Kay Jewelers Signature Gloom Collection

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ts, each band is engraved with your partner’s life expectancy per recent heart disease mortality data. Tasteful black onyx accents reflect the three essential truths all lovers must accept — that the color black contains all wavelengths, all things, and therefore love itself; that death is pitch black and absolute; and that heart health is key to prolonging your time on this mortal coil.</p><h1 id="3f6a">Neil Lane Collection</h1><p id="9f98">Getting engaged this year? Don’t miss out on Kay’s new promotion where Neil Lane moves into your house to design your ring, but also to seek out belonging and human affection. If you’ve been watching The Bachelor, you know that America’s jeweler is lonely and in need of a new mansion or two to visit. For $10,000 and an extra place setting at your dinner table, Neil will deliver a one-of-a-kind ring and maybe some bonus lessons on how to cry-eat Häagen-Dazs.</p><h1 id="201c">Chocolate Chocolate Labrador Diamonds</h1><p id="fd0a">Kay’s new line o

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f Chocolate Diamonds in the shape of Chocolate Labradors honors the grim history of this charmingly stupid breed. The process of cutting and shaping these diamonds into dog form drastically reduces their clarity and quality, much like the overbreeding of Chocolate Labs weakens their gene pool and health outcomes. This Valentine’s, remind your special someone that you’ve found love’s last refuge — a mutual appreciation for life’s absurdity.</p><h1 id="045a">“Color Your World” Blackout Shade Glasses</h1><p id="a737">The flagship model in Kay’s new eyewear collection, these wraparound, diamond-studded, completely opaque shades are perfect for the couple interested only in blacking out the sun and staying in bed. Wear these as a companion to the “Color Your World” diamonds you bought earlier in your relationship and make the ultimate statement about love’s true expression — getting all dressed up and staying in bed together because the world is crumbling around us.</p></article></body>

The Infinity Stone Ring Glove

A twist on the popular infinity necklace, this 24 karat gold glove is for the even more serious couple ready to purge half of humankind in the name of love. Each piece is custom molded to fit over your precious partner’s hand and outfitted with five collectible infinity stone knuckle settings. This Valentine’s, show your partner that your bond is serious enough for the next step — committing mass genocide to save humanity from itself.

Open Heart Bracelet

An update to the classic open heart necklace, this bracelet reminds you and your partner that no one is safe from the primary killer of Americans — heart disease. Modeled after hospital ID bracelets, each band is engraved with your partner’s life expectancy per recent heart disease mortality data. Tasteful black onyx accents reflect the three essential truths all lovers must accept — that the color black contains all wavelengths, all things, and therefore love itself; that death is pitch black and absolute; and that heart health is key to prolonging your time on this mortal coil.

Neil Lane Collection

Getting engaged this year? Don’t miss out on Kay’s new promotion where Neil Lane moves into your house to design your ring, but also to seek out belonging and human affection. If you’ve been watching The Bachelor, you know that America’s jeweler is lonely and in need of a new mansion or two to visit. For $10,000 and an extra place setting at your dinner table, Neil will deliver a one-of-a-kind ring and maybe some bonus lessons on how to cry-eat Häagen-Dazs.

Chocolate Chocolate Labrador Diamonds

Kay’s new line of Chocolate Diamonds in the shape of Chocolate Labradors honors the grim history of this charmingly stupid breed. The process of cutting and shaping these diamonds into dog form drastically reduces their clarity and quality, much like the overbreeding of Chocolate Labs weakens their gene pool and health outcomes. This Valentine’s, remind your special someone that you’ve found love’s last refuge — a mutual appreciation for life’s absurdity.

“Color Your World” Blackout Shade Glasses

The flagship model in Kay’s new eyewear collection, these wraparound, diamond-studded, completely opaque shades are perfect for the couple interested only in blacking out the sun and staying in bed. Wear these as a companion to the “Color Your World” diamonds you bought earlier in your relationship and make the ultimate statement about love’s true expression — getting all dressed up and staying in bed together because the world is crumbling around us.