Just Twenty Four Little Hours
The email that changed life as I knew it.
Giving birth to a new baby is an emotional experience for any mother.
The joy and excitement of bringing a new life into the world is unparalleled. However, what happens when the baby you give birth to doesn’t fit into their gender assigned at birth?
This is our story.
A beautiful May day
It was a warm May morning, and spring was well within the first flush of her youth when my child was born. All day, I marvelled in wonder and love at this little creature who lay before me. Holding his tiny hand, I vowed to him that I would always be there for him and that he would forever know a life of love.
As my sweet son grew from infancy into the blond haired and quiet boy I will always remember, I watched him develop a love for reading and a passion for diggers (he was crazy about them!). I watched him grow into a bright and curious child. He was always full of energy – always eager to explore the world around him. I loved watching him play and learn, and I felt so proud of him every day. Over time, he became a wonderful big brother too.
They were both simply my world.
24 little hours
There were no signs that he wasn’t happy in his own skin, so it came as a bombshell when at the tender age of thirteen, my beautiful blonde haired boy emailed my now ex husband and I that he was transgender.
I had just finished teaching a class of 5 year olds when my ex rang and said, “Jo, have you read the email?”
Confused I reached for my phone and then I saw it. The email that I knew for my dear boy would be the hardest that he would ever compose and send. I still marvel at his bravery back then. How incredibly difficult that must have been for him to send to his parents.
My heart broke with love.
Eight years later, I still remember that rainy afternoon, how the ground swayed underneath me with my concerned colleagues gathering around thinking that I had lost someone dear. The constant cups of coffee and empathetic hugs that were offered — but I was too shocked to feel them.
The emotions I felt on that wet November day were stifling, ranging from confusion to fear, sadness to unconditional love.
“Mum, Dad, I’m your daughter, I’m Transgender.”
My eyes kept scanning over and over to this one word ‘Transgender’. I knew of the word but it made no sense for it to be in my own little world. It also made no sense that my once digger-loving son had written these heartrending words.
How did we not know?
When I look back now, I think of those twenty four hours and I’m still stunned that we never had any inkling. It upsets me to think my child was suffering and struggling and I never knew. We never knew.
Within just twenty four hours, we had gone from having a beautiful son to a brave and strong daughter. 24 hours... just 24 little hours.
In a bid to support my daughter, I began to educate myself about transgender issues. I scoured every book I could find, poured over every article. But there was nothing that helped me to deal with the powerful emotions we all experienced. Exasperated, I met up with three other wonderful mums who were also navigating the-same journeys at that time. In unity, we formed a UK charity called Flutterbys where we supported each other and other UK families of trans children. Due to our busy working schedules, the charity is no longer active.
Now, I knew that we (and of course my daughter) would face challenges, but I didn’t realise the most painful battles would be within her mind.
Gender Dysmorphia became an ugly face in our lives and manifested into dark days. Dark days where we watched our girl crumble and with love in our hearts, we helped her back up every fall.
Eventually after a long and agonising wait, Our wonderful CAMHS (Childhood Adolescent Mental Health Service) team here in the UK informed us that the wait for Tavistock GIDS ( Gender Identity Disorders Service) clinic would be a heartbreakingly wait of at least fourteen months.
For those next fourteen months, we watched our beautiful daughter struggle while we desperately tried our hardest to build up her mental health every step of the way. Together we clung, and helped her to deal with the many powerful emotions while constantly reassuring her that she would be okay.
She would be okay. We would be okay. We had to be okay for her and her little brother
We knew that our child’s gender identity was not a choice, but a fundamental aspect of who she is. I also learned that supporting my child meant more than just using the right pronouns or allowing them to dress in a certain way. It meant creating a safe and supportive environment where she could adjust, work through her therapy, and most of all, feel loved.
She could be herself.
Eight years later
Today, my daughter is a happy and confident young woman. She has embarked on a maths career, excelling in her degree. She is living her truth and pursuing her dreams, and we couldn’t be more proud of her. I know no matter what challenges may lie ahead, she will handle them in the bravest and most dignified way because she is simply… incredible.
I’m in awe of her beauty, her strength, her kind heart and her determination to live as the woman she was always meant to be. We will always support and love her because she is our beautiful, beautiful girl – our ball of sunshine and light.
Our girl .
My daughter has given her blessing for me to write about the amazing young woman who she is and we both send our love to those who are stepping into this journey. May you step on this path knowing that you are not alone. I hope our story gives you the hope and reassurance that there is a rainbow and so much light at the end.
You will find your way too.
Much love,
Jo and our thriving beautiful ball of sunshine xxx
Pink Hair & Pronouns
Pink Hair & Pronouns is space for parents and caregivers of gender nonconforming kids. We honor the experiences of childhood gender expression and also welcome parents to share questions, thoughts, and feelings as they support their kids through it all. Come join us!
