Kissing Frogs Dreaming of a Prince

Meet after meet taught me to appreciate the guy I finally found

Meet after meet, with endless men. Kissing frogs, waiting for a prince.

Looking for a lover wasn’t as easy as it seemed.

I kept notes on dates so I could remember the shit show:

Anthony: Black coffee for both of us. His wife was sick with cancer and Lyme disease, and he was sticking with her because it was the right thing to do. I wanted to give him a hug. Why couldn’t I be attracted to him? He deserved sex.

Chris: Chai tea for me and a latte for him. Tall and preppy and sailing. No, go for both of us. He’s too young for me. He was thinking, “She’s too old for me.”

Jon: I don’t remember what I ordered because I didn’t even remove my coat. I was rejected. That was fast. Dammit, and I thought I looked halfway decent today.

Drew: I bought my own coffee since he was sitting down already in the back and didn’t seem interested. Later, he’d Kik me, asking, “When are we going to get a room?” Um, never?

Mike: I bought my own coffee because I got there first. He came in, and my heart sank. Oh, no, how long is this going to last?

Scott: No coffee. No attraction. But an interesting conversation. “I like women because they have more holes.” What? Did I hear that correctly? You have got to be kidding me. One gender was enough competition.

Drew: He bought me coffee. Much older than he said he was. Yellow teeth. “Are you feeling this?” Ugh, no.

Ethan: He bought me breakfast but was late and on his cell half the time. “Please excuse me, I need to get this.” Really?

Bill: He asked if I wanted coffee since he was there first. “No thanks, I’m good,” I said. No attraction whatsoever. Why am I doing this again?

Mike: He bought me coffee, and we talked for hours. Chemistry, but the distance was an issue. He wanted me to go to him, he wouldn’t come to me. “I have to think about time frames, and what if something happens?” “Yeah, but I will make it worth your while.” Don’t think so.

David: He bought me a latte. Smart and interesting, but not sure if there was a spark. I couldn’t get a read on him. Is he interested? Is he not? If I have to guess, I’m going with no.

Tony: No coffee. Met for a walk. No attraction on his end. I wasn’t it. He was sexy, too. Damn.

Joe: So much chemistry that I felt like my skin was on fire. I didn’t need a caffeine buzz — I was already high. But, he wanted a strictly “no feels” affair, and I wasn’t buying into it. Sex only. Yes, my pussy said. No, my brain shouted. Oh, the temptation…

Bob: He bought me coffee, and I felt a distinct possibility, but he disappeared abruptly with “family issues.” Months later, I got a text, “How are you?” I’m still here and not answering.

Wayne: No. Didn’t take off my coat. Enough said.

Rich: “We both know why we are doing this,” he announced as he sat down. Can we pretend to try to like each other for five minutes? I really gotta go…

Dan: He bought me lunch. Great rapport online, in person, not so much. I was disappointed. Looks are definitely necessary.

Bill: He bought me a black coffee, and we talked and laughed for an hour. Too bad, he wasn’t closer. Scheduling was never going to work. “Let’s keep in touch,” and we text from time to time. “Have you found someone?” “Not yet. You?” “Still at it. Sad face crying emoji.”

Tom: No coffee. Lots of rapport online. In-person, I don’t think either of us was attracted. Our fun conversations were forced in person. “We should be friends, at least.” That will never last.

Matthew: He bought me coffee. Lots of rapport but the distance was the killer, again. “When I’m up here, we can meet up.” “I’d really like someone I can see more often.” Damn geography!

Matt: He bought me a decaf coffee. We had fun but not enough attraction on my end. “You look beautiful in that top.” Thanks, but no thanks.

Tony: He bought me coffee. We talked for hours, and we had zinging chemistry except his damn job was eating him alive. No time for an affair. Why do I fall for the unavailable workaholics?

Damien: No coffee, just a walk. So much online rapport but none for me in person. “What do you think of me?” “Uh, I think I’m not feeling it.” Fuck…well, that wasn’t going to happen.

David: He bought me lunch. Chemistry in person but a distinct lack of brains coupled with arrogance wasn’t boding well for a potential lover. “I’m so good you will be thrilled.” If you have to say it…

Mark: No coffee, just a walk. Chemistry to spare, but he wasn’t communicative enough for my taste. Days would pass without a text and then, “I wanna fuck.” Woah? Am I hooker on call? Just hire a pro.

David: Cold brew’s for both of us, which he ordered on his app. Smart and clever but not enough chemistry to bridge the distance. I wanted it to work, believe me. We were both tired of looking.

Bryan: He bought me a chai latte. Chemistry in person but distance, scheduling, and communication were issues — no texts for a week and then, “HEY” out of the blue. “Is everything ok?” I didn’t answer.

Mike: We had drinks. A margarita for me and a beer for him. So smart and fun online. I was really hoping it would pan out in person. He was a decade younger than me. “Are you interested?” “We should keep looking.”

Another Mike: Bought me coffee. Swinger and poly. Skeeved me out with so many partners. Very handsome with a huge package. “I was visualizing your ass in that skirt.” Could I? No, I shouldn’t.

Joe: We had drinks. White wine for me and soda for him. Kind of odd, but he didn’t imbibe. Sex was his poison of choice. We were cracking jokes and making repartee so witty that my face hurt from smiling. A man who was smart and fun online and in-person? Eureka! Chemistry! A potential lover in the making. FINALLY.

30 guys and counting. Caffeine buzz to spare. Neurons lost. Incalculable. Way too much time wasted. I wasn’t getting carpal tunnel in my thumbs from texting for nothing!

I hoped to find a guy amongst all the choices that would thrill me. Yet it wasn’t so easy. See above.

Meet after meet taught me to appreciate the guy I finally found.

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