Summary

The website content outlines a three-step process to silence one's inner critic by increasing self-awareness, addressing the underlying motivations of behavior, and practicing positive self-talk.

Abstract

The article titled "Kill Your Inner Critic in 3 Steps" discusses the origins of the inner critic, often rooted in early influences such as parents and caregivers. It suggests that to overcome this negative self-talk, one must first become aware of these criticisms by creating a Personal Nagging List (PNL). The second step involves analyzing the behaviors listed in the PNL to understand whether they are driven by the pursuit of pleasure or the avoidance of pain and then finding alternatives to either gain pleasure healthily or minimize pain. Lastly, the article emphasizes the importance of positive self-talk, recommending simple affirmations like "I am enough" to boost self-esteem and counteract the inner critic. The article concludes by encouraging readers to try these steps to diminish the impact of their inner critic and become their own cheerleader.

Opinions

The inner critic is a common issue that stems from societal norms and early life experiences.
Society is generally uncomfortable with self-praise, often leading to deflection or discomfort when recognized.
Parents and caregivers play a significant role in the development of the inner critic through their own self-criticism or direct criticism of the child.
The article posits that awareness is the first step in overcoming any negative habit or behavior.
There is an inherent payoff in every behavior, which is either to gain pleasure or avoid pain.
The Personal Nagging List (PNL) is a tool suggested to help individuals identify and address their self-criticisms.
Positive self-talk is presented as a method to counterbalance negative self-perception and boost self-esteem.
The article advocates for a systematic approach to problem-solving rather than constant self-criticism.
Simple, believable affirmations are recommended over elaborate motivational speeches for effective self-talk.

SELF IMPROVEMENT

Kill Your Inner Critic in 3 Steps

That nagging voice in your head is toxic

It all started with your parents. Seriously.

This is not another article asking you to go back to the past and fix childhood issues. But research reveals that our inner critic usually comes from early influences, especially parents and caregivers. It may be a result of criticism you faced directly or observing your parents being critical of themselves.

We live in a society that is largely uncomfortable with self-praise. We even deflect away praise from fellow humans by returning it immediately or countering it awkwardly.

Although the number one thing people associate recognition with is a feeling of being valued (88%), nearly 70% of people associate embarrassment or discomfort with the process of being recognized.

~ Christopher Littlefield

We grow up watching our parents deriding themselves for failing to reach whatever success criteria they had in mind. We are often reprimanded for the one question we got wrong in a test but rarely praised for the other nine we got right.

So, what do we do? Jump on a time machine, go back to the past and fix everything? Maybe that, or better still, kill the inner critic, slowly and surely. It won’t happen in a day, but over time you can turn the volume down and drown it with the voice of your inner cheerleader.

Here are a few simple steps to get you started:

1. Shine a Spotlight

Awareness is the first step to make any life improvements. Once you shine the spotlight on a particular behaviour or habit, you can begin overriding it.

Your inner critic usually hides in plain view, and most of the time, you aren’t even aware of it. If you try to catch it in the act of criticism, it's too late. It would have already taken over your thoughts, and you are on a downhill slide. So what’s the trick? Catch it when it is sleeping.

Set aside 15 minutes every weekend to list your personal criticisms you have been engaging in throughout the week. This could be anything from stop eating sugar (you dummy) to get off your arse and head to the gym (you lazy fool). Let’s call this your personal nagging list (PNL).

The first thing this list will do is to help you catch your inner critic before it gains momentum. In addition, it will prevent you from losing your confidence over and over again. But this won’t be enough. You need to dig deeper into the why beneath your nagging.

2. Pain or Pleasure

There is always a payoff for any behaviour. It’s either to gain pleasure or to avoid pain.

There are items in your list which you can’t stop doing because they are pleasurable and give you instant gratification. A slice of chocolate cake or a dollop of ice cream is a tiny bit of pleasure we are all entitled to. Not if it’s on your PNL. YOU, my dear, have decided to stop this behaviour. Then why aren’t you?

Going to the gym is another story. Here you are, trying to avoid the pain of turning off the TV, getting off your couch, changing to gym clothes and getting there. Exercising is painful in itself, and then the aftermath is sheer torture. Why would you engage in something so atrocious? Again, YOU have added this to the PNL, so you must do something about it other than letting your inner critic nag you constantly.

Here are some steps to tackle your PNL in a systematic and precise way:

Step 1: Go over your list, and against each item, put a smiley face for pleasurable payoff and a sad face for painful payoff.

Step 2: Select any 5 items, don’t worry about priorities; just choose any five. Now, if there is a smiley face, write the pleasure you are getting out of it, or for a sad face, write the pain.

Step 3: Find an alternative way to gain the same pleasure, or reduce the pain as much as you can. For example, you may find coconut milk yoghurt for your sweet craving is a good enough replacement for sugary ice cream. To reduce your gym pain, pair up with a friend or hire a personal trainer to push you hard. Pains can be also be alleviated by a promise of reward afterwards. Give yourself a small treat or get into a sauna after your session. You may even choose a reward if you complete a streak, such as 3 days per week for 5 weeks.

Get creative with your pain/pleasure replacement therapy. The main idea here is to turn your personal nagging into problem-solving.

3. Positive Self-Talk

We have all been taught that +5–5=0. To overcome your inner voice's criticism, you need to provide yourself with an equal dose of positive self-talk.

Award-winning therapist Marisa Peer suggests repeating, “I am enough”, many times throughout the day. She says that we often engage in compulsive behaviour because of low self-esteem. The phrase “I am enough” conditions the subconscious mind and reduces the need to seek pleasure in food or television.

Positive self-talk also changes our self-identity from a procrastinator to someone who has the will power to take on challenges. Going to the gym becomes easier, as does healthy eating.

Don’t try to give yourself a lecture on motivation worthy of a Harvard commencement speech, and it will just backfire. Keep it simple, something your mind will believe in and not call you a liar.

Here are some statements which you can use or adapt:

I can do better next time.
I can take the first step.
Sometimes I succeed. Sometimes I learn.
I am proud of myself for trying.
Past is not equal to future.
I can take on challenges step by step.
I can adapt and try again.

Final Thoughts

Ok. I get it. Your inner critic is sometimes right. But don’t you owe it to yourself to be your biggest cheerleader? Try making your list this weekend, find alternatives to a few items on the list and remember to throw in a daily dose of positive self-talk. Even if your inner critic doesn’t go away, at least its voice will be too feeble to dampen your spirits.