Keeping Anger Under Control

6 Steps to minimize anger in tough situations

There are many things in life that can make you angry. Whether it’s something at work, an argument with your partner, or just the general frustrations of day-to-day life, nobody has complete control over their emotions all the time.

I know it can be difficult to control anger as an emotion. It’s frustrating when you get mad over minor things, and it leaves you feeling drained or even embarrassed. If this sounds like you, then don’t worry — there are ways that will help keep the anger under control.

“Let us not look back in anger, nor forward in fear, but around in awareness.”

— James Thurber

The Process

1. Identify your triggers

First, you’ll need to recognize what triggers your anger. Recognizing this is important because if you know why you get angry, then there’s a better chance of keeping yourself under control around those circumstances.

For example, if it’s the word “no” that sets off an argument with your partner every time they say no to something — try changing how you respond when he/she says “no.” Instead of becoming defensive and arguing back about why his/her decision was wrong (triggering more anger), focus on finding another way to compromise without demanding for everything to go in your favor all the time (not triggering as much outrage).

2. De-stress

Another great way to control anger is through relaxation. It’s vital that you take time for yourself, so don’t be afraid of taking a break from everything once in a while. This doesn’t mean shut off your phone and go on an overnight vacation — what it means is to find small ways throughout the day where you can relax or meditate.

Here are some examples:

• Take a bath with eucalyptus oil or lavender. The scents will relax you and help you focus on the present moment, rather than what happened in the past or is going to happen in the future.
• Listen to music that puts your mind at ease for a little while. Try classical music if you need calming down — it’s been shown to lower blood pressure and heart rate.
• Meditate twice throughout each day (once when you wake up, once before bed).
• Take a walk outside when you’re feeling stressed out (and even if it’s cold, try to go for at least five minutes).
• Try yoga or Pilates — deep breathing is key to relaxation, so exercises that focus on the breath are great options.

3. Remind yourself that anger is only temporary

It’s essential to keep in mind that your emotions are not permanent. If you’re mad, chances are it’ll go away within a few hours or so — assuming there isn’t anything significant going on at the moment.

This means that you can’t let your anger control you.

Try to think of things that make you happy and calm yourself down, rather than letting your negative emotions take over (and potentially ruin a relationship or situation).

4. Practice mindfulness meditation

One of the most effective ways to keep anger under control is through mindfulness meditation. Mindfulness includes being aware of your feelings and thoughts, non-judgmentally. It’s crucial that you don’t try too hard because it’ll just make things more difficult — if it feels natural for you to be mindful during certain activities, then do them.

For instance, I have a habit of chewing on my pen whenever I’m working or trying to solve an issue at home; after reading about how chewing gum releases dopamine in the brain (which will help reduce stress), instead of replacing this with another “bad” habit like biting down on pencils, I started practicing mindful meditation while focusing on what each click from my pen was doing to my anxiety— this helped me stop biting down on pens, and I can now concentrate more during work/home issues.

5. Talk about what’s making you angry with someone who can help or advise

Lastly, if you can’t seem to control your anger or think about it rationally because of how upset you are — don’t be afraid to talk to someone who’ll help put things into perspective for you. Sometimes we need a third-party opinion in order to calm down and not let our emotions cloud our judgment (especially when the issue is complex).

Find someone you can vent to, but don’t just complain about your problems without considering what you can do to fix them.

You could talk with a therapist or family member who understands and respects you — just make sure they’re someone reliable that you know will steer the conversation in the right direction (and not use this as an opportunity to tell their own stories about how mad/upset they are).

Make sure it’s someone understanding, but also firm enough so that he/she won’t let you keep talking for hours on end if there’s nothing productive coming from it; helping yourself means actually doing something with all those feelings of anger instead of keeping things bottled up inside until one day you explode again.

6. Practice self-care

Practice self-care not in an egoistic way, but in a way where you remind yourself that what’s best for your body and mind is to take care of others (care-giving).

Remind yourself why helping people around you will make them happy, as well as the benefits this brings to everyone involved.

Then try taking some time out of your day just to do something nice — whether or not there are other people watching/helping.

• You can give someone a compliment.
• Treat yourself to something delicious.
• Volunteer at an organization close by.
• Exercise regularly — it releases endorphins that make you feel better about yourself and less stressed out.
• Give yourself some time to cool off.
• Take care of yourself by eating healthy food, getting enough sleep.
• Write down your thoughts on paper.
• Journal what are three things you are grateful for every day.

Just don’t forget how much happier these little efforts will make both you and those around you.

“People won’t have time for you if you are always angry or complaining.”

— Stephen Hawking

The Bottom Line

The bottom line is that no one is perfect, and we all have bad days. It’s okay to be angry sometimes, but it shouldn’t control our lives every day of the week.

We should always try to think positively about ourselves and learn from past mistakes in order to become better than yesterday.

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