Laughing Our Way to a Better Marriage
Dads’ Survival Guide: Partnering — Our Marriages
Me: “How was the flight?” The family had just arrived on the West Coast for Spring Break.
My wife: “Horrible.”
“Horrible? What happened?”
“I looked over during the flight, and all four of our children were watching your dopey Monty Python movie! Horrible.”
Ahh yes, Monty Python. In search of the Holy Grail. Hilarious. Ingenious. That unique brand of English slapstick. No doubt, an acquired taste. Apparently, one my wife never acquired.
As kids, my brother and I listened to Monty Python day after day. Till we memorized every line. Then we stood in line. To see the movie. And memorized every line. One of my all-time favorites.
Like any Dad, I wanted to share this Monty Python hilarity with my kids. During COVID, we watched the Holy Grail movie together. A bit inappropriate. But funny.
All good. Till my wife caught wind. She’s no fan of their comedy. In fact, she finds their bits infantile. Ridiculous. Rubbish.
And indeed, they are silly. Which makes them so funny. To me. And the kids. Fortunately, my wife tells the story of the Monty Python flight with a chuckle. Over and over. Its funny. To her. And we always laugh about it.
Sometimes, a good laugh is the best thing for a marriage. Yet, all too often married life can feel challenging. Pressured. Anything but funny. It wasn’t always that way. So how do Dads find our way back to the light-heartedness in our marriage?
Healthy
”A cheerful heart is good medicine,” wrote King Solomon in Proverbs, his biblical book of wise sayings.
“Laughter heals all wounds,” notes the wise comedian Kevin Hart. “That’s one thing everybody shares. No matter what you’re going through, laughter makes you forget your problems.”
Research shows that people with a sense of humor have fewer physical illnesses. According to the Mayo Clinic, laughter stimulates our heart and lungs. Enhances circulation. Aids with muscle relaxation. When we laugh, our body releases health-enhancing endorphins. Boosting antibody production. Which makes our immune systems stronger.
Laughter also lowers our cortisol and epinephrine levels. Reducing stress. While relieving pain. And that’s no joke.
Problem is, we don’t laugh anymore. According to one study, children laugh about 400 times per day. Adults, only 15 times a day. We’ve grown into sourpusses.
A Common Language
Who can laugh nowadays? With the forever foreboding news cycle. A pandemic. Existential climate threats. Divisive human behavior. Every day feels dark. And ominous.
“Laughter is a universal human vocabulary,” noted Researcher Robert Provine, “There are thousands of languages, hundreds of thousands of dialects, but everyone speaks laughter in pretty much the same way.”
No matter our background or political persuasion, we can all laugh. Together. “A wonderful thing about true laughter,” wrote Monty Python’s John Cleese, “Is that it destroys any system of dividing people.”
Humor comes in a variety of forms. Slapstick. Silliness and absurdity. Self-deprecating. Witticisms. Topical or observational; making fun of our shared experiences. From the earliest days of court jesters and circus clowns, humor has been used to amuse and entertain. Distracting our attention from the seriousness of any situation.
In Victor Frankl’s book Man’s Search for Meaning, the holocaust survivor recounted how humor helped him and others survive imprisonment. Every day, Frankl and fellow inmates conjured up amusing stories to help them cope with the horrors they faced.
“The human race has one really effective weapon,“ wrote Mark Twain, “And that’s laughter.”
Healthy Relationships
Humor is essential to healthy relationships. Laughter bonds couples together. Fostering a sense of playfulness. Shared abandon. Buffering against the stresses of everyday life.
In study after study, couples say humor has a positive impact on their marriages. In fact, couples who share the same sense of humor and laugh together are more likely to stay together. According to Laura Kurtz at North Carolina Chapel Hill, shared laughter is an objective indicator of relational well-being.
“Playfulness between romantic partners is a crucial component to bonding and establishing relational security,” noted a University of Kansas study. The humor that we as couples create together is a key component of relationship satisfaction.
And while both husbands and wives were found to be happier with a humorous partner, this trait was far more important for wives than husbands.
Seriously, Laugh
So, laughing is good. For our health. And the health of our marriage. Yet, Dads don’t laugh all that much. Even less so with our wives.
Pressure from work. Financial strains. Parenting woes. A Dad’s life can be a rollercoaster of ups and downs. Which can be anxiety-ridden. Or fun.
Sure, Dads face serious issues. Moms too. Bringing up a family is full of challenges. But maybe, just maybe, we’re all taking ourselves too seriously. In our effort to get it all right, we forget that each of us is making this up as we go. There is no handbook. No right way. We’re going to mess up. Yet, we always find a way out.
So, rather than white-knuckle the rollercoaster of life, enjoy the ride. Laugh off our mistakes. Relish the hilarity of the everyday. It’s okay to be silly. Witty. Corny. And fun. With our kids. And our wives. Especially with our wives.
Dads are funny. We’re built that way. Part of the Dad DNA. Our sense of humor is often what brought us and our wives together in the first place. So, let’s do what Dads do best. Laugh. A lot. Together.
Go, Dads. Go.