Ladies, Take Care of Your Own Finances

Summary

The article emphasizes the importance of women maintaining financial independence and good credit even within a relationship.

Abstract

The author, drawing from personal experience, advises women to manage their own finances separately from their partners. Despite being in a committed relationship, she highlights the risks of relying on a partner's financial stability, recounting how she was left with debt and poor credit after a relationship ended. She details her journey of rebuilding her credit by paying off a high-interest credit card consistently over two years without incurring further debt. Now married to a man with excellent credit, she continues to improve her own credit score and actively works towards financial independence. The author advocates for having separate bank accounts, being prepared for unexpected life events, and striving for multiple income streams to ensure one's own financial security and that of their family.

Opinions

The author believes that entrusting one's financial well-being entirely to a male partner is a mistake, as personal experience taught her the perils of such dependency.
She suggests that women should not rely on their partner's good credit, as circumstances can change, leaving them financially vulnerable.
The author recommends a cautious approach to credit management, such as avoiding new lines of credit for two years and ensuring no missed payments or collections.
She emphasizes the importance of financial independence within marriage, ensuring that women are prepared for any scenario, including the potential loss of a partner's income.
The author reveals her personal goal of saving 10k in liquid assets as a form of self-made life insurance, showing her commitment to planning for the future.
She points out that many married women make the mistake of not worrying about their financial situation, which she believes is a detrimental approach.
The author's advice is influenced by her medical history and the realization that life is unpredictable, reinforcing the need for personal financial resilience.
She expresses a wish that her mother had also prioritized financial independence, suggesting that this mindset could have left her

Ladies, Take Care of Your Own Finances

I will not give you dating or marriage advice, because, like Halsey sings,” I’m bad at love.” One thing I’ve learned from an adult life of chronic monogamy, it’s easy to entrust a male partner with your financial well being. I’m here to tell you don’t.

Marriage provides you a little shelter legally from an ex. My ex boyfriend, not husband, used to pay the electric bill. Towards the end, he stopped paying. By the time I figured it out, I had 3k in debt. Because it was in my name, the only way to recoup any of it was small claims court. I was in a custody battle, he didn’t pay child support for six months. I did not have the energy or resources to fight for justice. It was easier to take the hit and dig my way out myself.

I was in an eleven year relationship, with a man who didn’t learn how to hold a job until the end. Hello? What was I doing? I don’t know. That’s probably a good question for my therapist. During that relationship, I allowed my credit to be destroyed. I thought, as long as one of us had good credit, we would be okay. I did not imagine being a single girl, with terrible credit in need of an apartment or a car. I advise every woman to treat herself as an individual in a relationship financially. Never think you will be okay because he has good credit. Once the relationship was over, I set out to rebuild my credit.

I got a credit card, that basically anyone can get, bad interest rate, low limit. I paid on time for two years. Slowly, very slowly, my score began to rise. I did not allow anything , medical or otherwise to ding my report any further. No collections, no missed payments. No bad marks for two years. I did not apply for new lines of credit in that two year period. Two years is the magic number for credit inquiries. 1–2 in any given two year period. At the two year mark, I applied for a better card, higher limit, more perks, better interest rate. My credit was now at a respectable point. It was not great, but it was good enough to get me into my own place without a cosigner.

I am married now. My husband has immaculate credit. The best credit score I’ve ever seen. That says a lot because I was a mortgage banker. I saw credit scores every day. I am still working to improve mine. I’m only 50 points behind him. I qualify for the best interest rates on cars, can buy a house solo and my score is in the excellent zone.

Now that I’ve worked so hard to rebuild my own outlook, I’m working hard to build my financial independence. This is a mistake I believe many married women make. They believe that if they have a husband, they don’t need to worry about much financially. They are a part of a team, where one member, based on gender has a better earning potential than the other. Married women tend to relax. This might be my anxiety talking, always thinking of the worst case scenario, but I think we’d all be a little better off if we spent some time doing that. I had a brush with death in October. I had a stroke that could have easily killed me. Because of my medical history, I do not qualify for life insurance plans, none that are worth the cost. My fear was leaving the Earth and leaving my family to foot the bill for my funeral. Morbid, I know. But, I faced the idea head on and it motivated me to create my own life insurance policy in liquid assets through saving. I have yet to reach my goal. I want 10k in liquid assets to cover last expenses. By the way, my husband and I have separate bank accounts. I pay my own bills, he pays his own. That said, if something happens between my husband and I, having 10k in liquid assets allows me to be ready to restart my life if need be. I also cannot bank on my husband always being here providing for my family. What happens if something happens to him? I need to up my income so I can afford the house payment and vehicles if need be. That is why I am working towards multiple income streams. I want to make as much as he does per month or more. I cover some of the bills so I need to be able to keep covering some of them, plus his. I want to be able to keep my family at their current standard of living no matter what happens with my husband. When I explained my line of thinking to my mother she said wistfully that she never did that or thought that way because she trusted my father. I wish she had. She’s comfortable and safe, but she might be doing much better now, if she had. Ideally, I’d love to live a long life married and never have to worry about these things. But the reality is, as women, it is smart to not rest on our laurels. Live each day as if you might have to go it alone tomorrow.