Ladies, You Are Single Until You’re Married. Act Like It!

Aren’t you tired of whining about sacrificing your life for a man and getting dumped for no reason?

I know a lot of niggas will get pissed about this truth because I’m basically taking away their trump card.

Oh well, this b*tch ain’t afraid to speak her truth. Men hate it when we hit them where it hurts, but will show no mercy when discarding women they’ve overused.

Watch this video, and see how men react when you take away their power over you.

Do you get it now, Sis?

These niggas know that giving you the title “girlfriend” gets you out of the market without locking you in for life.

So sis, if you have been in that relationship for over two years and your mind is set on making that man your future husband, sit tight because I’m about to reveal why you will not make it to the alter in the near future.

Oh, wait! Future seems polite. You want the hard truth, right? You will NEVER be his wife. You are just a toy until his preference comes along.

After dating several men, both young and old, poor and rich, educated and illiterate, mature and immature, civil and sophisticated (I don’t date barbarians), married and singles, I have identified a pattern in men that speaks a lot about how they regard their women.

When a man sees you as his lifelong partner, his actions say it, not his words. But when a man sees you as an option? Girl, his words say it all.

And I don’t mean those smooching comments he makes to prove he loves you. No! You need to read between the lines. When he says, “Oh, baby my child will be ‘this,’ ‘this,’ or ‘that’.” Then you quickly correct him to ‘our child, and he laughs and kisses your cheek.

Girl, that is his right brain talking. He meant exactly what you heard. That child is going to be with another woman and that is not you.

Ugo, my childhood friend calls me a clairvoyant because she believes I’m good at reading the future. She’s right, though. I do have a gift for deciphering the human mind.

But my friends didn’t believe in my ability when I told her that her relationship with her long-time ex-boyfriend was a wild goose chase thirteen years ago and that she should get out and give other men a chance.

You see Ugo is like my sister. We became friends in preschool after I punched her in the stomach during a fight. She was a kind and gentle girl. Knowing her nature, I’m pretty sure I started the fight. I don’t remember her fighting back.

Luckily, her parents were doctors and had a hospital so she was rushed in, but no major injury was sustained. She had slight discomfort in her tummy and missed school for a few days. I felt guilty about my actions. Back then, my fist would speak faster than my words. My temperament always got me into trouble.

Anyway, when Ugo returned to school, I apologized and she forgave me immediately. We became friends and inseparable. When other girls picked on her, she had me to defend her. Her parents started calling me her protector and would send me gifts through her.

After we graduated from high school, we both got admission into the university. Ugo followed her parents’ path and was studying medicine. I chose Public Administration. We were in different universities but our friendship remained strong despite the distance and communication barrier.

I was still in the first semester when I had my accident. I dropped out of school. I was pregnant and was dealing with depression as a result of the changes in my body. My life had taken a 360-degree turn in a blink of an eye. Trust me the last thing on my mind was school.

But this is not sop story, so cheer up. The best part you are waiting for is coming.

Ugo started dating her ex-boyfriend, Eden, in her first year. She was from a conservative family and having learned parents made her principles more grounded. She believed the man who would disvirgin her would be her husband.

So when she started dating Eden she didn’t get intimate with him until her second year and he was in his final year. She was convinced they had a future together so she would support the guy financially and otherwise.

She would send me emails about her super boyfriend, how much he treasured her and how he didn’t have any other girlfriend aside from her.

I was happy she had found her dream guy.

And the fact he was thinking about marrying her after he graduated and secured a job was even more convincing that his intentions for her were good.

After all, marriage is all our conservative parents planted in our heads whenever we talk about boys.

When Eden, graduated he proposed to Ugo before he began his horsemanship. He said he didn’t want to lose her and wanted to be sure she would wait for him.

My friend couldn’t be more thrilled. When she visited me, we celebrated her engagement and the countdown began.

She was so excited she had the title “fiancée.” Their relationship was already three years old and she was in her third year. She wasn’t in a rush to be married, but it would take another eight years before Eden would become a specialist surgeon in Nigeria.

Although he promised Ugo that after his horsemanship and NYSC, which is a two-year program, he would be qualified to get a job as a medical officer. Then they will start planning their wedding.

