Just Say No!

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Abstract

let guilt or any other emotion hold you back from calmly and clearly communicating the actual state of affairs even if you may have contributed to their expectations;</li><li>because ghosting is a very poor alternative if actually communicating to someone that you are not interested in any further engagement or that you’re not willing to make a commitment;</li><li>because if you are to be fair in your relationships you must be able to hold any serious conversations about the relationship’s future or lack of one , whenever the circumstances require it;</li><li>because the damage you cause people you have ghosted can be long term-like the feelings of self-blame and mistrust they experience as a result that can get carried over into their future relationships, potentially sabotaging them; and finally</li><li>because it can earn you a bad reputation of being someone who employs this cruel method of sendin a message which will naturally make people less likely want to have anything to do with you since you will appear to them variously as weak, disrespectful, narcissistic, etc;</li></ul><p id="803b">In reality, you actually appear the bigger person by sparing other people painful and dehumanizing feelings and not by leaving them emotionally devastated and left feeling inadequate or that they did something wrong. No relationship, no matter how brief, should have to end by ghosting.</p><p id="daec">Therefore, with people, you have already ghosted it is about time to acknowledge that fact and take responsibility for your actions. This way they can at least have some closure and peace of mind as to the actual reason why you went<i> incommunicado</i>.</p><blockquote id="e5b3"><p>“If there is a personal or professional relationship that you no longer want to continue, whether it’s because your feelings have changed, or you just changed your mind, you got a different offer, whatever it is, do the right thing and communicate that.” -<a href="https://tomassvitorka.com/ghosting-what-it-is-and-why-you-should-never-do-it/">Tomass Vitorka, life coach and mentor</a></p></blockquote><div id="77f3" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/simple-things-to-be-grateful-for-when-youve-been-ghosted-3

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612b317380d"> <div> <div> <h2>Simple Things To Be Grateful For When You’ve Been Ghosted</h2> <div><h3>Most times it’s about their unresolved, deep-rooted issues and not really about you.</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*k3EED52RFOloLTnf)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="91f5" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/the-powerful-connection-between-ego-effectiveness-and-handling-rejection-6bfc178837"> <div> <div> <h2>The Powerful Connection Between Ego Effectiveness And Handling Rejection</h2> <div><h3>Ego effectiveness: a psychological trait that allows you to act in accordance with the ideal views you hold of…</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/1*ovwkRWjxUOyCeZLz8AnYgw.jpeg)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><div id="74b3" class="link-block"> <a href="https://readmedium.com/youll-realize-there-was-nothing-really-wrong-with-you-when-you-find-the-right-one-98f176a1eb6e"> <div> <div> <h2>You'll Realize There Was Nothing Really Wrong With You When You Find The Right One</h2> <div><h3>The right person coming to you at the right time will change everything you ever thought was true</h3></div> <div><p>medium.com</p></div> </div> <div> <div style="background-image: url(https://miro.readmedium.com/v2/resize:fit:320/0*iqw2nzsT34YBm2Tx)"></div> </div> </div> </a> </div><p id="7e9d" type="7">To enjoy unlimited access to all stories on Medium.com you can sign up using my referral link. It’s $5/month and at no extra cost to you, you support me and all the other writers you read.</p></article></body>

Just Say No!

The slogan of a not-so-successful anti-drug war can do wonders for your personal life

Unlike the arguably failed and anti-drug campaign of the 80s-90s that popularized the “Just Say No” slogan, the ghosting epidemic can actually be helped with the implementation of this catchy, easy-to-remember three-word mantra. So instead of employing the cowardly and cruel method of rejection that ghosting is, you can save everyone (and you) a lot of trouble if you simply work up the courage to just say, no whenever the situation requires it –no I don’t think we should…, no I don’t want to, no I don’t have the time or no that is not right for me, and so on.

25% of participants in a 2018 study published in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, reported that they have been ghosted by a partner. And those who have been ghosted will often tell you how they have had to contend with overwhelming feelings of rejection, confusion, loneliness, and helplessness created by the ambiguity of the cruel method.

Why you have to step up your relationship game

A part from the fact that when you choose to end any relationship this way and show yourself up as someone who is self-centered, emotionally immature, less compassionate with possesses little depth of understanding, you need to show your mettle mainly:

because communication is key in relationships and harmonious human interactions in general, and even when you don’t have the news that you think someone expects to hear from you, you should never let guilt or any other emotion hold you back from calmly and clearly communicating the actual state of affairs even if you may have contributed to their expectations;

because ghosting is a very poor alternative if actually communicating to someone that you are not interested in any further engagement or that you’re not willing to make a commitment;

because if you are to be fair in your relationships you must be able to hold any serious conversations about the relationship’s future or lack of one , whenever the circumstances require it;

because the damage you cause people you have ghosted can be long term-like the feelings of self-blame and mistrust they experience as a result that can get carried over into their future relationships, potentially sabotaging them; and finally

because it can earn you a bad reputation of being someone who employs this cruel method of sendin a message which will naturally make people less likely want to have anything to do with you since you will appear to them variously as weak, disrespectful, narcissistic, etc;

In reality, you actually appear the bigger person by sparing other people painful and dehumanizing feelings and not by leaving them emotionally devastated and left feeling inadequate or that they did something wrong. No relationship, no matter how brief, should have to end by ghosting.

Therefore, with people, you have already ghosted it is about time to acknowledge that fact and take responsibility for your actions. This way they can at least have some closure and peace of mind as to the actual reason why you went incommunicado.

“If there is a personal or professional relationship that you no longer want to continue, whether it’s because your feelings have changed, or you just changed your mind, you got a different offer, whatever it is, do the right thing and communicate that.” -Tomass Vitorka, life coach and mentor

To enjoy unlimited access to all stories on Medium.com you can sign up using my referral link. It’s $5/month and at no extra cost to you, you support me and all the other writers you read.