GORILLA PHILOSOPHICAL WARFARE
Koko and Her Gorilla Pals Debate Philosophy With Smillew
Captive primates signal impressions of ancient philosophers
“There is nothing to fear but fear itself. And Ativan will fix that.” — Lizzie Lizard Brain
The genius of philosophers often isn’t recognized during their lifetimes.
Smillew Rahcuef will surely join the ranks of Plato, Socrates, and Bugs Bunny should our species endure. Braving the Great Twitter Wars of 2023, the skilled orator’s often profound, clever quips amuse many. He earns titles like “King Smillew Milieu,” “Rahcuef’s Gray Matters,” and the troll default, “Asshat.”
Promoting intelligent philosophical debate on a woman’s number of sexual partners, clickbait and emotional manipulation can be a challenge. Little heavy lifting was necessary when musing on the life and humanity’s influence on the captive gorilla Koko.
Koko (1971–2018) was a gorilla born in a zoo who “enjoyed” being an experimental subject for (almost) five decades of her life.
The great ape’s use of sign language helped her communicate the immortal message, “Koko is love. Nature is love. Both love humans. But Humans stupid. Stop destroying Earth.”
Socrates, Confucious, Barbie in her Dream House, and Nietzsche couldn’t have put it better.
Koko’s younger “friend” Michael also learned signals. Besides expressing the complexities of relationship frustrations through the speed, power, and amount of poop hurled at one another, they used sign language.
The middle finger was a favorite.
Researchers didn’t witness the Wednesday night “What?” philosophical discussion among a group of existential primates.
Quotes from Rene Descartes, The Roadrunner, and Nietzche appeared on a hidden agenda in 2007.
Several undercover primates shared their thoughts on consciousness, motivation, and the danger of being seen by humans.
Their kids lived in harmony — a good sign for conflicted believers.
While not everyone could agree on how to spend their time dealing with the complexities of the Universe, The Watchers and Thinkers kept peace.
As the kids grew so did their curiosity, varied success with meditation, and attempts to uphold community standards.
Not all of the parents were on the same page in their philosophical, religious, or socialization teaching methods. A swinging-by-the-feet group reportedly spent too much time watching YouTube where they were told a small amount of trauma would prepare their children for success.
The Radley boy was a concern.
The wise philosopher primates debated the circles of Hell and whether humans possess intelligence.
Why Camus wouldn’t pick a pebble instead of a giant boulder in his never-ending absurd trek uphill dominated much of the conversation.
Meek Milo went to the hills to reflect on why the doomed soul didn’t swing from his tail, and what was so great about a rock.
Taking a cue from Descartes while acknowledging the absurdity of life, only one thought was agreed on — “We eat, therefore, we poop.”
Don’t feel bad for Wise Willey. He’s not conflicted — he’s constipated.
Glycerine suppositories will be dropped via Amazon drones by Tuesday.
Parts of Koko’s life in captivity may have been pleasant, and she surely helped researchers understand gorilla intelligence. Yet I can’t help but think she and fellow caged zoo animals belong in their natural habitat.
All living organisms must adapt to their environment to survive. Safety and security afforded by not having to fight and hunt are comfortable, but come at the cost of self-sufficiency.
Communication in whatever language skills we possess helps break down barriers and broadens our understanding of other cultures.
Let’s do that, but not through cages.
Meanwhile, Smillew and other Mediumizens can be found lost in the jungles of X (or Twitter, or Musk’s ego) engaged in gorilla combat with words and good ideas.
Thanks to Smillew Rahcuef for permission and the best Freud line. 🐵🍌
Copyright © 2023 Patricia Jeanne
Lizzie Lizard Brain now has her own profile and is thinking of starting a publication/massive identity theft ring. She can get a little dark and manic in her enthusiasm.
