Language and Decorum
The expansive digital world has asked us to be more expressive online and has opened a world of like-minded people together. We no longer need to meet face to face, but virtually, we connect. This may be an easier concept for anyone born in an era where the internet and smartphones are well and truly present. This is the norm for the typical Gen Z, where friends and communication are often mostly online. With lockdown, my Tweens have more resorted to Roblox, Minecraft or YouTube to connect with virtual friends. My son is obsessed with plane designs and aeronautical technology. His friend is a famous YouTuber and expert in the field, and often he will be checking his messages. Likewise, my daughter has her school friends on Roblox but they have also made friends whom they perhaps will only meet on the virtual platform. It sounds very odd (to me typical Gen X), but this is all normal for them.
This brings me to the important topic of communication and communication skills. When tapping into the Virtual world, very often Cyber Bullying becomes a huge concern for any parent and child. When I dig a little deeper, often I notice that using profanity has become the norm, the expression du jour and sounding vulgar in public is no longer an embarrassment. And yet we all wear masks, literally as well as metaphorically. We often do not want to reveal our true selves and choose to live in a virtual image of some facade. So when did we allow profane language to become normal? Since when was the use of profanity at the drop of a hat, become cool or an expression of passion? If my children see another child of their age use bad language they immediately alert me. My son is a little more accepting than my daughter, but the point is they both know that such language is unacceptable be it at home or at school. Hearing people swear on the streets has become a sign of distress for them, a sign of despair. Their reaction is often: “It’s this never-ending lockdown, it makes people overreact!”.
Freedom of Speech… Not freedom to offend or be offensive
In more recent times, in my homeland, this lady was arrested for the overuse of imaginative language on Facebook. She spent a night in jail and was released on bail, and her mental wellness was brought to light. As a psychologist, I would think that perhaps she has certain issues to address. But the reaction to her tirade opened a can of worms: freedom of free speech. I believe that freedom of speech comes with huge responsibilities, and the use of profanity may defeat its purpose and somewhat insult this freedom that we are all blessed with. A scene from a 90’s movie comes to mind: Demolition Man. Sylvester Stallone swears and a series of paper slips pop out of an ATM machine. The Verbal Morality Statute was violated, and he gets fined for every profanity. Well, funny of course as I cannot fathom the idea of a Big Brother watching us, but aren't we being monitored anyway, via our smartphones. So do we need to swear to prove a point, do we need to be remanded to jail to prove a point, or is that stretching Freedom of Expression a bit too far?
Profane language is too often used in corporate contexts and sometimes in some Parliaments. As politicians are often televised, how would they feel if they knew their children were watching whilst they liberated vile expressions of their minds and allowed their tongues to slip out. It is not just parliamentarian or the enraged trader on the Stock Exchange floor, no. Artists, dead or alive resort to flowery language to express anger or to make a point. Why? As a parent, I would feel like an utter failure if my Tweens continuously swore, to me it is not just a lack of respect to their parents but to themselves. Swearing opens you to be sworn at. Isn’t that opening one to emotional abuse? Violence and aggression are not just limited to the physical body but to the emotional self too.
Media…social or anti-social?
Have we got social media to blame for? Perhaps for the younger generation, but I grew up in the 80’s/90’s when Hollywood thought that Brat Packs had to swear to look and act cool. Interestingly, I hardly hear the use of profanity on Netflix but Bollywood now believes that the use of profane language is liberating for men and women alike. Thus, my point, do we feel so restricted in our Freedom for Expression? Have we lost the ability to truly be heard and feel heard? Or are we expressing aggression and normalising the use of colourful language to be seen as being cool? I watched a great movie recently, The Gentlemen. I wish a lot of bleep had not been used instead, but am mature enough to know how to blank the utterance of the female genitalia. I did not find these bits funny at all, but the plot was too good for me to stop watching. Somehow a friend focused on just that and perhaps the film or the plot had not made such an impact on him. To him, the film was great because of the profanity, and the verbal liberation of vulgarity. I won’t judge. But it gets me thinking about how friendships or any relationships can gently find an end when parties do not agree on the loss of decorum. Are we comfortable in maintaining relationships that lack decorum?
Communication….
Perhaps language and use of proper communication cause bifurcation of some sort: what is acceptable to some may not be acceptable to me. Perhaps I am being a bit too harsh to judge. By no means am I judging anyone with a syndrome such as Tourette’s, who cannot simply control the use of profanity? I am not here to judge anyone with a mental health issue, or anyone who feels that the only way to express is through aggression. If anything, a sign of a child using aggression to express himself or herself needs more love, compassion and ultimately, independent help. Ultimately, verbal aggression is a sign of deep unhappiness.
I cannot pretend that I have never sworn or that my Tweens have not let a bleep out. But when it does (rarely) happen, we catch ourselves and regulate. Perhaps it is a deprogramming from the Hollywood fodder of the 80/90’s. Perhaps we are now wearing our Liz Taylor and Cary Grant’s hats again. Well, why not? Conducting oneself in decorum is a beautiful norm.