Kevin Feige owes me an apology!
Damn him! But why I can hear you asking, does nerd hero Kevin Feige owe you, nobody im;portant, an apology?
Well, in the interest of not stopping this article here, I’ll tell you.
He needs to apologize forthwith because of royal mess-up of the I Am Spider-man reveal of Peter to MJ in Far From Home now, I know Kevin Feige is not my bitch nonetheless he bollixed up the dialogue very badly, and did not match anywhere near the level of emotional resonance I had developed for the scene in my head. And that is unforgivable!
But I know what you’re going to complain about now! Sure, the actual writers were Chris McKenna and Erik Sommers, Kevin Feige probably never even saw the dialog, but the buck stops with you Kevin so it’s YOUR fault!
Galactus Cries he so hungered for this scene
So if I had such a great scene worked out in my head why didn’t I send it to Kevin Feige in the year before the messing up was spilt on screen? Well I Didn’t Expect Him/Them or Anyone To Mess It Up As Badly As They Did!
The setting of the scene should be the same
But it is not MJ finding out Peter is Spider-Man, it is Peter finding out MJ knows Peter is Spider-Man because
- MJ is smarter than Peter.
- Peter has been an idiot
Let’s start from here https://youtu.be/DiXg6MTpzbs?t=42
When they get to here https://youtu.be/DiXg6MTpzbs?t=75 and Peter says “I’m not Spider-Man, what would make you think I was Spider-Man” here is where our two universes diverge — in the one we’re familiar with, Universae A, there follows a light hearted little discussion where MJ says she was 67% sure he was Spider-man, which come on, MJ is supposed to be smart. She’s 99.9% sure.
In the better, alternate universe, Universe B, this is how it plays out…
MJ: Ok, if that’s how you want it
Peter: Well I
MJ: One, when Spider-man first started out he had a really crappy costume, it looked like he’d sewn it himself, I’ve had home economics with you I know how you sew.
Peter: MJ that’s ridiculous
MJ: But then after you got the Stark Internship and went away for a weekend Spider-man suddenly had a cool new suit that was definitely not sewn, looked like a cool stark technologies suit really.
Peter: But..
MJ: The same weekend you went away Captain American and Iron Man had a big fight at an airport in Germany, Spider-man was spotted there on Iron Man’s side!
Peter: MJ this is all coincidental, this is really silly because
MJ Igetting warmed up and maybe a bit pissed off): Ok, Ok, you want more. You’ve been very sloppy and you are so obviously Spider-man!
Pete Igets that deer in headlights look when he hears he’s been sloppy)
MJ: When you came back from the Stark Retreat for the Stark internship Spider-man of course had the new suit, as said, and he seemed to really ramp up his helping people out in the neighborhood campaign for the following months.
Pete looks confused like what?
MJ: You started missing school more, being late, dropping extracurriculars
Peter: I
MJ: And smelling a lot like garbage- I guess there aren’t a lot of convenient places to change into your super suit in Queens.
Peter: uh..(basically his thought processes should be, holy shit, MJ is smart and she totally put just simple little things into this that I didn’t think of what else is coming up?)
MJ: Then of course there is the whole DC thing where you ditched the club but showed up later to save everyone from the elevator malfunction. Hey quick question when you swung up and I shouted My friends are up there! Why do you think I did that?
Peter: Well I don’t uhh
MJ: Ok it was worth a shot.
Peter: Well MJ you know I was sick with my tummy and
MJ: Are we still doing this, you’re still going to keep denying it! Alright, do you know when I first started considering this possibility I did a computer analysis of Spider-man sightings do you know that while he can go all around Manhattan he is predominantly sighted in Queens within a few blocks of your house or our school!
Peter: Well he is the friendly neighborhood..
MJ: The friendly neighborhood spider-man who just happens to show up here when we’re on vacation here!
Peter: That was night-monkey I saw it on the news
MJ: oh yeah night monkey, with the same webs (pulls out the webbing thing like she did in Universe A)
Peter: He’s a spider-monkey?
MJ ( Snort of disgust): Hey, remember Liz’s party. You told everyone you knew Spider-man
Peter: That was Ned.
MJ: you’re right that was Ned! oh My god Ned knows you’re spider-man you told Ned and you won’t even admit it to me — you just keep lying!
Peter: No I
MJ (getting worked up): You went to Liz’s house and was going to have your pal spider-man show up, at some point you disappeared and never came back
Peter: I was sick I
MJ: stop! But you know who showed up in Liz’s neighborhood that night? Spider-man. He was sighted running around suburbia and being a klutz, hours reported match after you ditched Liz’s party. I mean why would you ditch Liz’s party, you were so into her. (looking at Pete, wounded)
Pete looks stuck, he wants to admit to MJ that he is Spider-man.