When a man finds a wife, he doesn’t need money to make her one.

I have observed that most marriages that lasted till one of the couple died are those that got married when they had nothing.

It might shock you to believe that loyal women don’t list wealth and materialistic assets in their criteria for a life partner. Only the gold diggers do.

So when I hear some men in long-term relationships of over five years say they are saving money for a wedding or looking for a high-paying job to make more money and so on, I know he’s just making excuses.

You don’t need to have a big luxurious wedding in other to get a marriage license and a woman who truly loves you will contribute to lifting the financial burden after the wedding.

After my dad died, my family moved to the United States. However, Ugo and I stayed in contact through Skype, messenger, and postcards.

When her boyfriend got his first job, she was in her final year. He had bought a car, moved into a comfortable apartment and Ugo would visit anytime she was on break. Their relationship was going strong from what I heard and my friend still had her engagement ring on.

Ugo had been engaged for six years and was preparing for her house officer’s training. Whenever she reminded her fiancé about marriage plans, he would tell her to wait a while and let them save some money first.

He suggested it was better for her to secure a job too so they won’t have any financial burden. He would tell my friend, “I want to give you the same comfortable life your parents gave you and even more.”

My friend thought she had hit the jackpot. She had a loving partner who made her happiness and welfare his priority. She felt secure so she accepted his suggestion.

Unfortunately, Ugo’s parents wanted her to do her medical residency in the UK. However, she has to live in the UK for three years to qualify for UK medical residency. Her parents decided she would get both her medical degree and residency in the UK which means she will be out of the country for six years — away from Eden.

Ugo refused her parents’ decision. She wanted to do the residency in Nigeria to cut down on the years she would spend to become a surgeon.

When she told me of her parent’s decision, I advised her to follow her parent's judgement. They are in the field and know what’s best for her. But my friend was only concerned about losing Eden.

I did what any reasonable girlfriend would do at this point. I asked her if she was willing to remain a medical officer if Eden did marry her. Because her parents had threatened to hand off her career if she insisted on her foolishness.

She can get a job as a medical officer on a miserly pay. Eden is already doing his residency and he’s not showing any interest in marriage at that time.

He would make up excuses about the delay. And he didn’t want my friend to leave for the country. He told her he would make money after his residency and she wouldn’t need to worry about anything even if she didn’t pursue her career any further.

He told her by the time she starts having babies they will take her time and she will need to stay at home to raise their children.

When I heard how convinced my friend was to give up her career, I called bullshit for what it was. I was so furious at her. At this point, I told her to get on the first flight to the UK and leave that sick man she calls her fiance and do as her parents said.

But she didn’t listen to me or anyone for that matter who was in support of her leaving the country far away from Eden. That would mean ending the relationship. She said marriage and family were worth the sacrifice she was making.

She got a job at a private hospital in the same state where Eden was doing his residency to prove to everyone that they were meant to be together.

When Eden passed his residency and moved to another state, she moved with him too. He became a psychiatric surgeon and was earning over a million naira ($4000) from his job and other part-time contracts.

Ugo was still wearing her engagement ring with no marriage plans insight. She was earning eighty thousand naira a month (equivalent to $300) at the time when a dollar was two hundred and eighty naira. And the job was wearing her out. She also started complaining that Eden doesn’t pay attention to her like he used to.

They were living separately. He said he didn’t want her to move in with him so her parents wouldn’t think he was ruining their child’s image.

I laughed hard at the one. This guy wasn’t specialized in psychiatry for nothing. He knew how to manipulate and guilty trip. He knew he already had a wife without the papers so why would he want to indict himself with legal documents?

How to Tell a Man Is Only With You for Convenience

When I could no longer tolerate my friend’s ignorance and her foolishness to remain in the relationship after fifteen long years? I asked her again, why she was still with Eden.

“Clearly, this man was using you when he was in the university because you were his meal ticket. You bailed him out whenever he needed money, he didn’t spend on sex and you acted like his mother. Since you met him, you are been his mother and wife at the same time.” Ugo was speechless.

