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1605

Abstract

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    </div><p id="6760">but this is not about the mechanics. This article concerns something else entirely, something that lay across my chest for some time like a sodden towel. I must unburden myself.</p><p id="bd11">You really are dears, you MuddyUm Writers, but please. You know who you are. I’m in the pulpit now. If you detect a whiff of burning brimstone, that is not your imagination.</p><p id="c4dd">Consider the following selection of kickers</p><p id="a5a9">HUMOR

SATIRE SATIRE HUMOR SATIRE SATIRE SATIRE HUMOR HUMOR Do you see a pattern? I have to jam pen springs under my eyelids to get halfway through that list.HUMOUR — Oh please. Even with a British accent, I’m sorry. COMICS — As lame as SATIRE or HUMOR but those who draw comics possess elevated status on MuddyUm so, I don’t know, something about the cutting of slack.Adding one word does little to rescue the situation, but at least it’s something. Almost.DATING HUMOR — Why not DATING HORROR? Probably more to the point. If you read our guidelines you used “Humor” as a tag, so you’re good. There is no requirement to duplicate one of your tags in the kicker.CAT HUMOR — Cats aren’t funny. They are psychopathic monsters. Shame on you for owning one and even more for showering it with affection. While I am on the subject, HUMOR | CATS. Really? This is an improve

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ment how?DOG HUMOR — Dogs aren’t funny either. They’re pathetic. So are you. If you weren’t so pathetic you wouldn’t need the unconditional love of a dog.PARENTING HUMOR — Lame. You know who you are. I know you could do better because you wrote one of the funniest things I read in a long time.HAMSTER HUMOR — Funny. Anything with the word “hamster” in it is automatically funny.FERRET HUMOR — Not funny. Ferrets aren’t funny under any circumstances.The following list contains a few of my favorites and otherwise, recent and otherwise.YOU SUCK MENTAL ASYLUM WARDEN CONSECRATED EX TEXT COMMUNIST SOUP FOR THE SOUL YELP WHELPS HELP THE UNIVERSE IS A MEGA EAVESDROPPER BOHR RADIUS COUNTRY NIHILISTIC HUMOR HAMMOCK LIFE GIGGA WHO GIGGA WATT (Not as originally written but I like this better.) 100 CALORIES OF AWESOME HUMOR (Unfortunately this contains the dreaded word <a href="https://readmedium.com/this-muddyum-editor-is-holding-up-your-article-ed6d3b98398d">awesome</a>. Otherwise quite good.)Kickers are your chance to grab the reader’s attention and raise a chuckle before they even start reading, getting them in the mood for funny.<figure id="4e7f"><img src="https://cdn-images-1.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:800/1*_JVpEQR0VfzVn2xy53TmFw.jpeg"><figcaption><a href="https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/5/52/Austrian_Bowl_2013-326.JPG">Wikimedia Commons</a></figcaption></figure>The football is all teed up. Don’t blow the kick.</article></body>

FLOPPIN’ KICKERS

Kickers That Suck

If I see HUMOR in the kicker slot one more time I shall slap myself in the face with a dead fish

If you did your homework, you read the excellent articles concerning kickers by Susan Brearley,

What the Kick is a Kicker?

A most unfortunate name

medium.com

And Rachael Ann Sand,

Create Kickin’ Kickers

A simple guide with bonus tips to amp up your kicks

medium.com

but this is not about the mechanics. This article concerns something else entirely, something that lay across my chest for some time like a sodden towel. I must unburden myself.

You really are dears, you MuddyUm Writers, but please. You know who you are. I’m in the pulpit now. If you detect a whiff of burning brimstone, that is not your imagination.

Consider the following selection of kickers

HUMOR SATIRE SATIRE HUMOR SATIRE SATIRE SATIRE HUMOR HUMOR Do you see a pattern? I have to jam pen springs under my eyelids to get halfway through that list.

HUMOUR — Oh please. Even with a British accent, I’m sorry. COMICS — As lame as SATIRE or HUMOR but those who draw comics possess elevated status on MuddyUm so, I don’t know, something about the cutting of slack.

Adding one word does little to rescue the situation, but at least it’s something. Almost.

DATING HUMOR — Why not DATING HORROR? Probably more to the point. If you read our guidelines you used “Humor” as a tag, so you’re good. There is no requirement to duplicate one of your tags in the kicker.

CAT HUMOR — Cats aren’t funny. They are psychopathic monsters. Shame on you for owning one and even more for showering it with affection. While I am on the subject, HUMOR | CATS. Really? This is an improvement how?

DOG HUMOR — Dogs aren’t funny either. They’re pathetic. So are you. If you weren’t so pathetic you wouldn’t need the unconditional love of a dog.

PARENTING HUMOR — Lame. You know who you are. I know you could do better because you wrote one of the funniest things I read in a long time.

HAMSTER HUMOR — Funny. Anything with the word “hamster” in it is automatically funny.

FERRET HUMOR — Not funny. Ferrets aren’t funny under any circumstances.

The following list contains a few of my favorites and otherwise, recent and otherwise.

YOU SUCK MENTAL ASYLUM WARDEN CONSECRATED EX TEXT COMMUNIST SOUP FOR THE SOUL YELP WHELPS HELP THE UNIVERSE IS A MEGA EAVESDROPPER BOHR RADIUS COUNTRY NIHILISTIC HUMOR HAMMOCK LIFE GIGGA WHO GIGGA WATT (Not as originally written but I like this better.) 100 CALORIES OF AWESOME HUMOR (Unfortunately this contains the dreaded word awesome. Otherwise quite good.)

Kickers are your chance to grab the reader’s attention and raise a chuckle before they even start reading, getting them in the mood for funny.

The football is all teed up. Don’t blow the kick.