MJ: More about Liz. About a month after DC spider-man was in a supervillain fight with the Vulture, the guy who later turned out to be Liz’s dad on the Staten Island Ferry, the Ferry nearly went down. Iron Man showed up to save the day. After that Spider-man wasn’t seen around any more for a month. What happened? Stark get mad take away the suit?
Peter: MJ look..(resigned, he is still trying to fight but she has really caught everything)
MJ: On the night of the homecoming dance you took Liz (pause) You really liked her, I used to feel a bit jealous about how you looked at her. (sad and hurt)
Pete — this should be a great moment, Peter sees MJ is sad and hurt and wants to make it up but at the same time hearing that she was jealous of him is doing a bit of a boost for his confidence which frankly has been taking a beating during this scene. I’m just putting this note here because if anyone can pull off looking upset and worried about having hurt someone’s feelings and also happy they’re jealous it’s Tom Holland.
MJ: Liz came in while you were out in the car with her dad having ‘the talk’, she said you had lost the Stark Internship — another in a line of great coincidences, spider-man nearly sinks the ferry, Iron-man saves the day, spider-man disappears, you lose the stark internship. How stupid you must think I am to keep this up! And then after the talk with Liz’s dad, The vulture, You came in looking like you had seen a ghost, and you walked out on Liz. You walked out on Liz, the love of your life! (MJ pause a bit, noticing how melodramatic it has gotten and what it says about her relationship to Peter and what it says about Peter and Liz, Peter and Spider-man, if Peter left Liz to be Spider-man won’t he do the same to her)
Peter: Mj, no I
MJ: Stop, not done. (deep breath) After you left the dance, I mean it must have been immediately after, there was a fight in the parking lot of our school between Spider-man and some guy who it just turns out used to work with Liz’s dad, who broke a bunch of buses with his alien tech, and got webbed up and knocked out.
Then Spider-man, wearing a crappy hand-sewn suit, took Flash’s car!
That night Liz’s dad tried to steal a bunch of Tony Stark’s stuff, and evidently got taken down by Spider-man since there was a bunch of webs all over and a sign left by your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man! Next time Spider-man shows up, brand new Stark quality suit again!
She stops, Peter looks defeated.
MJ: Nothing? Do I have to go on?
Pete (shocked, weak voice): there’s more?
MJ: Of course there’s more there’s the day Thanos attacked, you disappeared from school field trip, Spider Man fights thanos. Gets blipped, you get blipped, there’s dozens of more coincidences, there’s Happy Hogan the chief of Stark security showing up in a bathroom of our school! To Talk to you a couple days after spider-man takes down Liz’s dad. Remember you getting a message and acting all weird and I asked you what you were hiding, and you didn’t have a good explanation, well you’re still hiding the same thing and you still don’t have any good explanations! (she’s getting worked up again), you keep lying and the lies aren’t even any good, I know you’re spider-man and you don’t respect me enough to.. why would you lie like that to someone you care for? You wouldn’t, I get it now I’m nothing in your
Peter: I’m Spider-man (quick, forced out of him because he can see what not saying it is doing to MJ), pause
I’m Spider-man I don’t think you’re stupid I think you’re smart and I really like you. I like you more than I liked Liz, a lot more. I just worry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I’m Spider-man
Mj is of course crying a bit but not bad, she wipes away tears, straightens up a bit, smiles and says: I know. I know. (pause)
You may kiss me now.
Peter gets happy look on face
and moves in to kiss but then Mysterio’s gizmo goes off and he realizes his mistake and says “I’m spider-man and I am an idiot!” which considering they end up not kissing at that moment I guess we can agree on.
Now I find the above much better, because it develops both characters in relation to each other. We should get the feeling that yes, Liz was a crush. MJ is actually the love of Peter’s life.
It also establishes that MJ has cared for Peter for a while, especially as the next movie breaks them up it would be nice if this was presented as something deep.
I also would have liked to see some other things in the movie I didn’t but which are none as important as this particular scene, but just to put it out there.
Alternate Scenes
Pete walking with MJ
Peter says: Hey, you weren’t just interested in me because I‘m Spider-Man were you?
MJ: What? Get over yourself Peter, you’re Spider-Man, not the Mighty Thor!
This is really because I disliked the whole thing in the original scene in Universe A where he asked that and she answered along the lines of “of course, you’re not interesting”.
I disliked that answer despite it was in character, given how the Universe A dialog was running.
I disliked it because that is a hard thing to walk back, and also because it really hurt Peter and it seemed like it hurt her to say it but neither one of them got to fix that hurt. The Universe B dialog allows them to get hurt, but at the end of their dialog they are emotionally closer and open than they were before. At the end of Universe A dialog they are basically at the same place they were going in.
Obviously Universe B dialog takes up more running time, but I think we can agree that it would be worthwhile.
Again, I don’t think undercutting the seriousness of their attachment was a good narrative move. Obviously MJ was being defensive and sarcastic, but those are traits that undercut emotional attachment.
It’s also true this is her default character, but she should break through that character with Peter, just like Peter should break through his hiding the secret identity and insecurities with her. It makes for a much stronger narrative.
