m. One morning, I found myself driving behind a police car with the numbers ‘111" on the license plate and when I looked at the clock in my Jeep it was 11:11 a.m. Like Dr. Phil McGraw says, “There are no accidents!”

I’m doing things that I was too lazy and too scared to do two months ago like sharing these words on a public platform. I’m using my voice to say the things I’ve been wanting to say out loud rather than holding them hostage in my head.

My senses are heightened and my discernment is turned all the way up. I know when something is lacking, and when someone is hurting, overcompensating, and acting.

My threshold for substandard performance and meaningless chitchat has reached new lows. I’m allergic to lackluster conversations and superficial engulfment turns me off.

Ego. Still got one, but it’s in check. I know who I need, and who needs me, and I know how to summon them. I learned my lesson from TLC, so I don’t go chasing waterfalls anymore. I let the rivers, lakes, and the work I’m supposed to do, find me.

I’ve become deeply interested in the exterior of my house. Hung out on my patio for the first time in nine years. Even bought a plant that I named “Granny Gran,” in honor of my late paternal great grandmother and grandmother, both of whom passed away long before I entered the world.

I’ve intentionally been more transparent and vulnerable on my podcast, “Gumbo Nights with Miss Handie,” and my episodes are more reflective of all of me.

I’m actually making plans to launch a small business that I’ve been talking about for a decade. Speaking of small business…who knew that they were so vital to the economy? I will never forget now.

Some days I don’t bathe until late in the afternoon, and I’m not the least bit embarrassed. I even hit the McDonald’s drive-thru a few times wearing my cute pajamas.

For breakfast, I’ve lived on Russell Stover chocolates, instant oatmeal, and the kind of sugary cereal that kids adore. I can still fit into my favorite jeans, so I don’t need to sign up for Weight Watchers just yet. I’ve cooked one meal so far that’s not worth mentioning. It involved a helper named hamburger.

One survivor of my former existence was Taco Tuesday. I counted on that staple of normalcy like oxygen. Never thought I’d drive up to my favorite Mexican restaurant and pick up my tacos like a drug deal, but I did for weeks. It was a buy one-get one free high until beef prices went up.

I’m actually tasting the food that I eat and being more selective about what I drink, chew, and swallow. I eat what I want when I want and reset the dial the next day when I know I’ve indulged too much.

Casual Friday is now casual every day. I’m wrapping my body in the first clean garment I can get my hands on. Piles of laundry call my name until I get tired of hearing it. I’m resisting everything that disturbs the harmony of my skin’s pH balance.

Bright colors add zest and vigor to my life. My bright red and pink matte lipsticks are back in rotation on the days when I can muster up enough energy to put on make-up. My plants don’t care what I look like. I don’t need to put on make-up to feel beautiful anymore. In fact, I prefer letting my natural skin show and glow the way God intended. What’s the point in investing the time to paint a canvas that’s hidden behind a pretty mask when I’m out in public? I’ll wait.

Rules? There are none in my house. What works today may not be acceptable by my own standards tomorrow. I make up the rules as I go.

Time? Please! There are no schedules anymore. I slumber deeply during sunny afternoons and spend the wee hours of the night tossing and turning while the “normal folks” are dreaming about waking up.

I wanna be fully engaged in my whole life every day. I wanna put my hands in the clay every day. I wanna be heard and seen and matter every day. I feel free, and I wanna feel free every day for the rest of my life. Charting my own path. For real. Planning my days. For real. Navigating life from the side of my brain that makes the best decisions. For real, for real.

I’m deeply engaged with the work at my 9–5 only 9–5 is more like 9–9 and my creativity has reached new heights. I’m finding new outlets for my new ideas so that I don’t lose my mind during these strange and unprecedented times. I I’ve found new ways to engage with my work that don’t really feel like work.

I’m more appreciative of great leadership as I’m surrounded by great examples of how not to lead. I’ve learned how to manage my own work and dive head first into assignments that fuel and excite me which has led to more assignments that fuel and excite me. Isn’t that the Law of Attraction?

Working from home is the greatest bliss I’ve ever known. I’ve never done drugs but this must be what doing cocaine feels like. What could be better than going to bed when I feel like it and getting lost in a project without being confined by a bra and panties?

Some of my work conference calls commenced while I walked on my stepper… listening closely to voices muted only by the sound of my heavy breathing.

I’m super grateful for the job I recently left for a better one because had I remained where I was I probably wouldn’t have written these words because I probably wouldn’t be working from home.

I’m deeply engaged and more curious than ever about life and everything. I get to spend all day daydreaming about everything or concentrating on nothing. I’m dreaming every night about weird shit that I would never consciously choose to waste my REM on. One night I dreamed that someone stole my wallet, and I woke up with an attitude that lasted until I realized it wasn’t true.

I looked back on what I thought was love last year and rejoiced that I was wrong. Note to self. Send him a thank you card tomorrow and make sure it’s from Hallmark.

Got rid of those old wine skins and replaced them with a new membership that constantly presents me with delicious, assorted choices with which to fill my glass.

Love enhances my days, but it doesn’t consume me anymore. When I hear his voice, I smile and when I don’t, I still smile. That old love that disappointed me is now a cherished memory and a collection of lessons that influence my now.

I’ve decided that I can be a girlfriend or a fan and a fan isn’t an option. Fans anxiously await their mates and are thrilled to receive even the smallest nuggets of time and attention. My life is big and full and whole and just as important as his. We can change the world separately and together.

Clarity is my daily goal…my breakfast of champions. To know myself better than the world does is one hell of an accomplishment, and I think I’m there.

My list of I don’t care is much longer, and I don’t feel bad.

