Killing the Ego

That Will Make It Think

Threaten the ego with extinction and it will think and think and think

I don’t know where I read or heard it, but it is apparently not uncommon for the male body, just before it expires, to ejaculate in a desperate effort to extend the physical person. It stands to reason, methinks (no pun intended).

The mental person (to wit, the ego), not quite as prone to death, at least not as killable, is even more anxious to survive. It is, to put it plainly, what it lives for.

That said, many a wise man proposes (even maintains) that we would do much better without that think, think, thinking appendage we lovingly refer to as our ego — assassinate it.

Well, if you plan to kill your ego, here are few tips.

First of all, be very quiet about it. Never for a second divulge your plans. If he (or she, or it) gets the tiniest whiff of around-the-corner death, aimed specifically at him (or her, or it), you’ll soon discover what resourceful really means: the ego has survived similar storms in the past and knows exactly what to do, what defenses to shore up, how to foil your plans. You do not want to give it time to organize, to man the barricades, as it were.

For if you thought that your day-to-day head was full of useless, noisy thoughts, you (as they say) ain’t seen nothing yet. You’ll be lucky if two Ambien will shut it up or even turn down the volume.

This, too, stands to reason: the ego is thinking for its life.

Second of all, plan your kill in detail (all the while keeping the target ego in the dark — not an easy task, flirting as it does with paradox) and execute flawlessly. This naturally begs the question: what will in fact kill the ego?

The common answer is as common as (as a rule) unworkable: “Simply let go,” they say. Simply let go of what? Of the ego, of course. Yes, but how? Just let go. How do you just let go? By just letting go.

This can go on forever.

The crux of the matter is that if you don’t know that you’re holding on, there is no way of letting go. Yes, on paper you read and say that yes, I must be holding on to the ego, obviously, or it would not stick around as doggedly as it does. But the difference between “I must be” and “I know I am” is astronomical. So, for the average Joe, “just let go” is about as help- and use-ful as I don’t know what, something that’s neither help- nor use-ful, I guess (as toothpicks for oars, perhaps).

Now, if you know that you’re nursing and holding on to the ego, then, of course, just let got and dead it is — extinguished. But if you don’t, take it for a nice walk — along a beach, or through a forest, lots of space, lots of sounds, and pay attention. Sky, clouds, dogs barking, smell of flowers, moving feet (yours); pay close attention to your senses and realize that you experience all this in this very moment. Stop and look around if that would help. Look up and wonder. If looking is all you do, the mind will ego-lessly pass on sensory information from eye or ear or feet to you (the witness); no ego involvement to speak of if any at all.

Then, knowingly and willingly (intendingly, as it were) call a past, grim, righteously justifiable grievance to mind good and proper and notice how your “personality” suddenly springs awake and salivates at the thought of getting even with the bastard: that’s the ego, stirred awake.

Pay close attention and get a good feel of its rising and sense how you knowingly stirred it awake. That’s the feel of the ego, the thing you’re now holding on to.

Look back out through your eyes, at some tree or something, or a cloud, and let the revenge-seeking ego go, just loosen your grip on the feeling and it’ll fade. That’s what the ego will do when not bolstered and sustained by life (e.g., you). That’s the feel of letting go of the ego, of the ego fading.

Now, don’t do that again, not right away anyway, or the ever-alert one will grow suspicious and know something’s up — you’re planning something.

Back to second of all: When I say plan your kill in detail I mean (a) work out precisely how, including how deeply, to dispose of the corpse, and (b) decide precisely where to hide from it — for no matter how well you kill it, and how deeply you bury it, it will resurrect and then come looking for you, not amused.

Third of all, if the ego has begun thinking excessively of late, realize that it has overheard your planning its demise, and has already begun shoring up both defenses and counter attack. This is your cue to plan more quietly the next time.

As for defenses, noise is as good a defense as any. Rattle and confuse you well enough to disable any workable planning, that’s the ticket. And as for attack: depression. It’ll drag up losses and coming-up-shorts endlessly; parade them in your face to prove how inept, really, you are. You, kill me? What a laugh. You and what army? It is very, very good at this and has brought more than one well-intended (well, not toward the ego, of course) hero to his or her knees, metaphorically speaking, for even attempting to plan to rid his- or her-self of it. It brooks no such stupidity.

And that, of course, is why you must kill it.

So, back to planning, more quietly this time. How do you plan an ego-assassination without alerting that with which you plan, and which you plan to kill? In detail, no less. Yes, another paradox.

The word is still quietly. And when I say quietly, I am referring to that stillness we sometimes think of as the intellect, that silent sky transcending the think, think, thinkness of the ego. One way is meditation. Once in that ego-less space you’ll notice that intentions as clear as any ego-thought cross this sky at your being those intentions — yes it takes being the intent to form it. Skill yourself at this. And thus skilled, carefully navigate the mental minefield you need to traverse to finally put the ego out of its misery. Quietly now, very quietly. One misstep and you’ll be all over the map with a furious ego looking down at you, what the hell?

Fourth of all, of course, the act of killing and the act of letting go — or even more precisely, the act of ceasing — are one and the same; it’s just so much easier said than done. Ease you grip, and also ease your need to grip — your need to have this validating skein of thought around, often as in-validating as validating to be frank. Indifference might be the word; do not give a rat’s what anyone thinks or doesn’t think about you (necessitating a solid ego in self-defense or self-justification), this will loosen the ego-strings very nicely, thank you.

Fifth of all, know that the deadest ego of all is for you to realize that the ego is, has always been, and will ever be just so much fluff of imagination (yours to be honest). You probably dreamed it up for your amusement, perhaps even to see how hard it would be to get rid of — well now, five billion years later, you know.

Yes, letting go is the way. Start practicing.

Done well, it might even stay dead and gone.

Happy hunting.

© Wolfstuff

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