Kindness at Christmas Needs to Start With Yourself

It’s okay not to be perfect

It’s nearly Christmas and I’m tired.

My family has been playing ping-pong with one bug or another since early November.

But, guess who doesn’t get to stop and be ill?

Christmas can add a lot of unnecessary pressure

There’s probably someone in your household who often gets to Christmas and finds that the idea of throwing a joyous family Christmas dinner is the last thing they have the energy for.

(She’s likely to be female — just saying.)

Now, I am not trying to sing my own praises but it’s often what we women, and mothers, do. We can do it all, so we take it upon ourselves to do so.

Until we can’t, that is.

For me, it doesn’t help that I have two children with birthdays in December. I am clearly a sucker for punishment.

Still, most years I navigate it reasonably enough.

Most years I get to Christmas and the cheer is rising fast as we approach the day.

But not this year.

I’m flipping exhausted.

My poor performance history

Two years ago, I was late getting my mother’s Christmas card to her.

The morning before Christmas, my phone started going berserk with poisonous, angry messages from her. I happened to be on a business Zoom call with the most smiley and cheerful person in the world at the time.

The contrast of these messages popping up on my mobile while I was trying desperately to ignore them was astounding!

I was feeling happy because this was my last “work” activity and then I was shutting down any more work-based interactions to focus on the people who mattered — my family.

I knew I had failed to be the best daughter that I could, although it certainly didn’t warrant the onslaught that came my way.

That’s my mum, though.

Sometimes, she just can’t help herself and spits and claws at those closest to her, and who have managed to fail her — usually my sister and me. It’s happened many a time, complete with threats to be written out of her will and all sorts.

Anyway, although it meant that I didn’t speak to her for around 3 months following that incident, we did get back on speaking terms again. So, last year, I made more effort to get presents and cards where they needed to be in good time. And I succeeded.

Anyone would have thought that would be the end of my slacking.

So would I.

It turns out that wasn’t the case.

Here we are, a week before Christmas, I have only managed to buy a few Christmas presents, and it completely slipped my mind to go and buy the gift I had planned for my mother from the local artist whose stall has now moved on to goodness-knows-where.

Darn it! Damn this “too much to do” brain. And damn the forgetfulness of it.

Only, this year, I realise that blaming myself is ridiculous and pointless.

My life is non-stop and I am more tired than ever from fighting bugs.

Now, instead of having a day of rest to see off this threatening chesty cough and sleep away the tiredness-induced brain fog, I could push myself to have everything in order; presents bought, cards delivered, tree up, and food either already bought or on order. Or, I could choose not to.

I could choose kindness instead because Christmas isn’t meant to be about being perfect.

Hey, I know I am fortunate.

I have a warm, cosy home, a comfortable bed, and the ability to buy enough food to share with my family.

Not everyone has that, and I am always reminded of that when I feel a little sorry for myself.

I am truly grateful for all that I have.

But, this isn’t so much about feeling sorry for myself as it is about raising awareness about what actually matters.

In truth, if I told my kids that I just couldn’t get it together to buy much for Christmas, but here are some chocolates and some fun books, they would be absolutely fine. And they would still have fun.

If I just made macaroni and cheese for Christmas lunch, with ice cream for afters, they would be thrilled to bits. As long as we played some Christmas games afterward, and they got to drink fizzy drinks (because that makes it feel special), we would have a good time.

And then, we could curl up with some popcorn and a movie, and finish the day with mugs of hot chocolate, and it would feel utterly special.

Suddenly, putting it all in perspective makes me realise that getting a small token gift for my mother — and a card in good time 😉 — isn’t that hard after all.

The fact is that too many people place too many expectations on one another, or on themselves, at this time of year, and it is a complete contradiction of the spirit of giving and receiving.

So, if you or someone in your family or circle is putting pressure on themselves to “have it all together”, take a moment to let them know that it’s not about being perfect.

Offer to do something, or to provide something for the Christmas celebrations. Give without expectation of receiving, because your time will come.

And if you are the eternal giver in the realm of Christmas (and likely year-round) then give yourself the grace to receive this year.

Even if that is simply a little unplanned kindness from yourself.

With love, solstice blessings and Christmas cheer 🎄

Sally XOX