Psychedelics
Ketamine Infusions
A possible solution for depressive-resistant patients

Depression ransacked most of my life. By 12 years old, I made a feeble attempt to kill myself. My logical brain could see that my depression was not warranted, but my emotional and mental states refused to agree.
For years, I spent many days lying in my bed, lifeless, staring at the ceiling, crying, hungry, but unable to feed myself, fighting off suicide ideation while smiling in public.
At times, my depression was so severe, paranoia struck. I began hearing voices that were not there. The voices reeked of negativity and convinced me that society disliked me. People do not realize the depths a depressed person can plunge. It is real. And I felt utterly alone.
Depression is demoralizing, and although people say they care, they have no idea how to help. Kind individuals post suicide hotlines on their social media in hopes of reaching at least one person. Depressed people already know about hotlines. They do not have the energy to call, and they fail to recognize that therapeutic intervention may help.
The Experience
To describe the indescribable is a mighty feat. Dissociative symptoms inhabit doctor-controlled Ketamine therapy for depression which in turn becomes an exploration of the mind. Much like an out-of-body experience, many patient understands that they remain in their body yet perceive themselves as free-floating.
Some sensations morph time, making time either much slower or faster, and create images in one’s mind that feel as if the patient is melting into one room to another, much like a slow-moving kaleidoscope with no sound (Murrough et al.)

I witnessed orange-like creamsicles subtly painted into the background in the middle of lightly filtered sand dunes. And as that room became a place of tranquility another scene transformed that had no significance to my life. But felt readily familiar.
However, my ketamine experience mimicked the scientific studies of other patients under the influence of a controlled infusion. Eighty-five percent of people who tried Ketamine reported improvement in their depression (Collins).
With 300 million people worldwide diagnosed with depression, those results are promising; they are also life or death for some of us (Bratos & Saleh).
However, it was the stillness and silence inside each room that fascinated me. I was at peace in a medically induced world that moved slower than sand going through an hourglass, and yet every second of the infusion, I felt uplifted by the images, the stillness, and the silence in ways inside of my body I had not ever known.
Ketamine causes a feeling of watching yourself, transitioning into varying rooms of your mind in a hypnotic wave of wonder. The feelings are pleasant, and one does not forget that they are in a doctor’s office. Yet, simultaneously, the patent is presently in an entirely different world within their psyche.
But How?
Ketamine is an N-methyl-D-aspartate antagonist receptor that blocks signals from the part of one’s brain and opens others (Layer et al.) Soon after I arrived home, I noticed a newly found joy that appeared linked to the infusion.
While Ketamine can cause “agitation, anxiety, dizziness, amnesia, confusion, reduced awareness of the environment, disorientation, drowsiness, and dissociation (americanaddictioncenters.org/ketamine abuse/ketamine -side- effects), I noticed repressed memories surface. Somehow the NDMA antagonist receptor unlocked memories that lived outside of my awareness. More importantly, the memories coincided with feelings of those memories that I did not recognize. These memories bean my journey to free my mind of the trauma I experienced long ago.
Ketamine had broke down my defense mechanisms as well as the protective walls that protected me from the pain of my childhood. That protection allowed me safety but caused me unrelenting sadness for years at a time.
MADRS or the Montgomery-Asberg Depression Rating Scale dictates that depression accompanies apparent and reported sadness, inner tension, intermittent fleeting tension, reduced or increased sleep, difficulty concentrating, a degree of lassitude, suicidal thoughts, and an inability to feel (Asberg & Montgomery).
Most depressed patients try to solve their psychiatric disorder through medications, therapy, talking with friends, and improving their diets. However, Ketamine is used in depression-resistant cases when nothing worked. And boom, the majority of patients feel better in one 24 hour session.
The Cons
The FDA has yet to approve Ketamine for use in depressive episodes. Therefore doctors open up clinics independently to facilitate using this experimental treatment. Until the treatment is regulated, it comes with a hefty price. Single treatments range from $500 for each 45-minute infusion.
A series of infusions is recommended to make positive changes for the patient. But the cost deters many sufferers from accessing help.
Conclusion
The benefits of the infusions develop quickly. A hop in my step replaced the passive drag of my feet crossing the living room.
However, I learned is that it is imperative to seek out therapy after the infusion occurs. Many depressed people are inundated with repressed trauma. When the infusion helps to release these memories and feelings, a patient needs to have a back-up plan.
There are reasons why the memories were repressed; our psyches cannot process the trauma alone without feeling significant distress. Therefore, the positive after-effects of Ketamine can connect synapses in one’s brain for the sake of healing, but complicate mood and attitude that stir up unmanageability.
Research before you try Ketamine. Know thyself. Is this what you need? I recommend it to myself, but I cannot recommend it to you. However, we know that millions upon millions of people walk this earth suffering with no reprieve.
The first step is the only step that matters. The rest will follow. And maybe, your capacity for joy will enhance your life beyond measure: a life that matters. It is up to you.

References
Antidepressant Effects of Ketamine in Depressed Patients. (n.d.). Retrieved August 31, 2020, from https://ketamineinstitute.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/Antidepressant-Effects-of-Ketamine-in-Depressed-Patients-Berman-2000.pdf
Bratsos, S., & Saleh, S. (2019, July 22). Clinical Efficacy of Ketamine for Treatment-resistant Depression. Retrieved August 31, 2020, from https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC6758959/
Collins, S. (2018, February 27). What is Ketamine? How it Works and Helps Severe Depression. Retrieved August 31, 2020, from https://www.webmd.com/depression/features/what-does-ketamine-do-your-brain
Edited by Editorial StaffLast Updated: December 9, 2. (n.d.). The Side Effects of Ketamine — Treatment Options. Retrieved August 31, 2020, from https://americanaddictioncenters.org/ketamine abuse/ketamine -side- effects
Montgomery-Asberg Depression Rating Scale (MADRS). (n.d.). Retrieved August 31, 2020, from https://www.mdcalc.com/montgomery-asberg-depression-rating-scale-madrs
