Just Looking For Friends, She Says

Summary

The article discusses the complex dynamics of male-female friendships, with a focus on understanding the subtext of women's desires versus their spoken intentions, particularly when it comes to romantic interest.

Abstract

The content delves into the nuanced communication between men and women in the context of friendship and potential romance. It presents scenarios where a woman's verbal expression of wanting only friendship may conflict with her emotional reactions, such as heart flutters when receiving flowers from a male friend. The article suggests that women often end up in relationships with men who can intuitively align with their emotional desires rather than their verbal cues. It emphasizes that women may want a man who understands them deeply and leads with instinct and love, despite what they might say. The piece also touches on the biological perspective of male-female relationships, referencing Dr. Louann Brizendine's research on the male brain's subconscious scanning for fertility, which can affect the nature of cross-gender friendships.

Opinions

The author posits that men who listen too literally to what women say regarding wanting friendship may miss the emotional cues indicating romantic interest.
There is a critique of "nice guys" and men who struggle to interpret women's non-verbal signals, suggesting they become frustrated or remain in the friend zone.
The article implies that women may inadvertently seek partners who can overlook their verbal protests of "just friends" and instead pick up on subtle emotional signals.
It is suggested that women desire an "instinctive leader" who will take the initiative to understand their true desires, which may not align with their spoken words.
The piece humorously notes that the line between friendly and romantic gestures can become blurred, with the implication that some men might strategically navigate this ambiguity to progress beyond friendship.
The author references Dr. Louann Brizendine's work to support the claim that men's brains are wired to notice fertility cues, which can influence the dynamics of cross-gender friendships and potentially limit the number of male friends a woman can have.
There is a subtle endorsement of Dr. Brizendine's expertise, with the author deferring to her decades of research over personal opinion.
The author hints at a personal philosophy or approach to relationships, suggesting that he aims for a deep connection that transcends typical friendships, which is reflected in his actions and expectations within a relationship.

Scenario 3:

Her: “just looking for friends”

Guy Friend: *no flowers

Her: *no heart flutter & no love is ever built with this guy because she thinks he’s here for friendship

If there is no heart flutter, there will be no ring. That’s why guys who listen with their ears to what you think you want get frustrated (usually “nice guys” or guys who can’t read women) — also the reason why women get mad when men teach other men to do the opposite of what she says.

We all can see both sides to the coin

Women end up marrying one of their guy friends who was able to lie his face off and brush off all the “just friend” talk at 8:02 a.m., while still flirting nonetheless.

Right before she finished her breath, after saying “I’m just looking for a friend” she accepts his flirtatiousness at 8:03 am.

Why?

She accepted it because it was rightly placed and natural. Sounds like she wants a liar, right? Or someone who doesn’t listen to her? No.

Guys who don’t have the wherewithal to understand her are the ones who ignore her, are demeaning, and disrespect her. Or they end up as friends forever.

A guy friend bringing flowers when he knows her heart, is not ignoring her, demeaning, etc.

She wants an instinctive leader who will learn her

It is all about what her heart is saying, which may (more than likely will), be different than what comes out of her mouth. She knows what she wants only after she feels her heart aligning with his choice if it was a good choice.

Women, it’s hard to know what to say when God designed you to want a man to know you enough to learn your heart and lead with that instinct and love that probably only 20% of men are actually capable of in their lifetime of knowing — while you instead are asked by the “leader”, “Wherever you want to go, babe”, isn’t it? Haha

And No:

Acting like a boyfriend is not acting as a friend — unless, of course, you bring flowers for no reason to your friends. There’s a line for significant others and a line for friends. With no line, then we get make stuff up as we go along and your guy friends right now are thinking of a few things that could be on their side of the line that currently are not. Haha! Because, why not?

Even if we’re just friends, you and I, I’m still bringing flowers. Just FYI. Because I can still be your best friend inside of relationship. That is what I’m aiming for if I give you more than 1 text a week and there is no crisis. Most guy friends want that anyway — the choice between a woman and no woman, pretty simple. If I call you just someone I know, then I might go to lunch with you every 3 months. That and friendship are two different things in actuality. But once I’m in a relationship, that lunch thing with you stops because I’m not bored anymore.

To say, “he’s just a friend” when he’s not in his heart, is to look in the mirror at herself and also say, “he is okay being the only man close to me that has not slept with me.” Right… Because that’s how the male brain operates.

That is actually the opposite of what Dr. Louann Brizendine said, “the male brain subconsciously is always scanning for fertility” (The Female Brain, book, check it out). The more “fertile” you seem to a brain, the less male friends you can have. Sorry, to those women who have a hard time with getting female friends. That’s tough. Good luck, girls. But, who is this Dr. Louann Brizendine? 30+ years as an American scientist, female clinic owner, a neuropsychiatrist who is both a researcher and a clinician, and alumna of both Yale School of Medicine and Harvard Medical School. Kinda hard to beat that. That’s why I just cut out my own opinions and say, “Yes, ma’am”.

To learn about me:

Just Looking For Friends, She Says

Deciphering the convoluted situation. Ask your doctor.

Friends

Scenario 1:

Scenario 2:

Scenario 3:

And No:

About Me — Joshua J. Lyon, BS, AP, CNP

My comprehensive and complex story — the short version