Kindness Starts with Me

It starts with you too.

“Be Kind to you today.” I hear that one a lot. “Don’t forget to be kind to yourself.”

These are sage words. As I grow older, giving advice seems less important than taking it. Acting on kindness makes me feel good. What is most important is to understand what these words mean to me.

Being kind to others

Life throws chaos and troubles at you. Sometimes it’s hard to know what direction to turn. I’ve struggled with weight and self-image since I was a teen. My life has had ups and downs with a spouse who was away for long periods. I had to learn how to solo raise a child in those years. I tried to remember that we were still a family no matter what part of the world he was in.

Moving from place to place and starting new jobs each time took a toll.

The stress of this was tremendous. I could have taken that stress out on others. My anger and frustration may have rained down on those who did not deserve it. That did not happen, though.

I internalized much of my doubt and feelings. I swallowed it down and kept it inside. Being a single parent was patience-building, so I shared that with others so they could benefit from what I was learning.

My kindness to others was to share my experiences. Talking about life, living, and listening. I had good advice on how to turn around adversity and problems into something beneficial. It was kindness through communication.

It seemed that no matter how poorly I felt about my work, parenting skills, and how “good” a person I was, I could still help others. Those good feelings lasted me a long time. Until they did not anymore.

Then something changed.

Being kind to me

Things went downhill. Everything I put inside ate away at me and wouldn’t leave me alone. I got tired of being tired. I was angry and unhappy with who I was. It didn’t matter if I gave good advice to others. If I didn’t take it myself, what was the point?

Kindness to one’s self is complicated.

I had to work on it. It did not happen overnight. It is ongoing. No magic wand or abracadabra here.

A large part of being kind to myself is forgiveness. I had to forgive myself for being human. Acknowledging that I made mistakes and would make more. Giving myself the okay to breathe deeply and telling myself it would be alright was being kind to me.

Learning to love who I am in this moment was another act of kindness. Hating who you are. Hating your body is hurtful. It hurts me to hate. When it’s your own body, that leaves open wounds that don’t heal. You can’t move forward. I hugged this form hard and said, “I love you. You are important. You are enough.” I cried as that became my mantra.

Moving forward with words that heal is vital.

Letting go of things or people that hurt is a significant act of kindness. It’s difficult. It requires thought and intention. If someone or something in your life is hurting you, then letting them go is right. Even if you love them.

Taking care of my mental and emotional well-being is how I embrace being kind to myself.

The state of kind

This movement is so easy to share, yet hard to follow. The world runs on kindness, but it’s in short supply. Hard to find and hard to maintain.

We can. I know I can and will be kind. Sometimes, I need reminders from my friends “to be kind to you too.” Hearing those words brings me to a good place, a state of being kind. Keeping it at the forefront of who I am instead of a last-minute add-on. This requires constant effort but it’s for a good cause.

My well-being.

I’ll be kind to me. I hope you do the same. Then, we can share that wealth of knowledge and grace with everyone else.

Spiritual/Secular Sunday prompt — What is good advice is easy to give, but hard to follow?