“And all these years, you have been on pregnancy control patches. If you are not using patches, you are on pills. Whenever you take it in, he will abort it himself. Yet, you don’t see anything wrong in your relationship dynamic?”

She didn’t know what to do at this point. Her so-called fiance now travels abroad like a bird. Money wasn’t the issue anymore.

He travelled to South Africa once with Ugo the first time he left the country. Then he frequently travels Europe and the UK whenever he’s on leave. He says Ugo’s job doesn’t give her time to take trips.

What a clown!

He continued to act like a dutiful boyfriend. But his work took more of his time. He would encourage Ugo to be patient, he was saving for their house. He wanted the house completed before their wedding.

Funny enough, Ugo believed him. She was such a loyal dummy. I tried so hard to take off the log in her eyes so she could see the deceit in front of her. She was losing her reproductive years for a man who didn’t deserve her.

She had been noticing Eden’s strange behaviors whenever they were together. But she could prove if he was cheating or not. If he kept another woman, he did a clean job and left no traces.

One day, my friend broke down. She was burned out and had to resign from the job. Eden was supportive. He provided her with all she needed. He even suggested she set up a boutique and be her own boss.

He told her she would travel to Dubai or Italy to purchase her wares. He would fund her trips until she began to make profits from the business.

“Isn’t it great, Som?” Ugo asked in excitement.

I was dumbfounded. She wasn’t getting it. He was buying her off instead of making her his wife. I wiped bitterly inside.

“Don’t you get the point, Ugo?” I cut her off.

“He’s never going to marry you. He feels indebted to you so he is doing all these so you won’t accuse him of abandoning you. And he won’t break up with you unless you do.”

I advised her to start saving money from every penny he gives her so she can return to medical school and complete her medical qualifications.

When she had saved some money, she said she wanted to visit me in the United States. I was living by myself at that time and I was working as a delivery girl at a pizza store and a part-time model. I sent her an invitation letter but her fiance sponsored the trip.

When she came over, I had the opportunity to slap out the log from her eyes with my words. She saw the reasons behind what I said. But still insisted on discussing her study plans with Eden since he was the one who would sponsor her education.

I decided to approach her parents on the subject. They were happy I contacted them and that I was able to convince my friend to complete her studies. They also agreed to fund her studies if she was serious about returning to school.

Ugo cried and cried. She recounted the years she had wasted. Hoping and expecting that one day her fears would be dissolved. But I told her this wasn’t the time for tears. We designed a plan to catch Eden in his trap.

First, when she got back, after two months she was going to pretend she was pregnant and she refused to abort the child. Secondly, she will insist he pays her dowry before her pregnancy shows. Finally, she was going to demand he make out days he would be with her since he no longer spent time with her.

Our plan was going accordingly until he revealed that he had a two-year-old child from another woman. He wanted to let her know before going to meet her parents for the dowry ceremony.

Ugo was in shock. So if she hadn’t forced him to make up his mind about their relationship she would have been left in the dark for god knows how long.

My friend was inconsolable. She had nothing to show for her fifteen years in the relationship. The boutique he promised her was just talks. He never pulled through with it and would use his ongoing house project as an excuse to delay his promise.

I understand when women love, they give themselves and more into the relationship. But at some point, you have to look back and ask yourself, where that path will lead you? What is your partner sacrificing for the relationship?

If his priorities are all he cares about but his works speak the opposite, that’s a red flag. If can’t say he loves you and wants the best for you but won’t invest his time and resources in making your dreams his priority.

The length of a relationship doesn’t guarantee its stability. Until you sign those papers that officially make you his wife, no matter how long you stay with him, you are still single.

Women in relationships easily give their boyfriend husbands privileges but men never return the same. So when you love a man, try to leave a piece of your heart for you, even if he says you mean the world to him. If you have been engaged for six months, marriage should take place within the next six months.

Yes, because engagement should signify that you are ready to be married and begin a family with that person. This is the courtship stage where both parties reveal how their lives will be after marriage.

And if they are honest with each other, the transition into marriage will be smooth without doubts in each other.

If you are stuck with an indecisive man, check out this story. Don’t forget to share your thoughts in the comment section and subscribe for more.