Summary

A mother reflects on society's objectification of her children, particularly her oldest daughter, and grapples with her own initial complicity in not adequately defending them against such attitudes.

Abstract

The author recounts her personal journey in coming to terms with the sexualization of her children by society, starting from the pride she felt at hearing comments about their attractiveness to the realization of the harm such objectification causes. She describes the pain of her daughter, who is pursuing a career in acting and entertainment, upon receiving a demeaning comment online. The mother acknowledges her past mistakes, such as admonishing her daughter for perceived encouragement of male attention and not confronting a man who leered at her then-13-year-old. She resolves to empower her daughter to see her worth beyond her physical appearance and to stand against those who demean or sexualize her.

Opinions

The author initially took pride in the physical attractiveness of her children, which she now regrets.
She believes that her children, especially her daughter, are more than just their bodies and should not be reduced to their physical appearance.
The mother feels guilty for not adequately defending her daughter against the inappropriate attention from older men and for implying that her daughter might be at fault for such attention.
She is critical of a society that sexualizes children and views women as inferior or as objects for male gratification.
The author advocates for the protection of children and the importance of teaching them to value themselves beyond physical beauty.
She expresses a desire to challenge individuals who contribute to the culture of objectifying and demeaning women and children.
The author sees the importance of her role as a mother in shaping her daughter's resilience against harmful societal attitudes.

Just Shut Up and Show Us Your Tits!

It’s not just the mother in me talking when I tell you that my son and two daughters are hot.

You see, I’ve been hearing this from people ever since they each began to reach puberty. I’m ashamed to say that, secretly, I was proud whenever I heard those comments (as if I had anything to do with it).

Of course, it bothered me, because my kids are so very much MORE than just their bodies. After a while, though, I guess I got used to it. My children watched me accept the words as compliments.

Two of my kids have no use for that kind of thing. However, my oldest daughter is our creative one, so her good looks don’t hurt.

For example, when she was 16 years old, she starred in her first movie and landed the female lead. Currently, she’s in production to star in her first-ever horror flick, playing the lead.

My Daughter as Marilyn Monroe (Permission Granted)

In her spare time, my movie star daughter portrays famous people or characters (like Marilyn Monroe or Jessica Rabbit), and also works as a party princess (think Sleeping Beauty, Cinderella, Anna from Frozen, Belle, etc.). She is their most requested princess actor.

This morning, however, she called me over video chat to tell me about a comment on one of her YouTube videos that hurt her soul. Someone left a message that said, simply, “Just shut up and show us your tits.”

My mind flashed back to when my daughter was 13 years old. We had just parked our vehicle and were making our way to the entrance of a grocery store. A man, who was probably in his 40’s, looked straight at my daughter just a bit too long, and it caught my attention. I saw a seductiveness in his eyes that made me want to rip them out.

But, this was a common occurrence.

Worse than that (if you can imagine anything worse) is that I spoke harshly to my daughter, telling her not to look back shyly at men so that she didn’t encourage them. She looked up at me, angry and hurt.

What a stupid bitch I was.

My daughter was only 13 years old. How dare I imply that she was the one seeking inappropriate attention from a 40 year old male, as though it was her fault that he ran his eyes over her body like he was undressing her, and also her fault that she happened to notice?

I, her mother, insinuated that she was somehow to blame because, in typical, nervous adolescent fashion, she reached up to put a strand of hair behind her ear, smile shyly, and cast her eyes to the ground.

My Daughter as a Princess (Permission Granted)

All those memories of my Bad Mother Moments came back to haunt me during our video chat today. As if I had learned anything.

When my daughter told me about the inappropriate comment on her YouTube video, I immediately asked if her cleavage on the videos was a little too low. Dead silence. She started to hang up on me. I told her to wait.

Then, I spun my response by adding that, if the comment came from a girl, then she was probably jealous, and if the comment came from a guy, then he was a jerk of a guy. She didn’t say much, and the conversation eventually came to an end with regular good-byes instead of a hang up.

My Daughter modeling Jessica Rabbit for a Motion FX Project. She comes out looking like a cartoon! (Permission Granted)

You know, maybe if I hadn’t taken pride in my daughter’s good looks as though they were as important as being a wonderful member of the human race, then maybe her soul wouldn’t be wounded right now. Maybe she would be able to see that others’ opinions and comments about her physical happenstance are actually windows into their souls, not hers.

And maybe she wouldn’t feel betrayed by her own mother.

Perhaps I could have helped put a stop to some people who:

(1) Believe they have a right to try to destroy or demean a person merely because they deem that person to be beautiful;

(2) Equate females with weakness or being lesser than; or

(3) View children as sex objects, like it’s their God-given right.

By God, I should have told him I would slap him into tomorrow if he ever did that again, rather than yell at her.

I should have told my daughter to get her eyes off the ground and not bow her head, for she is not to blame.

I should have confirmed to her that being beautiful, being female, and being a child are all things that need protecting.

Just maybe it would have taught this world a thing or two.

***************

I’d be so grateful if you’d clap up to 50 times for this essay. Also, please click HERE to read more of my writing. If you follow me, you can subscribe to my publications! Feel free to leave a much-appreciated tip if my words move or enlighten you in some way as I work hard to become a writer extraordinaire. I can’t thank you enough!