Text messages from well-meaning friends that link to devastating stories about the Coronavirus depress me. Bathing in bad news all day is not the way I want to spend my time.

Unlike some of my extroverted friends, 98% of my Lockdown has been spent in silence…the only voices heard were the ones coming from my television, radio, podcasts, and Amazon Echo. Hearing Alexa’s random good mornings brought me joy. Those two words never meant much but not hearing them left a void that I didn’t even know mattered.

I don’t understand this “new normal” thing because I wasn’t “normal” before Corona. While everyone else was having a good time, I was studying why people do what they do and finding the right words to describe it. While they were working, I was gazing at trees, basking in the sun, and enjoying a cool breeze. While they were going right, I was going left because right just didn’t feel like me.

Popularity has never phased me. Those that are destined to adore me will have no choice and vice-versa. If you’re supposed to know who I am and be part of my experience, we’ve either had a close encounter already or will soon. I trust the universe to handle that stuff.

I still bring my own sunshine to the party, but I’m never late.

I still mind my own business ’cause I’ve got enough on my plate already.

I’ve got nothing to lose, so I’m going for what I want.

Only I know what I know. That’s my superpower…my weapon. The people that choose to hate on me wanna know what I know. Hating on others is not on my menu. I can choose to help or hinder, and it just depends on the day and the energy emitted from those who cross my path. I’d rather go high like the former First Lady Michelle Obama.

I sometimes feel like I’m on an island because only a couple of my friends are as philosophically conscious and sensitive as I am. Yeah, I know what Maya Angelou said. “When you learn, teach. When you get, give.” I’m trying.

God couldn’t have blessed me with better parents. They are the perfect blend of opposites and that dichotomy guides and protects me daily.

I’m washing my hands more and carrying baby wipes everywhere that I go. Cleansing my mind and my body is a daily practice.

I’m listening more to everything…said and not said. I’m reading between the lines.

I’m risking it all and putting my name on it. Yeah I said it, wrote it, etc.

I am inspired by little things. My Mister gave me a beautiful rose from his rosebush that has become a muse for my imagination.

In listening to Amber Khan, I learned that we all have the same mission in life…to help others. It makes so much sense and saves so much time trying to figure out why we showed up. Now we just have to identify our gifted measure of helping others and just do it.

When in doubt, I go to the fountain and let it saturate the dry areas of my life.

Art is everywhere that my eyes choose to envision it as such. Cleaning windows, buildings, and toilets is an art. Mowing grass is an art. Picking up trash, street sweeping, writing, sewing, singing, teaching, speaking, and preaching is all art.

There’s been a national debate about who’s essential (in the world of work) and who’s not. I believe that we’re all essential workers, otherwise we wouldn’t have been hired. How we choose to perform and engage once we’re hired can make us essential or not.

Bad energy bothers me. I can feel it a mile away. I cross the street real fast when I detect bad energy. Toxic people can suck the life out of anything.

Happy Hour now consists of Saturday evening Zoom calls with family from the East coast to the West and everything in the middle. I’m mixing Corona cocktails that were never intended to be a couple or a threesome. Trained bartenders would definitely cringe at my creations.

I’m having long and honest talks with my family members about current events especially those that involve blatant injustice against people of color. Watching people who look like me lose their lives just because they’re black is horrific and disgusting, and it is just as horrific and disgusting as it would be if they didn’t look like me. Watching these tragic stories everyday is a heavy reminder that racism is still deep and real and ugly as ever. Will all humanity ever be universally appreciated and protected?

My wisdom has multiplied beyond my years and life experiences and shows up oftentimes out of nowhere…surprising and enlightening me.

I’ve almost forgotten who I was eight weeks ago, and I’m ecstatic. I wasn’t bad, but I wasn’t being all that I could be, and I definitely wasn’t exhibiting the fullest, deepest, widest, brightest, and highest expression of myself.

I couldn’t go back to who I was even if I wanted to. That old me disappeared the first time I pushed my body to its daily limit. Didn’t take 21 days for that to become a habit either. In fact, it took less than 24 hours. Tasting the victory of success was addictive, and I crave it as much as the french fries and caramel lattes with extra caramel that I love so much.

Social distancing has been pure heaven for this hard core introvert. I couldn’t be happier being alone because I like me. Whoever thought of the Lockdown must be a Rhodes Scholar. I needed this time to discover more of me.

I’ve discovered that I have more than I’ll ever need and all that I wanted.

I’m writing in the margins, filling in the gaps, chasing dreams, and creating the world that I know it can be every time I close my eyes.

I feel like I’ve been born again…like when I walked down to the front of the church at seven years old and dedicated my life to Christ. I’m more connected to God, the universe, nature, my thoughts, my emotions, my goals, and the way that I express myself.

My soul has been lifted to a really sweet place. I don’t want to go back to who I was before the Lockdown. This version of life feels so much better, so much simpler, so much lighter, and simply greater.

How can I best describe my Lockdown philosophy on life? I’m glad you asked. I’m reminded of the lyrics so eloquently delivered by Lauren Hill. “Nothing even matters at all.” Yet, everything matters.

Where am I going with this new version of me? I have no idea. All I know is that I’m leaning in…all the way in on purpose and making the best of an uncomfortable situation. I truly hope that you can also find a way to lean in the way that works best for you.

Option B is now our universal “new normal,” so let’s kick the shit out of it like Sheryl Sandberg did when her life turned upside down. I don’t know about you, but I’m not the same person that I was before COVID-19, and I’m absolutely thrilled about it!

P. S. I’d love to hear from you. Please leave a comment below so that we can connect and encourage one another. I will respond to every comment. I promise.