Summary

The concept of "Keeping Up With The Joneses" is a waste of time and money because no one cares about your possessions.

Abstract

The article discusses the concept of "Keeping Up With The Joneses," which refers to the idea that people must acquire new and expensive items to keep up with their neighbors. The author argues that this is a waste of time and money because no one actually cares about your possessions. The article suggests that people should focus on their own lives and not worry about what others have.

Opinions

Keeping Up With The Joneses is a waste of time and money
No one cares about your possessions
People should focus on their own lives
The author suggests that people should not worry about what others have
The author uses humor and sarcasm to make their point.

Keeping Up With The Joneses Is Stupid, But Not For The Reasons You Think

Seriously, no one cares

My friends, I am about to free you from the TYRANNY.

The AGONY.

The extremely expensive bullshit…

Of The Joneses.

*cue thunderous applause*

Keeping Up With The Joneses

You’ve probably heard the term “keeping up with the Joneses.” The concept is that if Elise next door gets a shinier car or the newest iphone, then you must get a new shinier car and the newest iphone in order to keep up with her.

You can’t fall behind in the stuff-gathering! Magpie this shit! She cannot have a shinier nest than you or the other birds in the tree will laugh.

It’s bullshit, and not for the reason you may think.

Newsflash: The Joneses Don’t Give. A Single. Shit.

A lot of personal finance/development writers talk about freeing yourself from the burden of keeping up with the Joneses because it’s good for your wallet. Or good for your self-esteem. Or whatever.

They kind of imply that you need to white-knuckle the resistance to KUWTJ (Keeping Up With The Joneses has too many words, so it’s an acronym now). Like, you must suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous angst in order to come out the other side a new, enlightened, Jones-free person.

Yeahhhhhh that sucks. No. We shall do it the easy way.

And the easy way is this:

Realizing that the Joneses do not. give. a SINGLE SOLITARY FUCK. about your phone.

How many times a day do you think about a neighbor’s smartphone. No, not right now, duh, cause we’re on the topic. Last Wednesday, when you hadn’t seen her in two weeks because she was visiting family, how many times did you think about her phone.

Hmm? What’s that? You didn’t even notice she was gone because the kid got sick and the car was making that kssh-kssh-kssh noise and everything was a lot?

Good news, everyone! (Futurama reference) That not-thinking-about-because-you-have-your-own-life thing we just discussed?

That is exactly how much she thinks about you.

Everyone Is Busy, and No One Cares

Guys. Guys. No one gives a shit about your new purse, shiny car, or fuck, even your chalet-residing trip to Switzerland. Everyone has their own shit going on, and I really need you to internalize this:

No one cares about your stuff.

Legit no one. They have their own shit to deal with. When you get a shiny new car, they are worried sick because their cat is at the vet and they don’t know what’s wrong. Promoted? If you mentioned it, you’ll get an absentminded “congrats” because um, not only do they have an immediate and specific issue that’s taking all of their attention, the world as a whole is definitely still on fire (I’ve resigned myself to the flames) and no one has time to care.

Keeping up with the Joneses isn’t bad for you, or a waste of money, or just feeding your Instagram addiction…

it’s literally screaming into the void.

Quoting Brian Tracy (who was himself quoting someone I don’t know):

If you really knew how little others thought about you, you would be insulted.

Fin.