Flash knows Peter is Spider-man
Now obviously these scenes require actual restructuring of the movie, the other scene from Universe B takes place at the same time at the same location, but for these scenes to occur we must assume an Universe C in which the You’re Spider-man argument would have had to happen earlier, with perhaps different structuring of fights etc. Again these scenes are not necessary the way the one with MJ and Peter arguing was, these are just fun.
Another reason for this is just because I’ve always loved Flash as only part jerk, sometimes even Peter’s friend.
Peter is washing hands in the bathroom, Flash comes running in, carrying Peter’s backpack…
Flash: Peter, there’s a giant fire monster attacking, you gotta suit up man. (hands Pete backpack)
Peter: uh what? Suit up? — why do you have my pack?
Flash: Spider-man, get your spider-man costume on get out there and kick some butt, pronto!
Peter: I’m not spider-m.
Flash: Come on, I’m not an idiot of course you are. The thing in DC, the prom you stole my car, I’ve seen your driving before, when you drove off I was like hey he drives just like that dick parker and then it hit me! There’s a reason they call me flash, now hurry up people are in danger!
Peter: (resigned, starts unpacking suit) Aw man, is there anyone who doesn’t know I’m Spider-man!?
Flash: I think Tiny doesn’t know.
Voice of Tiny from bathroom stall: You think I don’t know! (stall flies open) Of course I know! I’m insulted you would think so little of my deductive abilities!
Flash: Tiny knows. Now hurry up we’re all rooting for you.
Peter: If you know I’m Spider-Man why are you always giving me grief (putting on costume)
Flash: To protect you man! If I started treating you nice everyone would wonder why and next thing everyone would figure out you’re spider-man
Peter just about to put on mask, pauses: It seems like everyone already knows!
Tiny: Not Susan Yang, she thinks you’re a male escort!
Peter: What, who gave her that Idea!?
Flash: Me, I did it to throw her off the scent. Now get out there and kick butt Spidey (building shakes)
Peter puts on mask, annoyed and exasperated by his loyal fans and runs out.
Flash looks excitedly after him; There goes my hero!
I think this makes the scene later where Flash and MJ tell Brad to leave Peter alone more meaningful, they are both doing it to protect their friend, someone they care about. I just love Flash as a jerk who is also sort of a standup guy in a weird messed up probably stupid way most of the time.
Another thing is this would allow us to have an Universe C scene in No Way Home
Flash Stands up for Petey!
Peter and Ned show up, reporters all waiting but Flash is there talking to them telling them that there is no way that loser Peter Parker is Spider-Man — Peter lets him know that there’s no reason to fight it the cat’s out of the bag, AND THEN Flash pulls out his Flashpoint book and starts selling it.
But again, I’m not unreasonable, this scene is not required in the same way the Universe B scene was.
Okay maybe It’s Jon Favreau’s fault
Alright, enough with the clowning around. I know it is of course nobody’s ‘fault’ other than my own for not making it happen if I wanted it that bad, but really expecting something like Universe B and getting Universe A is sort of a let down. I don’t need the Universe C stuff, but Universe B was just so important it hurts to lose it.
So why did I wait til now to say anything. I don’t know — the home trilogy is done and I sort of feel like something went wrong somewhere, like perhaps there were things they wanted to do that they couldn’t because of some sort of conflict, for example the after credit sequence in Homecoming
was obviously setting up a Spider-Man in the Raft / Black Cat movie /series?
Plot basically what the series was, except that Liz knowing Peter from beforehand and having the whole Homecoming background is sooo much better!
Liz as Black Cat gets Spider-Man to help get her father out ( without his knowledge), also of course Liz is back in Queens and as Liz meets and is still attracted to Peter. They still like each other.
Liz goes to get her father out, and her father is disappointed — he says, aloud but really to himself, Petey was right, I really ruined your life.
Obviously it writes itself, but it didn’t happen, and the Far From Home movie feels not as well put together as it could. I think maybe the Spider-Man / Black Cat movie couldn’t happen, and Far From Home was the quick fix for whatever problems prevented the better movie.
Of course a Spider-Man / Black-Cat movie can still happen, there are some things about it that might make it interesting — for example Peter would know and remember who Liz was, but Liz would not know who Peter Parker was. Some guy dumped her at homecoming, what was his name. There are definitely clever things that can be done with it. So maybe this is the plan.
But losing Universe B scene was still bad.
Please Jon Favreau, Chris McKenna, Erik Sommers and Kevin Feige, on the off-hand chance that the currently focused universe — the MCU — crashes and burns and we need to take another universe from the MCM (Marvel Cinematic Multiverse) and set it as default, consider bringing Universe B, it’s a deeper more emotionally resonant universe.
This article was written by Illuminati Ganga Agent 19
Other articles on Marvel by this Agent — The Marvel Cinematic Multiverse And how it Works